April petrea
Member
Help me my daughter doesn't want me to have surgery , I weigh over 600lbs and my daughter says I should not have surgery, and I should just eat right and exercise.What should I tell that I need surgery to help me loss weight.
Help me my daughter doesn't want me to have surgery , I weigh over 600lbs and my daughter says I should not have surgery, and I should just eat right
- Thread starter April petrea
- Start date
Pink Julie
Member
I think your daughter is probably worried about you going through surgery, but at over 600lbs you don’t really have any other option. People don’t understand. You should go with what you think is best and what the medical experts say, and encourage her to do some research. Reading through this site could provide lots of information. Good luck!
3momchaos
Member
This surgery is a tool to help you eat better and get to a point where you can exercise. I’m sure your daughter is worried about your health, but this is tool in your kit to success. Even at my weight of 277 pounds, I know that I cannot do this without help. I’ve tried everything else, and I mentally know that this is what I need.
missyinacage
Member
I am super close to my family and have nothing but respect for familial ties, but you have to do what you think is best for your health situation, period. My closest family members were not immediately on board either. My program actually had a seminar, both in person and online, you had to attend before you started the program. My husband attended so he could understand where I was coming from. If your program has something similar, or even brochures, share them with your daughter. If not, hopefully, she is willing to do some research into obesity to more fully form an opinion about your health condition and the decisions you make regarding them. There have been a million studies proving that diet and exercise don't always work for those of us who are obese because the fat has genetically/biologically changed the way your body functions. But in the end, it is your decision and she will come to respect it.
LisaLisa
Member
How many times have you tried to "eat right and exercise?" Most of us have been on that merry-go-round for decades. Even if you lose significant weight, science says you have a 95% chance of gaining it all back plus more. With surgery you have a much greater chance that eating right and exercise will keep you at a healthy weight. I wouldn't let her derail your plans for a healthy life.
TraceyT
Member
Hi April -
How old is your daughter? I have 5 beautiful daughters! They're 31, 28, 19, 18, 16-my baby will be 17 11/24. I've been thick, thin, thicker, thick & pregnant. It's much easier to tell someone that they should eat better and exercise - than for someone to actually do it.
I'm a firm believer that family should be supportive of whatever informed decisions we make. I'm real fast to broom people to the curb because they decide they believe someone should do this or do that but not this. My closest family members have been extremely supportive.
Let your daughter know that the surgery is a tool to help you eat better and be able to exercise. Let her know this wasn't or isn't a flip or spur of the moment decision.
From my perspective and my personal experience my GB surgery was a life changing event. My husband has lost 25 pounds and my girls (still have the 3 youngest at home) are eating healthier because of my surgery. I grocery shop differently. There is always fresh fruits, veggies in my home now. I make deserts that are sweetened with nectar's or agave - they taste really great without all the empty calories. I use protein powder to make pancakes, protein bites, and other things that are better for us than all of the pre-packaged items. There are times my husband will ask for my killer cheese cake, cheese cake fruit dip, or my buttermilk pound cake. I still make those just a lot less frequently. Me having GB turned out to be good thing for my family.
I truly wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Just remember to live YOUR life - not the life your daughter would like you to live!
How old is your daughter? I have 5 beautiful daughters! They're 31, 28, 19, 18, 16-my baby will be 17 11/24. I've been thick, thin, thicker, thick & pregnant. It's much easier to tell someone that they should eat better and exercise - than for someone to actually do it.
I'm a firm believer that family should be supportive of whatever informed decisions we make. I'm real fast to broom people to the curb because they decide they believe someone should do this or do that but not this. My closest family members have been extremely supportive.
Let your daughter know that the surgery is a tool to help you eat better and be able to exercise. Let her know this wasn't or isn't a flip or spur of the moment decision.
