I had my gastric sleeve 2 1/2 yrs ago and met my goal 10 months ago. That was a 175 lb weight loss. Then my biggest fear came to fruition, I gained weight back (50 lb ) and did not do well on maintenance. Since September I have been eating high protein low carb and correct portions. Weight is coming off and I am only 13 lb away from my goal again. This second round has been really hard. Harder then the first time. Immediately following surgery the weight came off so fast and going down in clothes sizes was so rewarding. Everything was new and shiny. After my maintenance fiasco, this weight loss round has been much harder emotionally. Not only am I feeling like I am cleaning up a mess I made , but after 2 1/2 yrs of eating different from everyone I am finding that socializing is difficult. So many gatherings with friends and family do center around food at each other’s home or out at restaurants. I feel like I am an outsider and standing out by always getting the steamed veggies, grilled meats or salads with vinger only as a dressing. Don’t get me wrong the weight loss has given me a new lease on life but lately I just feel a little separated from the group because of my inability to participate in foods or even an alcoholic toast on a special occasion. Some of my friends and family have even made comments that I need to have a drink every now and then or allow myself to eat what others are having. Has or is anyone else having these kinds of feelings? If so please share how you are coping with these situations. Thank you.
Feeling like an outsider
- Thread starter Mich
- Start date
Pixx
Member
Welcome to the group 
I think your journey is encouraging. While I'm sure it is hard, especially the 2nd time around, I also think by sharing your journey you have helped so many that regain and think they will never lose again. You are a beam of hope in our group Oh, and how awesome to be only 13lbs away from your goal, congrats! I get where your coming from on the outsider thing as well. Pretty much every social gathering is kind of awkward because I can't eat anything and I drink water. Oh, and if I do eat a little of something, it feels as if everyone is watching to see how much I am going to eat. It is so weird. What's worse at times is eating with a friend who had the surgery, cause it's almost like they are more hawk like in the watching what you eat and drink. I did start taking food I could eat to social gatherings. Either a dessert I could eat, like yogurt bark, or food like grilled chicken bites so that I knew there would be something safe to eat. The restaurant thing is a bit harder for me, I am slowly developing an aversion to going out to eat because I know I can't eat the portion size they give me...more likely I'm getting something that makes like 4 meals for me, and it is so risky because I just don't know if it is going to be something that works that day or if I'm going to get a bit ill from eating it based on how it was prepared. I haven't had an occasion where alcohol plays into things, but I imagine that would be difficult as well. I can't say I'm coping well with it, I'm just hoping I figure out a way to change my perception and awkwardness to handle things better going forward. Thanks for sharing!
I think your journey is encouraging. While I'm sure it is hard, especially the 2nd time around, I also think by sharing your journey you have helped so many that regain and think they will never lose again. You are a beam of hope in our group Oh, and how awesome to be only 13lbs away from your goal, congrats! I get where your coming from on the outsider thing as well. Pretty much every social gathering is kind of awkward because I can't eat anything and I drink water. Oh, and if I do eat a little of something, it feels as if everyone is watching to see how much I am going to eat. It is so weird. What's worse at times is eating with a friend who had the surgery, cause it's almost like they are more hawk like in the watching what you eat and drink. I did start taking food I could eat to social gatherings. Either a dessert I could eat, like yogurt bark, or food like grilled chicken bites so that I knew there would be something safe to eat. The restaurant thing is a bit harder for me, I am slowly developing an aversion to going out to eat because I know I can't eat the portion size they give me...more likely I'm getting something that makes like 4 meals for me, and it is so risky because I just don't know if it is going to be something that works that day or if I'm going to get a bit ill from eating it based on how it was prepared. I haven't had an occasion where alcohol plays into things, but I imagine that would be difficult as well. I can't say I'm coping well with it, I'm just hoping I figure out a way to change my perception and awkwardness to handle things better going forward. Thanks for sharing!Thank you so much for your response and encouragement. I have been packing my little go bag for a while now. I use it as a back up plan when I am out running errands in case the day gets away from me, so that I have a healthy option within reach and to friends homes. It just feels embarrassing, weird and like I am standing out and being obstinate about my diet in their eyes. I am just afraid of letting it go once in a while when I reach my goal and I am on maintenance again. I don’t want a little bite to turn into a couple of bites and then into the whole thing. I want to STAY on maintenance and not have to loose again like I am currently having to do. I agree completely with you. Going out to eat is a major challenge. My husband and I eat at home most of the time. It Is typically healthier and is just easier. We do frequently travel out of town to visit family and close friends (average of about 1 x a month) and when we do that group of individuals eat out for breakfast and dinners almost everyday or they are at someone’s home on the weekend at a little informal get together where chips, bbq with sauce, sugery coleslaw, deserts and alcohol flow freely. I find these travel times the most challenging and the ones I feel most like an outsider and the