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3 yrs out and feel like a failure !

A

Annie57

New Member
Hi, My name is Ann
I am three years out of having my RYN surgery,it was rough for me got very sick after the surgery and ended up having pumps and ivs for almost 6 months after the surgery and having 2 followup surgerys do to surgery infections! But, I hung in there but I feel like I am such a failure at this really. I thought by now I would be at a normal wieght and am not! I started this journey at 490 ,that is what scared me when I found out I had gotten that heavy! I had always been around 310 or so but yikes! The good news I lost 200 pounds but now I feel like I am in limbo because they always told me you would stop losing the weight after 18 months out and I am 290 and stuck there! I dont want to stay at this weight, I lost contact with the surgeon that I was seeing as at the time I was getting over being ill my mother became ill and I traveled out of state and then she passed. I never heard from my doctors after that. I feel alone and lost on this journey and trying to connect with others to help me find my way back and get the rest of this weight off, I would like to get to my goal weight of 125 but even if I got down to 150 I would be happy! I hope I can find some help and support from you all here! Thanks for listening to me!
 
Oh, Ann! You'll get back on track. You need to find a surgeon and "bite the bullet" so to speak. Don't get down on yourself. That's the 1st way to start sliding down the slippery slope of failure. You haven't failed yet. FIND A DOCTOR! You will do great. they may be able to give you some techniques to get you back on track. I don't know where you live. I would recommend my surgeon but that won't help if you aren't in the hudson valley NY area!

Keep your chin up hon! You'll be fine.

-Lisa
 
Thanks Lisa
I know your right. I live in Tulsa ,Ok but am planning on moving back to Utah to be nearer my sister. I know alot also has to do with the fact since I have lost so much weight that I have alot of sagging sick issues too and it makes me feel bad about myself too! Thanks for answering me!
Ann
 
Hi Ann. I am Tom. Sorry you had such a rough go of it from the start but you are doing great! I agree with Lisa, you can get back on track, start looking for support groups in your area, you should be able to get some good referals to bariatric doctors in your area and do a search on the computer for local support groups and doctors. I havent heard that we stop losing weight after 18 months I started slowing down but my Doc did tell me the closer I got to my goal weight that would happen. Stress can also cause us or anyone to retain weight so don't be discouraged, you are not failing we all hit platues here and there we just get through them, and for me the support groups are a great place to talk about it. This site is also a great place to talk in between meetings. You have done a lot of hard work to get where you are and your doing great. Let us know when you find a Doc and a support group you'll do great! :cool: Tom
 
I agree you need to find a new physician. If you aren't moving soon I would find a temporary one until I moved. A group of FB friends are doing the 5 day pouch test to get their pouch back on track. You could google it and read the information. Good luck you are in charge of your health. Take care of yourself.
 
Ann I feel your pain,I was 305lbs went down as far as 150.I was loving myself and the world.Then we moved to Tx 5 years ago,and I've started to put the weight back on.I can't find a surgeon or a support group in my area.I've started to feel like I failed.Then I have all this hanging skin and that doesn't help matters.I hate to look in the mirror cause all I see bloob I'm up to 180.HELP.
 
Well I can honestly say I am there with you... I had RNY in 2004.. started at 389.. lowest I got to was 183.. even then I still saw myself as fat because I was still in obese category. Of course losing over 200 pounds like everyone said was amazing.. yet I could not see it.. Then I had two more pregnancies.. gained up to 220.. lost down to 207.. and then injured my back.. now I am in limbo between 210 and 215.. I gain and lose the same 5 pounds no matter what I do.. not to mention I live off of protein shakes, because food makes me sick. yet, still cannot lose.. I feel like the biggest failure... ((hugs)) I am with you!!!
 
I started out lower but i am 8.5 yrs out and i still battle with the same damn 5 pounds i gain it then lose it...its frustrating,you just have to find your way again,i do too...its hard to get your motivation back,usually we need a boost from something or someone.Im getting married in 12 days,my iance is an excercise buff and has a complete gym in the basement at our new home,im hoping he'll motivate nd push me to get back in shape and lose that stubborn 5 pounds for good.Good luck to you! :)
 
ahhh Andra don't feel discourages either. I started at 335 got down to 145 and you know what that was too skinny! I had to gain weight on purpose!! well now I am 167 but would like to lose maybe 10lbs. I have loose skin too and I am not happy with it but you know what its mine and I am not going to let it ruin me I will wear sleeveless tops with my batwings and KNOW that I look good regardless.
 