From my perspective and my personal experience my GB surgery was a life changing event. My husband has lost 25 pounds and my girls (still have the 3 youngest at home) are eating healthier because of my surgery. I grocery shop differently. There is always fresh fruits, veggies in my home now. I make deserts that are sweetened with nectar's or agave - they taste really great without all the empty calories. I use protein powder to make pancakes, protein bites, and other things that are better for us than all of the pre-packaged items. There are times my husband will ask for my killer cheese cake, cheese cake fruit dip, or my buttermilk pound cake. I still make those just a lot less frequently. Me having GB turned out to be good thing for my family.
I truly wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Just remember to live YOUR life - not the life your daughter would like you to live!
WazzuCoug
Member
What your daughter probably doesn't realize is that losing weight once morbidly obese is practically impossible. If "eating right" was and easy solution, half of our country wouldn't be overweight. It's not about a matter of willpower. Your body biology actively fights against weight loss. It is a battle that only a very few people can win without surgery. It is certainly possible, but weight loss isn't the only factor here. Surgery resolves comorbidities MUCH faster than non-surgery weight loss.
First, let's talk a little bit about why it is so hard to lose weight once you are overweight or obese.
As we gain weight over time, we obviously start adding fat to our bodies. The fat (aka adipose tissue) in our body produces a hormone call lepin. The more fat you have, the more leptin you produce. Your brain reacts to leptin levels to recognize if you are food-deprived (starving). This controls your hunger and metabolism. When you go on a diet and start reducing fat, the amount of leptin in your system starts to decrease. Very often, most of us start out a diet very intensely and we lose fat rather quickly. Your brain sees that you have less leptin in your system and believes you are starving yourself. It is programmed to "defend" the weight it thinks you should be, which is where you were at prior to the diet. So, to defend that weight from further fat loss, it does two things: 1. You get hungrier, and 2. Your metabolism slows down, which decreases how efficiently you burn calories and fat. This is a "double whammy" that is very hard to battle. We can often push through this for a time, but most if not all of us eventually either cave-in consciously and eat/binge, or we start adding calories subconsciously. Your brain and hormones really take over and we are damn near powerless to fight it. Those people who are successful at massive weight loss without surgery are "unicorns." They are practically mythical creatures that are super rare and way outside the norm. Is it possible...sure...is it probable...no.
Additionally, most of the foods people have been eating that have influenced their weight would probably not be considered healthy, and definitely aren't good foods for our digestive system. Our "gut bugs" and gut health have a massive influence on our health and weight. When we are obese, our gut bugs are all out of whack. Our immunity is reduced, we have bile and digestive issues, we have "leaky gut." Our gut is about the biggest immunity organ, which is probably why a massive number of COVID deaths are appearing in obese people and related comorbidities. Our immunity is shot when we are obese. Our guts can actually produce pretty much every single hormone and essential nutrient and chemicals when it is healthy. When it isn't healthy, that also fights against us. Hunger hormones are out of whack, which can compound hunger feelings on top of what the leptin is already doing. It is a massive cascading system that is completely screwed up when we are obese.
These are just some of the reasons it is almost impossible to lose weight prior to surgery.
Okay, the second thing to be aware of:
Surgery can reduce, reverse, and even cure many of these issues, and regular weight loss doesn't always succeed in that regard. Surgery definitely will have a much faster effect on things like hormones and gut bugs much, much faster than non-surgical weight loss. In fact, things like diabetes can go into remission within days after surgery. Hypertension can be lower within days of surgery. Sleep apnea can be improved within days of surgery. Your microbiome (gut bugs) are basically reset to what it would be in a thin person. Your immunity improves almost immediately. All of these things can happen before any significant weight loss, which can really help you focus on building new food and exercise habits. Researchers don't have definitive answers on why all of these changes take place after surgery, but the evidence is very clear that the surgery is much more than just food restriction for weight loss, in fact the food restriction really isn't the important part. It's the hormones. Your brain now sees a much lower "defensible weight" and doesn't put you into starvation mode while you are losing weight after surgery. It's an amazing thing. That doesn't mean you won't be hungry, but I generally eat between 800-1000 calories a day and I experience "normal" hunger, not "starving." That is due to the hormonal signals, not the stomach size restriction.
