I will not kill anyone today!!!

[NewChallenge]

I will not this this stress get to me. (But I think it is) We have my husband’s brother and the wife at our house. (Who just showed up asking if they could stay a few nights. When my husband went to WI, they did not let him stay at their house. Because they had to work)

I will start with I do not like the wife at all, we never had the first Christmas after my son was born, they got less $$ for Christmas from the parents. The wife said to me Oh now because of you we get less money. (Who the hell does this. Yes, I had my son before we were married)

The wife has been not nice to me from the start. Enough I never said anything just sucked it up. After a few years my husband’s sister steps in and bitches to the wife about how she has treated me and my son. Oh lord not what I wanted.

Now that we moved, I have told my husband the wife is not welcome in this house. Well, her she is at my house. (I was asked to be nice, so I am, but this is killing me) Now they are making noise late into the night (they are in their 60’s) Have made a mess. Like take some nuts eat some drop 6 on the floor (Yes, I did count) don’t pick them up, leave the nuts on the counter. Drink your wine came with wine as we do not drink. Leve it all over with a sticky mess.

After my 2 hours of sleep, I get up clean up the mess and go to work. To come home to the same mess only now 23 nuts on the floor (yes, I counted again. We have tile floor tell me you didn’t know you dropped something) Now I was told by my husband that it was rude to have cleaned up the mess. (OH, MY I AM SO NOT HAPPY WITH HIM) I guess I made the wife feel bad. I just think she is playing him.

I come home yesterday the house is even more of a miss. Sink is full of dishes, can’t even see the counter as so much stuff is all over. I see how this would be rude to clean up. So, I shower and go to my room, so I do not say anything. Only to get 3 hours of sleep, due to the noise.

Now I have slept 5 hours in 2 days. Am living in a sticky mess. NOW I CAN’T FIND MY HEADPHONES SO I CAN WALK AND HAVE MY BOOK WITH ME. I think it is the tired, but I did cry on my way to work today. I love my headphones and my books.

If I do not kill anyone today It will be a good day.

 

[Jniz]

So sorry that you have to deal with this.

Over the years we have had a number of people come to stay at our house. I guess because were nice and we have a good size house people think we should accommodate them.

From the first time this happened I did what my Uncle told me he did. Right up front they have 1 week to stay with us at most no exceptions and we do get pushback at times but it has been for the best. The only exception is my son who stayed for 2 months and it was hard. My wife is OCD and our house is in order. Some people don't think they should have to comply with the house rules. We can live with it for 1 week and I typically pickup the random crap so my wife doesn't get upset.

Best,
James

 

[NewChallenge]

I just got the best news They are leaving today. Will be back Monday or Tuesday.

I can live with the mess but the wife has her home clean. I feel like she is just working on bugging me. Lee my husbands brother has been nice. I can hear him saying we need to be quite. IT is the wife. But I am so happy and will clean when I get home so I will be all happy again.

But do not know if the husband will be in to work. Maybe he thinks he is the one I will Kill. LOL

 

[3momchaos]

Change the locks and keep the lights off so they don’t come back.

 

[Mama Bella]

Bless you, you are so much stronger than most of us. You took the high road, be so proud of yourself. I hope your husband appreciates you. Unfortunately too many of us have family horror stories.

My hardest relationship I have had was a sister-in-law. She made it her mission in life to do whatever she could to make my life miserable. She lied about me among my husbands' siblings (he is the oldest of 9. It is not as if she saw me that often but she was determined to try and put a wedge between my husband and me. For example, two years previous (in ear shot of me) she told my husband's ex that she could get him back. The hardest part was my husband not speaking up in my defense to her or to the rumors. I was not allowed in her house, so I had to wait in the car if he had to stop.

Through the years I had tried to understand her, forgive her and take the high road. But it came to a head when we returned (after 10 weeks of my husband's prostrate cancer treatments) from CA where we also gotten married after living together for 4 years. Keep in mind that her mom, with Alzheimer's, had been living with us for 3 years at that point ( also an alcoholic that I had to get her off of).

She invited herself to the house and proceeded to get drunk during brunch. She even poured her recovered alcoholic mother mimosas. She started a fight with my step son as soon as he arrived. He asked my husband why he let her get away with things like that and not standing up for me or his own mom. We left the two guys on the patio to talk and I cleared the table. She proceeded to trash the ex to my mother-in-law.

Please do not think that I do not sympathize with or have no understanding of those who struggle with alcohol because I have seen it first hand with most of my mother's siblings, many of my now husbands siblings, my older son, and my mother's struggles as a child of an alcoholic parent.

For me that was the final straw. I told her that she and I needed to talk. I wanted to clear the air by understanding what she had against me so we could start over. She flew into a rage and slapped me (she had done this many times with her siblings).

I was shocked, never having been in a fight or ever having been slapped. She hit me so hard my ear ring flew off and broke. I asked her to calm down and she started to slap me again but I grabbed her hand and I slapped her, telling her that slap was for the ex too. I held her hands to stop any more nonsense. Nothing but pure rage and drunken nonsense came out of her. I had not had anything but orange juice.

I abhor violence and could not believe what had happened, I was in a bit of a shock that I had defended myself. A quiet calm came over me.

It just came down to the fact that since my husband had been divorced for over 25 years she was jealous that when my husband had been in town he had been at her beckon call. She never married, had no friends, only work and siblings. Over the years none of his relationships had lasted very long and he had not lived with anyone else either so I had been her first real threat.

He finally stood up for me the next day and since so no more major issues with her because he will not allow it. Over time, the siblings who believed her, saw the truth and accepted me.