Ladies remember that we always retain water weight, when it's that time of the month....Also muscles weight more then fat does you may have lost more weight but gained muscle so it will look higher on the scale, hang i there.
 
Hi there
I am Lisa.minhad gastric bypass 3 years ago. I was only 240 when I started. But I feel lost as well on the journey. No one understands but gastric bypass patients......
I am 155 now. I had gotten down to 130 and have gained 25 back since the surgery. I can eat basically anything I want except pasta.....any desserts or sugar and even candy and ice cream. Upsets me really. A lot to go through to start gaining the weight back. I went to a size 2 and 4 and now am up to a size 8. I know that it is not very big....but to ME it is. I don't want to gain more.mthe only skin extra I have is on belly a bit.

Hang in there.....I can relate!
 
My original gastric bypass was Feb 2009. 10 months out, I reached goal weight... felt awesome... had the eating under control... was promoting gastric bypass... and then, I had a bad fall down my bus steps. Since then, I've been battling with medication addiction ... a 2nd gastric bypass (repair of erupted ulcer to pouch) ... I believe I have an eating disorder now. I hate food. It hurts to eat and I crave "nothing". I merely eat to sustain life and wonder if I will ever be able to gain a few pounds to look and feel better about myself? Depression is second nature to this surgery..when it doesn't work. Can anyone help? Who knows... I just needed to vent. And maybe find out if there is "anyone" out there having similiar issues?
 
Hi RRidgway, Welcome. Sorry to hear things took a set back after such a great start, it must have been so disheartening to have to have you bypass repaired, it is scary enough once. I am just over 2 years out and I am still about 20lbs from my goal weight, i had a set back after about a 18 months, I started drinking wine a year out and 6 months later I had a terrible addiction to alcohol and I was on a fast track to ruin my life, but I got help and I turned things around. I try not to mislead anyone into thinking WLS will make us happier but it does give us the tools we need to become healthier. Happiness does come, but not from the surgery, I still suffered from some depression post op and when I started drinking it took all that away but the depression came back ten fold when I wasn't drinking and I could no longer drink like a normal person, I went from comfort food to comfort drinking, I did drink before I had surgery but was able to controle it (that in itself is alcoholism), I knew I was in trouble, my life was in a tail spin. I started counseling and eventually AA. I don't know if my story helped you but thank you for sharing your story with us, I have heared from others on here who have also had set backs after getting injured. So go ahead and vent, that is one reason we are all here, the other is for support and information sharing. Thank you. :cool: Tom
 
Four days ago I turned 54. I am discouraged and depressed because I allowed myself to regain ALL the weight I lost. My RNY was December, 2004 and I had no problems. I went from 267 pounds to 145 pounds in about 12 months. My surgeon said I was the RNY poster child. In May, 2005 my daughter was pregnant and having problems. So I came to her rescue (not a good thing) and moved to Florida to help her out. Still losing weight, doing good, even found a job at the hospital I always wanted to work in! Life was good.

The baby was born, he was in good health. My daughter was doing okay, suffered with depression. I had a new sweetheart, a great job, a new grandchild. And then it all started falling apart. I noticed I had gained weight - was 165 pounds. I was shocked - when the hell did that happen? But I didn't do anything about it - instead I started eating chocolate to hide the stress.

My sweetheart and I were together about a year when we moved in together. Six weeks later it was over. My daughter had moved to South Carolina, grandkids were gone. Things started getting tough at work - but it couldn't be me - yeah, right. I met a man, and then another, and then....and so on.

To shorten this story a bit, I met a man about 2 weeks after my breakup, we married 3 months later. Bad move. I ended up losing my job, my dreams shattered. Moved from a small town to Orlando, Florida...another bad move. New hubby had a 24 year old son at home, we did not get along. I was stressed, my dog was stressed, the chocolate was my refuge. In less than 5 years I am back at 265 pounds.

I left my husband in March. He isn't a bad guy, we just aren't good together. I live with my daughter and her three children, and she is pregnant. I am determined to put myself first again...lose some weight and start feeling normal again. I cannot work due to Fibromyalgia and my extreme brain fog.