The last things to be aware of:
All of the benefits of surgery are come with some risk, of course. There is a surgical risk, and although it's low, that risk does exist. In my opinion, however, the risk of remaining obese is a much greater risk for a person's health than having the surgery. It's obviously something to talk with the surgeon about. Obviously, the more obese, the greater the risk, but it's still a smaller risk than all of the potential obesity-related diseases out there (hear disease, diabetes, autoimmune, etc., etc.)
There is also the risk of regaining weight. The surgery does not guarantee permanent weight loss, but it gives you a much better chance to lose it and build good habits for life. That being said, it can easily go the other direction. I personally know people who've had the surgery who as soon as they could start going through the McDonald's drive-through again or started getting fried chicken takeout and eating it during work breaks in the employee bathroom. Self-destructive behaviors and coping mechanisms are not fixed by the surgery. The mental side has to be fixed too, or we are more likely to regain significantly.
In the end, you need to make the decision about your health. I'm sure you value your daughter's opinion, but if you share the benefits of the surgery and how it can more quickly help turn your health around, she should understand and be supportive. I hope she would.
Regardless of what you decide, any steps you take to improve your health and weight would be beneficial, but surgery is going to do way more, much faster than anything else you'd be able to accomplish otherwise.
Best of luck! I really hope you are able to come to a decision that is best for you and your long term health, comfort and quality of life.
Again, these are my opinions based on the research that I've done, mostly drawn from scholarly publications by the University of Michigan and the University of Washington bariatric research centers.
All my best.
First, let's talk a little bit about why it is so hard to lose weight once you are overweight or obese.
As we gain weight over time, we obviously start adding fat to our bodies. The fat (aka adipose tissue) in our body produces a hormone call lepin. The more fat you have, the more leptin you produce. Your brain reacts to leptin levels to recognize if you are food-deprived (starving). This controls your hunger and metabolism. When you go on a diet and start reducing fat, the amount of leptin in your system starts to decrease. Very often, most of us start out a diet very intensely and we lose fat rather quickly. Your brain sees that you have less leptin in your system and believes you are starving yourself. It is programmed to "defend" the weight it thinks you should be, which is where you were at prior to the diet. So, to defend that weight from further fat loss, it does two things: 1. You get hungrier, and 2. Your metabolism slows down, which decreases how efficiently you burn calories and fat. This is a "double whammy" that is very hard to battle. We can often push through this for a time, but most if not all of us eventually either cave-in consciously and eat/binge, or we start adding calories subconsciously. Your brain and hormones really take over and we are damn near powerless to fight it. Those people who are successful at massive weight loss without surgery are "unicorns." They are practically mythical creatures that are super rare and way outside the norm. Is it possible...sure...is it probable...no.
Additionally, most of the foods people have been eating that have influenced their weight would probably not be considered healthy, and definitely aren't good foods for our digestive system. Our "gut bugs" and gut health have a massive influence on our health and weight. When we are obese, our gut bugs are all out of whack. Our immunity is reduced, we have bile and digestive issues, we have "leaky gut." Our gut is about the biggest immunity organ, which is probably why a massive number of COVID deaths are appearing in obese people and related comorbidities. Our immunity is shot when we are obese. Our guts can actually produce pretty much every single hormone and essential nutrient and chemicals when it is healthy. When it isn't healthy, that also fights against us. Hunger hormones are out of whack, which can compound hunger feelings on top of what the leptin is already doing. It is a massive cascading system that is completely screwed up when we are obese.
These are just some of the reasons it is almost impossible to lose weight prior to surgery.
