Please help me so frustrated

Darci Shannon · Jan 19, 2018

Hello all,

Ill be 2 years out in June and I'm not even close to where I need to be. I stopped caring and went back to old habits. I was upset with my surgery from day 1. Right after surgery I could chug water. I woke up hungry. Once I progressed to soft foods I would eat the recommend amount. 1/4 cup of high protein. I was still hungry. Stomach growling hungry. Eventually I progressed to solid foods and I continued the 1/4 cup. after only a few days on solids I got tired of being hungry all the time so I decided to see how much I could eat until my stomach told me I was full. I ate 1 and a half cups of food!!! Chicken with boiled carrots and I continued to eat about 1400 calories from that day forward. Weight loss stood still so I worked out until I wanted to vomit. I cried all the time and was depressed. I finally went back to the doctors office and they said well just don't eat that much stick to the 1/4 cup. Then I said why did I pay all this money for a surgery to still be hungry and never feel full?? So their bright idea was to give me phentermine. I took it and ended up in the hospital with heart problems. My resting heart rate was 140bpm. I did counseling and went on antidepressants. I thought I was doing well. I started to lose weight again and then out of no where I started to binge eat. Cookies, pasta, chips, chocolate pies. Then I thought about just throwing up after every meal. I'm so angry that the most expensive thing I've paid for to take care of myself has been a disaster. I'm mad that everyone that was against me having the surgery has the smug "I told you so" face. I really don't know what to do at this point. I've had very little support and I've become anti-social. I don't leave my house. I don't even go to the store to shop anymore. I order my food online and do grocery pick-up. I have to drive my daughter to Day School twice a week at our church and sometimes I don't get out of bed to take her. I can't sleep at night. I try to fall asleep and I toss and turn. I end up falling asleep at 2am and then I sleep until noon. When I force myself to wake up at 7am I will stay awake all day, but when bed time rolls around I still can't sleep until about 2am even if I've been dragging all day long. I've seen doctors who tell me I'm depressed, that I'm bi-polar that I need this vitamin or this prescription. I just don't know how to function anymore. I'm hoping to find a motivational friend or some epiphany here on this site. I'm sorry it's such a long post. I just don't know where to go from here.

Lyric · Jan 20, 2018

Oh Darci, I SOOOO understand you. I had RNY gastric bypass over TWO YEARS AGO, and I have NEVER gotten below 206. NEVER. And my weight on surgery day was 255!!!!!

This is NOT what I was "sold". My pouch is still small, but it doesn't seem to matter WHAT I eat. I even went a whole week once eating nothing but tiny amounts of salmon and a single protein bar per day (less than 600 calories total) and I only lost 5 lbs!!!

I am physically disabled, so exercise is not really possible for me. Thst was the WHOLE POINT of having the surgery! It was SUPPOSED to work with or without exercise (straight from the surgeons mouth).

Well my ancestors must have survived famine after famine after famine, because my genetics are forcing my poor body to hold on to every ounce of fat as if my life depends on it! And my doc says that could be entirely true. He thinks what I really NEED is a biliopancreatic diversion with a duodenal switch. But that surgery is not offered in my area.

I am almost ready to just give up hope.