I am back in Orlando. I have tried to find a surgeon for follow-up, but so far none of them want to see me because nothing is wrong with my RNY. My iron is low, my B12 is low, I find it very hard to eat the stuff I think I should eat. Last week my upper teeth were removed for a denture - my enamel was gone and my teeth were cracking. So I am on liquids and soft foods. This is my chance to get on track and I really need some friends to help push me forward with the weight thing.

Soon-to-be ex sent me a text telling me I was an obese idiot with nothing better to do in life than play Facebook games and eat chips and chocolates. He is wrong. But I am going to do this for me with a little help from my friends...who is willing to be my friend?
 
Hi Debann, Welcome. It sounds like you have been put through the ringer, your soon to be ex sounds like a cad, sorry but there is no reason for verbal abuse. Are you taking vitamin supplaments? On my last visit my B12 and D3 were low so I upped the sossage a little bit. Stress can cause weight retention and weight gain as well as fuel are old habits.

There is good news for you though, the surgons you talked to were more than likely correct, you still have the tool of the WLS surgery, it wont come off as fast as it did the first time but you can get back to where you were. Start with the 5 day pouch test, PM feastorfamine (Patti) on the forum, she had a set back after quite a few years and she is back on track and losing weight again, she can help you get started and be and inspiration. I think you start off from the begining just like after post op.

First thing you need to is not be down on yourself and stop buying chocolates the latter will probably be the hardest:eek:. I started indulging in sugar free ice cream in january and had to stop because I was getting out of hand, I did the same with alcohol but that was even more out of hand:rolleyes: I took care of it and quit, but I treat myself with icecream or surgar free chocolate once in a while and I am doing ok with that, so far:p.

You will find pleanty of friends and support here we are all here for each other and if you can try to find a local support group so you can talk with some other folks that are close by and help recommend a nutritionist to help with meal plans and a bariatric physician to get your vitamin levels back to a normal level that will also help, although I think we are all low on one thing or another, and try to eliminate some of your stress and start doing things for you and your health, that way you can be around for your grandchildren. Let us know how you are doing. :cool: Tom
 
Hi Ann,

I'm so sorry to hear of your surgical and post surgical troubles. I would highly encourage you to go back to this same surgeon and his team. If they are truly professional they should still be there for you wanting you to succeed even after this time has passed. If not, then you know you need to keep looking until you find the help & support you need. Do this for yourself; I believe it's never too late for any of us. We may never be our "ideal body weight" but I have to think that any close to it vs. where I am today has to make a huge difference in so many things in your life.

What I've been told is that the longer out from the surgery to slower the weight loss you can expect. This surgery is a tool but it will not lose the weight for us. It comes down to burning more calories than we take in plain and simple. Also, any food issues we have before surgery will still be with us afterwards, it's up to us to make the changes, ask for help, etc.

Is any of this easy? Absolutely not. You are not a failure; you've hit a pothole on the journey, how do you want to proceed? You're only a failure when you've completely given up and do everything they've told you not to do and do it anyway not caring on purpose.

You want help; you're reaching out. This is good. I think this journey may be more challenging for some people with complications, etc. but never quit Ann, never quit!!
 
Sagging Skin...

Annie57 said:
Thanks Lisa
I know your right. I live in Tulsa ,Ok but am planning on moving back to Utah to be nearer my sister. I know alot also has to do with the fact since I have lost so much weight that I have alot of sagging sick issues too and it makes me feel bad about myself too! Thanks for answering me!
Ann
Click to expand...

Oh I remember that sagging skin when I got below my goal weight. And not just my belly sagged, my arms, inner thighs, butt. But the worst was breasts. My breasts disappeared and suddenly the nipples were pointing at my toes! This was the worst - because I knew I could never afford the "body tuck." I talked to lots of people and they all said the same thing - you get used to it. I didn't. What does everyone do with that issue when you know you can't have plastic surgery?
 
I read a book called the "5 day pouch test". I believe I tried for a few weeks but hubby was intent on ruining the process but constantly buying chocolate. I will look for the book and get myself ready for the 5 day again. If I recall correctly, it is better to be prepared for that program than try to do it on the fly. Thank you for responding.
 
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