Okay, the second thing to be aware of:
Surgery can reduce, reverse, and even cure many of these issues, and regular weight loss doesn't always succeed in that regard. Surgery definitely will have a much faster effect on things like hormones and gut bugs much, much faster than non-surgical weight loss. In fact, things like diabetes can go into remission within days after surgery. Hypertension can be lower within days of surgery. Sleep apnea can be improved within days of surgery. Your microbiome (gut bugs) are basically reset to what it would be in a thin person. Your immunity improves almost immediately. All of these things can happen before any significant weight loss, which can really help you focus on building new food and exercise habits. Researchers don't have definitive answers on why all of these changes take place after surgery, but the evidence is very clear that the surgery is much more than just food restriction for weight loss, in fact the food restriction really isn't the important part. It's the hormones. Your brain now sees a much lower "defensible weight" and doesn't put you into starvation mode while you are losing weight after surgery. It's an amazing thing. That doesn't mean you won't be hungry, but I generally eat between 800-1000 calories a day and I experience "normal" hunger, not "starving." That is due to the hormonal signals, not the stomach size restriction.
The last things to be aware of:
All of the benefits of surgery are come with some risk, of course. There is a surgical risk, and although it's low, that risk does exist. In my opinion, however, the risk of remaining obese is a much greater risk for a person's health than having the surgery. It's obviously something to talk with the surgeon about. Obviously, the more obese, the greater the risk, but it's still a smaller risk than all of the potential obesity-related diseases out there (hear disease, diabetes, autoimmune, etc., etc.)
There is also the risk of regaining weight. The surgery does not guarantee permanent weight loss, but it gives you a much better chance to lose it and build good habits for life. That being said, it can easily go the other direction. I personally know people who've had the surgery who as soon as they could start going through the McDonald's drive-through again or started getting fried chicken takeout and eating it during work breaks in the employee bathroom. Self-destructive behaviors and coping mechanisms are not fixed by the surgery. The mental side has to be fixed too, or we are more likely to regain significantly.
In the end, you need to make the decision about your health. I'm sure you value your daughter's opinion, but if you share the benefits of the surgery and how it can more quickly help turn your health around, she should understand and be supportive. I hope she would.
Regardless of what you decide, any steps you take to improve your health and weight would be beneficial, but surgery is going to do way more, much faster than anything else you'd be able to accomplish otherwise.
Best of luck! I really hope you are able to come to a decision that is best for you and your long term health, comfort and quality of life.
Again, these are my opinions based on the research that I've done, mostly drawn from scholarly publications by the University of Michigan and the University of Washington bariatric research centers.
All my best.
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Hi April, I’m pretty sure your daughter is just scare and you need to reassure her that the surgery is safe and that it will give you an opportunity for a better life. I have two boys one is 26 and the other is 24 at first they didn’t want me to have the surgery either but ultimately supported me when I explained to them that I was tire of living with so many limitations and with so much pain. I had my surgery July 28 2020 and every day makes me realize that I made the best decision of my life. I’m eating healthier and have less pain and aches. I really hope you make the right decision too.
I had my surgery on july 31st and I was scared but now that I had it I feel so good about my health and im happy I had it done you will have your good days and bad i ain't going to sugar coat it but its worth the ride just insure your daughter this is for your health and well being and once the surgery is over she will be happy you did this to God bless you .and best of luck on your surgery if you want to talk just message me any time we are all here for you.
April I can appreciate where you are coming from. I had family members that did not want me to have the surgery and I was getting close every day to being over 500 pounds. While it is easy for those around us to say "eat better and exercise" Wazzu is spot on with the points that he made above. For me it was about putting my health concerns and to be around long term for my family above their concerns about the surgery. If I did not have it I would be over 500 pounds today and come up with every excuse to not go to my kids events and those that I would go to would be based upon "is there a chair big enough for my butt" or how far to do I have to walk from where I park to where i need to go. If there were many stairs involved forget it, i wouldnt even bother getting out of the car. Fast forward three months later and there are no limitations, no medicines, no sleep apnea, and if I had to walk a mile to get to the kids events it is no longer a limitation for me. I am glad that I put myself first above everyone elses concerns. I hope that doesnt come across as me sounding selfish because i view it as being here for my family longer than the path i was going down.