Pixx · Jan 22, 2018

Darci Shannon said:
Hello all,

Ill be 2 years out in June and I'm not even close to where I need to be. I stopped caring and went back to old habits. I was upset with my surgery from day 1. Right after surgery I could chug water. I woke up hungry. Once I progressed to soft foods I would eat the recommend amount. 1/4 cup of high protein. I was still hungry. Stomach growling hungry. Eventually I progressed to solid foods and I continued the 1/4 cup. after only a few days on solids I got tired of being hungry all the time so I decided to see how much I could eat until my stomach told me I was full. I ate 1 and a half cups of food!!! Chicken with boiled carrots and I continued to eat about 1400 calories from that day forward. Weight loss stood still so I worked out until I wanted to vomit. I cried all the time and was depressed. I finally went back to the doctors office and they said well just don't eat that much stick to the 1/4 cup. Then I said why did I pay all this money for a surgery to still be hungry and never feel full?? So their bright idea was to give me phentermine. I took it and ended up in the hospital with heart problems. My resting heart rate was 140bpm. I did counseling and went on antidepressants. I thought I was doing well. I started to lose weight again and then out of no where I started to binge eat. Cookies, pasta, chips, chocolate pies. Then I thought about just throwing up after every meal. I'm so angry that the most expensive thing I've paid for to take care of myself has been a disaster. I'm mad that everyone that was against me having the surgery has the smug "I told you so" face. I really don't know what to do at this point. I've had very little support and I've become anti-social. I don't leave my house. I don't even go to the store to shop anymore. I order my food online and do grocery pick-up. I have to drive my daughter to Day School twice a week at our church and sometimes I don't get out of bed to take her. I can't sleep at night. I try to fall asleep and I toss and turn. I end up falling asleep at 2am and then I sleep until noon. When I force myself to wake up at 7am I will stay awake all day, but when bed time rolls around I still can't sleep until about 2am even if I've been dragging all day long. I've seen doctors who tell me I'm depressed, that I'm bi-polar that I need this vitamin or this prescription. I just don't know how to function anymore. I'm hoping to find a motivational friend or some epiphany here on this site. I'm sorry it's such a long post. I just don't know where to go from here.

Welcome to the group Darci, I hate that you've had to struggle through your journey.

It makes things so much more difficult for so many reasons. I had my surgery in your area so I'm very surprised with the large amount of specialty doctors/surgeons in your area that it has been such a struggle.

Have you tried to find a different WLS surgeon or team that would seem more interested or better equipped in helping you with post op? Also, have you tried therapy or counseling? Personally, through your post I see that you have a kiddo to care for, a reason to fight this battle and come out on top beyond all of the unsupportive people who are surrounding you in life. You won't find that here, we are on your side and want to see you succeed!

Your daughter needs you to succeed so I hope for you that you are able to push the 'haters' to the side, remember why you chose the surgery and maybe take a deep breath and start over? Maybe change your perspective just a little? Go back to the beginning, and reset things. Supplement your hunger with protein shakes, go back to the meal plan, find a team who is on your side and willing to help when you ask for it, get moving again, drink more water to quench the hunger, stop staring at the scale and first and foremost get back to living. Stop allowing what others may or may not think of you get in the way. Love yourself and get back to living life. If you know you have issues outside of weight loss, seek advice, counseling or therapy. Believe you can do this, we believe in you, we know you can do this. How? We are all doing it with you! We are all investing in our own journeys and yours as well. We want to see you healthy, happy, and loving life. We can't carry you on our shoulders but we sure can walk side by side and hold each other up. You can do this!

Pixx · Jan 22, 2018

Lyric said:
Oh Darci, I SOOOO understand you. I had RNY gastric bypass over TWO YEARS AGO, and I have NEVER gotten below 206. NEVER. And my weight on surgery day was 255!!!!!

This is NOT what I was "sold". My pouch is still small, but it doesn't seem to matter WHAT I eat. I even went a whole week once eating nothing but tiny amounts of salmon and a single protein bar per day (less than 600 calories total) and I only lost 5 lbs!!!

I am physically disabled, so exercise is not really possible for me. Thst was the WHOLE POINT of having the surgery! It was SUPPOSED to work with or without exercise (straight from the surgeons mouth).

Well my ancestors must have survived famine after famine after famine, because my genetics are forcing my poor body to hold on to every ounce of fat as if my life depends on it! And my doc says that could be entirely true. He thinks what I really NEED is a biliopancreatic diversion with a duodenal switch. But that surgery is not offered in my area.

I am almost ready to just give up hope.

Welcome to the group Lyric.

Love the name by the way! I'm surprised that since you are physically disabled they offered bypass instead of the DS, kind of seems...not the smartest move...and it is disappointing that it isn't offered in your area.