hardest to figure out (because the days are so fluid with plans it’s hard to plan my meals for the day). As usual I always have my go bag but I am beginning to hear comments more and more to join in with food bites or alcohol toasts. It makes what I am personally already dealing with by feeling separated from and not part of the group even harder. However, your response and having someone truely understand what I am going through is an amazing consolation. The holidays always are Incredible challenges too. Especially next week when I will be back out of town with those family and friends at a New Years Party. I am already trying to do self talk and decide if I want to allow myself on that occasion to maybe have a toast with a small glass of wine or if there is a desert I really like to enjoy a small portion of it. I’m not sure. I’m afraid if I do I will feel guilty because I haven’t lost all my weight yet and I’m fearful of the slippery sloap. On the other hand I have been incredibly careful watching every bite that goes into my mouth and maybe because it is a SPECIAL occasion, not just the informal get together I should allow myself this bite or sip if I really want it. Thoughts or suggestions on how to decide when to allow yourself that little bite or that 1 meal that’s not our normal healthy one would be most appreciated.Welcome to the group
Pixx
Member
I think it is perfectly healthy and awesome to be where you are, and I kind of encourage you to enjoy your special occasion. I get the slippery slope feeling, but at the same time, you seem like you have a really great perspective that it is a special occasion and not an everyday thing. I think it's going to help you set that boundary with food and drink. How awful it would be if we could never enjoy the special occasions! Don't feel guilty about it either! It isn't 'cheating'. There isn't anything wrong with having a special dessert or a glass of wine once in awhile. (Of course, my surgeon would disagree, as alcohol is strictly prohibited for bypass patients. *sigh*) But truly it's the over indulgence and continuance of having those things that is the real problem. Enjoy the party, set the boundaries around that special occasion and when it's over, you'll have a new year to get back to the new 'norm' of day to day. Plus, you aren't going to gain weight from one night, one meal, one drink. It's doing it over and over that causes the problem. I can see how it would be easy for many to start thinking of every event as special and use it as an excuse to over indulge on a regular basis, but you've been there, regained, and returned and are stronger for it. Whatever you decide, I think you'll be successful because of the learning curve you've been through and the battle your still fighting to get to where you want to be.
Thank you so very much. Your pearls of wisdom are priceless. You have renewed my spirit and my drive to continue this journey. You are so very RIGHT it is just a special occasion with BOUNDARIES. I have gone down that slippery slope and LEARNED greatly from where I went and what I am still fighting the good battle to return to. You are also wise to state the importance of enjoying and celebrations the special occasions and events in life. I believe this is what I have not been doing and have missed so desperately and as a result has made me feel so isolated and sad. I want to join the party and then after the party it’s RIGHT back to high protein, low carb diet and exercise. One meal, desert or drink will not take away all that I have achieved. I just need to remember to keep the PERSPECTIVE OF BOUNDARIES! Thank you, thank you, thank you Pixx!
Tracy Lindenmuth
Member
You all are amazing I am fighting the slippery slope right now, these holidays are crazy I know I will be over indulging tomorrow so today I have decided not to eat any sugar or carbs, strictly protein and veggies and lots and lots of water, I am going to do my best to stick to it.
You are doing a great job by recognizing where you are and having a game plan. Stick with your plan to eat healthy today and know that tomarrow you can allow yourself to indulge in the celebration. Then it’s back to healthy eating for us all and exercise. Knowing what’s going to be passing my lips spurred me on to increase the time of my strengthening exercise this morning. I don’t do crazy amounts but for me it was a HUGE achievement and hurdle. I am so excited that you joined our discussion and I truly wish you the best today as you make your healthy choices. Getting back on the wagon so to speak is the hardest part. Once your there for a couple of weeks the cravings start to decrease and the satisfaction with healthy choices starts to reappear. Just do your best to set those indulgence meals or treats around the BOUNDARY celebratory moments. You can do this you ate healthy before and you can do it again.
Tracy Lindenmuth
Member
Thank you I do plan on being cautious tomorrow, a little bite will do it, I plan on eating my protein first so there is not much room for anything else, good luck to all of you on your choices tomorrow and the new year celebration, and make sure to make good choices between though two holidays, and have a great new year
Judith E Struble
New Member
You are amazing and if others are being insensitive concerning your health needs thats their problem. I'm sure they don't mean to be but to tell someone they should drink alcohol now and then or to splurge on food occasionally is being insensitive. What others think is of no importance only what you think about your success is important. No one is perfect but the fact that you have worked so hard for the weight loss is commendable. Just try to realize that and stay the course. You've got this.
Donna Steinman
Member
It is a challenge. I'm ten lbs from goal. When at gatherings at church I do just a couple of bites. I weigh every day so it helps me keep on track. Maintenance is just as hard or harder than losing the weight. Lol knowing that I can have a small treat actually keeps me sane and then I don't crave as much. It's a whole new way of living. Best wishes you can do it.