Her last remark was "No one else in the family likes you either and besides that YOU ARE FAT." I told her "You will always be a drunk but I might lose the weight". Well we are praying she controls her alcohol at a family wedding tomorrow. Nearly 13 years later, 3 weeks post op, but I will get there.

 

[NewChallenge]

No I can be nice. But it does hurt.

I still do not get why my husband said it is rude if I clean it all up. I think that would be a nice thing

Bless you, you are so much stronger than most of us. You took the high road, be so proud of yourself. I hope your husband appreciates you. Unfortunately too many of us have family horror stories.

My hardest relationship I have had was a sister-in-law. She made it her mission in life to do whatever she could to make my life miserable. She lied about me among my husbands' siblings (he is the oldest of 9. It is not as if she saw me that often but she was determined to try and put a wedge between my husband and me. For example, two years previous (in ear shot of me) she told my husband's ex that she could get him back. The hardest part was my husband not speaking up in my defense to her or to the rumors. I was not allowed in her house, so I had to wait in the car if he had to stop.

Through the years I had tried to understand her, forgive her and take the high road. But it came to a head when we returned (after 10 weeks of my husband's prostrate cancer treatments) from CA where we also gotten married after living together for 4 years. Keep in mind that her mom, with Alzheimer's, had been living with us for 3 years at that point ( also an alcoholic that I had to get her off of).

She invited herself to the house and proceeded to get drunk during brunch. She even poured her recovered alcoholic mother mimosas. She started a fight with my step son as soon as he arrived. He asked my husband why he let her get away with things like that and not standing up for me or his own mom. We left the two guys on the patio to talk and I cleared the table. She proceeded to trash the ex to my mother-in-law.

Please do not think that I do not sympathize with or have no understanding of those who struggle with alcohol because I have seen it first hand with most of my mother's siblings, many of my now husbands siblings, my older son, and my mother's struggles as a child of an alcoholic parent.

For me that was the final straw. I told her that she and I needed to talk. I wanted to clear the air by understanding what she had against me so we could start over. She flew into a rage and slapped me (she had done this many times with her siblings).

I was shocked, never having been in a fight or ever having been slapped. She hit me so hard my ear ring flew off and broke. I asked her to calm down and she started to slap me again but I grabbed her hand and I slapped her, telling her that slap was for the ex too. I held her hands to stop any more nonsense. Nothing but pure rage and drunken nonsense came out of her. I had not had anything but orange juice.

I abhor violence and could not believe what had happened, I was in a bit of a shock that I had defended myself. A quiet calm came over me.

It just came down to the fact that since my husband had been divorced for over 25 years she was jealous that when my husband had been in town he had been at her beckon call. She never married, had no friends, only work and siblings. Over the years none of his relationships had lasted very long and he had not lived with anyone else either so I had been her first real threat.

He finally stood up for me the next day and since so no more major issues with her because he will not allow it. Over time, the siblings who believed her, saw the truth and accepted me.

Her last remark was "No one else in the family likes you either and besides that YOU ARE FAT." I told her "You will always be a drunk but I might lose the weight". Well we are praying she controls her alcohol at a family wedding tomorrow. Nearly 13 years later, 3 weeks post op, but I will get there.

Wow !!! I don't know what I would do if I would get slapped.

I am lucky on the end that my husband's brothers and sister all stick up for me. (my husband is the only one who does not) I was 24 when I came into the family she had alway been mean to me and then my kids. I to this day do not know what I did to her. Other than she was not happy they got less for Christmas when our son was born.

On the other end I didn't hurt anyone yesterday. We had a very good day at work we played some apples to apples and that just made the day fun for all of us. My husband cleaned the house up and we telling me how much mess he had to clean up. Now he did say he thinks she was doing this on purpose. to bug me.

 

[Mama Bella]

No I can be nice. But it does hurt.

I still do not get why my husband said it is rude if I clean it all up. I think that would be a nice thing


Wow !!! I don't know what I would do if I would get slapped.

I am lucky on the end that my husband's brothers and sister all stick up for me. (my husband is the only one who does not) I was 24 when I came into the family she had alway been mean to me and then my kids. I to this day do not know what I did to her. Other than she was not happy they got less for Christmas when our son was born.

On the other end I didn't hurt anyone yesterday. We had a very good day at work we played some apples to apples and that just made the day fun for all of us. My husband cleaned the house up and we telling me how much mess he had to clean up. Now he did say he thinks she was doing this on purpose. to bug me.

It sound like he is making progress in his reaction to help with the mess and understanding her thinking.

The first family reunion after that episode we avoided each other the first day. Finally I approached her on the second day, "I am looking forward to us starting over and getting to know each other." The way I looked at it, my sister-in law did not deserve another moment in my head if she could not have a conversation with me.

Two family members are assigned to stay with her today at the wedding to keep her sober, no politics or embarrassing family stories. If she ruins today she will be barred from family gatherings if my husband does not kill her first.

Good luck Sweetie

 

[KarenWV]

It sound like he is making progress in his reaction to help with the mess and understanding her thinking.

The first family reunion after that episode we avoided each other the first day. Finally I approached her on the second day, "I am looking forward to us starting over and getting to know each other." The way I looked at it, my sister-in law did not deserve another moment in my head if she could not have a conversation with me.

Two family members are assigned to stay with her today at the wedding to keep her sober, no politics or embarrassing family stories. If she ruins today she will be barred from family gatherings if my husband does not kill her first.

Good luck Sweetie

Fantastic way of family handling a situation before it gets out of hand. Her alcoholism evidently is affecting her life with such toxicity even when she is not drinking. I cannot imagine having someone putting their hands on me. You came through on the other side like a trooper, & you are now the "smaller" bigger person.

Wishing you the best of everything as you continue this journey!