Would you be able to exercise in water with your disability? I know that water exercise is used daily for physical therapy and was just curious? Also, I take in about 800 calories a day, most of it in liquid form, am at 90-120 grams of protein a day, I take in about 100 - 120 ounces of water daily (including the protein shakes) and have found a stride in losing weight over the past 2 months, at around 2-5 lbs. a week, do you think if you got on a similar track you could be successful? Just not sure where you are at nutritionally? I hope things turn around for you soon though! Would love to see improvement for you!

Tracy Lindenmuth · Jan 24, 2018

Lyric said:
Oh Darci, I SOOOO understand you. I had RNY gastric bypass over TWO YEARS AGO, and I have NEVER gotten below 206. NEVER. And my weight on surgery day was 255!!!!!

This is NOT what I was "sold". My pouch is still small, but it doesn't seem to matter WHAT I eat. I even went a whole week once eating nothing but tiny amounts of salmon and a single protein bar per day (less than 600 calories total) and I only lost 5 lbs!!!

I am physically disabled, so exercise is not really possible for me. Thst was the WHOLE POINT of having the surgery! It was SUPPOSED to work with or without exercise (straight from the surgeons mouth).

Well my ancestors must have survived famine after famine after famine, because my genetics are forcing my poor body to hold on to every ounce of fat as if my life depends on it! And my doc says that could be entirely true. He thinks what I really NEED is a biliopancreatic diversion with a duodenal switch. But that surgery is not offered in my area.

I am almost ready to just give up hope.

Hello, welcome to this site where everyone is so nice and supportive, we all have setbacks, either mentally or physically, but we need to keep moving forward, I also have people in my life that are waiting for me to fail, I use them to help me stay on track, believe me I'm not always on track but I'm trying my best, I wish I would have done this years ago when my children were young, it would have been nice to really play with them, you got this, it is hard, people say having surgery is the easy way out, but we all know it is not, we have to be aware of everything we put in our mouths, find the time to get our exercise which is also hard especially since you do have a little one at home , just think how proud your child will be if you lost the weight and taught her how to eat right and exercise at her age, you guys could take walks together go shopping together and teach her the right way to shop, eat, and exercise someday she will thank you for that, good luck

Judith E Struble · Apr 10, 2018

Darci Shannon said:
Hello all,

Ill be 2 years out in June and I'm not even close to where I need to be. I stopped caring and went back to old habits. I was upset with my surgery from day 1. Right after surgery I could chug water. I woke up hungry. Once I progressed to soft foods I would eat the recommend amount. 1/4 cup of high protein. I was still hungry. Stomach growling hungry. Eventually I progressed to solid foods and I continued the 1/4 cup. after only a few days on solids I got tired of being hungry all the time so I decided to see how much I could eat until my stomach told me I was full. I ate 1 and a half cups of food!!! Chicken with boiled carrots and I continued to eat about 1400 calories from that day forward. Weight loss stood still so I worked out until I wanted to vomit. I cried all the time and was depressed. I finally went back to the doctors office and they said well just don't eat that much stick to the 1/4 cup. Then I said why did I pay all this money for a surgery to still be hungry and never feel full?? So their bright idea was to give me phentermine. I took it and ended up in the hospital with heart problems. My resting heart rate was 140bpm. I did counseling and went on antidepressants. I thought I was doing well. I started to lose weight again and then out of no where I started to binge eat. Cookies, pasta, chips, chocolate pies. Then I thought about just throwing up after every meal. I'm so angry that the most expensive thing I've paid for to take care of myself has been a disaster. I'm mad that everyone that was against me having the surgery has the smug "I told you so" face. I really don't know what to do at this point. I've had very little support and I've become anti-social. I don't leave my house. I don't even go to the store to shop anymore. I order my food online and do grocery pick-up. I have to drive my daughter to Day School twice a week at our church and sometimes I don't get out of bed to take her. I can't sleep at night. I try to fall asleep and I toss and turn. I end up falling asleep at 2am and then I sleep until noon. When I force myself to wake up at 7am I will stay awake all day, but when bed time rolls around I still can't sleep until about 2am even if I've been dragging all day long. I've seen doctors who tell me I'm depressed, that I'm bi-polar that I need this vitamin or this prescription. I just don't know how to function anymore. I'm hoping to find a motivational friend or some epiphany here on this site. I'm sorry it's such a long post. I just don't know where to go from here.

I am new here too. Is it possible they didn't make the pouch small enough? My stomach gurgles too and I have found that it wasn't hunger, it was gas.
I remember the shrink asking me if I thought I ate emotionally. I looked at him and stated, do you really think I got to be 150 over weight because I was hungry. Also I needed to face some very painful stuff and became I couldn't use food to hide behind any more I had a nervous breakdown. I am hoping that through this site to get and give support. <3 we are not alone...

Tracy Lindenmuth · Apr 10, 2018

I'm so sorry things are not going the way it was planned. But hiding from the world is not a good thing, you need to get out and enjoy your life, no matter what size you are, you are still alive, you have a wonderful little girl. Who is learning from you. You don't want her to end up where we all ended up, so teach her how to eat right and take walks with her. You are not alone. You have your daughter who needs you to be around for a very long time, teach her well and it may help you out to. Remember you are not alone you have us too, but your daughter forever .good luck on starting over with your daughter

Judith E Struble · Apr 10, 2018

Darci Shannon said:
Hello all,

Ill be 2 years out in June and I'm not even close to where I need to be. I stopped caring and went back to old habits. I was upset with my surgery from day 1. Right after surgery I could chug water. I woke up hungry. Once I progressed to soft foods I would eat the recommend amount. 1/4 cup of high protein. I was still hungry. Stomach growling hungry. Eventually I progressed to solid foods and I continued the 1/4 cup. after only a few days on solids I got tired of being hungry all the time so I decided to see how much I could eat until my stomach told me I was full. I ate 1 and a half cups of food!!! Chicken with boiled carrots and I continued to eat about 1400 calories from that day forward. Weight loss stood still so I worked out until I wanted to vomit. I cried all the time and was depressed. I finally went back to the doctors office and they said well just don't eat that much stick to the 1/4 cup. Then I said why did I pay all this money for a surgery to still be hungry and never feel full?? So their bright idea was to give me phentermine. I took it and ended up in the hospital with heart problems. My resting heart rate was 140bpm. I did counseling and went on antidepressants. I thought I was doing well. I started to lose weight again and then out of no where I started to binge eat. Cookies, pasta, chips, chocolate pies. Then I thought about just throwing up after every meal. I'm so angry that the most expensive thing I've paid for to take care of myself has been a disaster. I'm mad that everyone that was against me having the surgery has the smug "I told you so" face. I really don't know what to do at this point. I've had very little support and I've become anti-social. I don't leave my house. I don't even go to the store to shop anymore. I order my food online and do grocery pick-up. I have to drive my daughter to Day School twice a week at our church and sometimes I don't get out of bed to take her. I can't sleep at night. I try to fall asleep and I toss and turn. I end up falling asleep at 2am and then I sleep until noon. When I force myself to wake up at 7am I will stay awake all day, but when bed time rolls around I still can't sleep until about 2am even if I've been dragging all day long. I've seen doctors who tell me I'm depressed, that I'm bi-polar that I need this vitamin or this prescription. I just don't know how to function anymore. I'm hoping to find a motivational friend or some epiphany here on this site. I'm sorry it's such a long post. I just don't know where to go from here.

Having depression and also raising a child is very difficult. I have suffered from depression, anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. Sometimes it feels like you're trying to swim in quick sand. What helps me is writing a list of the good things in my life. Also deep breathing while clearing my mind. Instead of focusing on how horrible this is do one kind thing for yourself, a scented bath, moisturize after, thats my favorite thing. Try to see yourself through the eyes of your child, she loves you unconditionally. You're not alone...