Is Every Day a Struggle After Surgery?

[Badgy]

People tell me this surgery is a lifelong change. That it is a daily fight.

Is it? Do you spend every single day worrying about what you are going to eat 3-6 times a day? Counting calories? Arguing with yourself to exercise? Feeling down and out when you drop the ball?

Because that is what I call a diet. That is why I opted for surgery. Because I cannot live everyday worrying about food and how it makes me feel.

If you've all been trying to say that this surgery is like a diet on steroids, then no thank you. I can do that to myself with an actual diet and not cut apart my digestive tract.

I'm really confused. People eat too much so they have this surgery to limit that. But what I'm hearing is that the surgery doesn't work that way. That we have to actually continue to limit what we eat. Is this correct?

Because that doesn't warrant a lifetime of heartburn or dumping syndrome or vitamin deficiencies or complications.

I'm so confused at what is being said to me. What exactly is this surgery?

 

[3momchaos]

I haven’t had my surgery yet, but I can share my perspective of how I plan on looking at things afterwards. It is a lifelong change. My lifelong issues up to this point have landed me where I am at. But that’s me-I’m not trying to make assumptions about anyone else. I think after surgery will be a struggle because of the liquid diet, change in tastes, and relearning how to eat for my health and my future. I have 2 bad knees, hip and lower back issues, fatty liver, and I’m prediabetic. I’m only 37. All that has to change for me if I want to continue to live an active and fulfilling life. Once I’ve got the hang of the changes, I do not think that I will struggle as much. Are there going to be time when I do? Of course! I think I’ll have to fight cravings for a while, but I don’t see that being a long term fight. I have to remember what I’m doing this for. I think that’s the big question that we all have to ask ourselves, and be honest with ourselves. If I would have tried to do this 7 or 5 or even 3 years ago, I don’t think I would have been mentally prepared. But this is all my perspective, so I’m not sure if it helps.

 

[dianeseattle]

People tell me this surgery is a lifelong change. That it is a daily fight.

Is it? Do you spend every single day worrying about what you are going to eat 3-6 times a day? Counting calories? Arguing with yourself to exercise? Feeling down and out when you drop the ball?

I'm really confused. People eat too much so they have this surgery to limit that. But what I'm hearing is that the surgery doesn't work that way. That we have to actually continue to limit what we eat. Is this correct?

"Ghrelin is a multifaceted gut hormone which activates its receptor, growth hormone secretagogue receptor (GHS-R). Ghrelin's hallmark functions are its stimulatory effects on food intake, fat deposition and growth hormone release. Ghrelin is famously known as the “hunger hormone”.

Ghrelin: much more than a hunger hormone - NCBI - NIH
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov › articles

When you get into the car to drive, do you have to think, Where is the accelerator? Where is the brake? Where is the clutch? Where is the gear shift? Where is the steering wheel?

I don't know about you but in my early days of learning to drive, I had to figure out where these things were and where to put my feet and hands in order to drive the car.

It's no different with weight loss surgery. Eventually you don't even think about it. It all becomes second nature. It would be awful if you had to constantly think about your weight and the food you're putting in your body and always have a scale and measuring cups and spoons nearby. Most of us do not need that because we developed a shorthand where we know there are 30 grams of protein in this and 24 grams of protein in that and they had 2 quarts of water today so far, Etc

Obsessing about what you're eating is what you are doing NOW. Many of us think constantly about food, about running up to the corner store and getting some Twinkies, about getting in the car and hitting all the drive-throughs and eating our way across town, about all the snack foods we have hidden away that we only bring out when everyone else has gone to bed. Our thinking is polluted now. But later it will be logical and you will have more self-esteem and fewer desires to eat off your menu.

I mentioned ghrelin up top because for many people, the part of the stomach that manufactures the hormone is cut out during the surgery. So they don't have any over-activity where ghrelin is concerned.

I do not have cravings all day. I hardly ever have cravings. I know what is a good combination of foods to eat for breakfast and I know how many servings of meat or cheese or beans will get me closer to my protein goal.

Eating is not a conscious battle. It's not a battle at all. I was so grateful to find out what I couldn't eat after the surgery that I eagerly developed menus that focused on protein grams, but did not consider calories. I chose to limit my consumption of sugar fat and salt, but that was really easy.

No, you will not be thinking about what you're eating all day long. Like driving a car, it will become second nature to you. After all the overeating you did, the bingeing , the choices you made that resulted in obesity over time. I cannot stress over time. Everything happens over time, and you do not have to do anything to change the progress of an element or behavior.

Well, that last statement is kind of conditional. You have an eating disorder. What kind of eating disorder it is only you know. You will still have your eating disorder after surgery. For some of us it goes away so much because it is replaced by the joy of health that we don't even feel like we have an eating disorder anymore. But you may have to work on it a lot.

Try not to associate your eating disorder with your decision to have surgery. Believe it or not, worrying about how surgery might affect you is actually a prong in the fork of your eating disorder. It is self-sabotage. It's trying to ruin you. It wants to be in charge and it wants you to be fat.

Imagine the tranquility and serenity you will feel as you go outside for a walk or talk on the phone with a friend or meet someone in a restaurant for dinner, knowing that you will not do anything to sabotage yourself. Imagine how you will look in smaller clothes. Visualize your face as being able to show your cheekbones and chin line instead of just a puffed-up balloon of fat.

Remember, you are struggling now. If you continue to struggle after the surgery, that would mean nothing had changed. But believe it or not, your struggle will be small to non-existent after surgery.

 

[mmitti]

Badgy, I'm 5 months out from sleeve surgery. I am facing all the things you mentioned about the "daily fight." I am being honest. I tend to overeat and have had some binges. I am really struggling. That said, I have lost 70 pounds and it's made a huge improvement to my life.

I feel like everyone else is losing and I've been on a plateau for the past 2 months.

I struggle through each day, tracking everything I eat. I have been doing water walking at the pool and getting my body back.

In some ways my life process is the same as it was before my surgery. I still would not trade having the surgery. My body still wants to lose weight easily if I let it. That would not have happened if I had not had the surgery. I have not given up. I try to get through each day healthy, and there are days when I do.

I knew it would be a lifetime journey and it is. I do have a therapist and work with her on that. Most of all, I remain hopeful about the future.

My thoughts to you are that you can handle the daily fight after surgery. It's a journey. I know I can do it and I know you can do it. Don't give up on the process.

 

[Badgy]

Thank you all. There are quite some contradictions in these replies. I am going to assume then that each person has their own individual experience with the surgery and I won't know unless I go for it.

I'm on the fence. The psych appt scared me into thinking they won't let this happen. I've been down too many roads where I'm dealt disappointment. It seems easier to psych myself out of surgery than have them take it away from me.

My answers were wishy-washy. I couldn't explain why I wanted the surgery without saying the truth... That I'm too undisciplined to stick with a diet and too lazy to exercise. There I said it. I said the quiet part out loud.

And isn't that the story of most of us? Isn't that why no diets work? Why only a small percent exercise? Because we cannot overcome by ourselves?

I think it is. Then why are they making that a mandate of surgery? They want us to prove we can lose weight. I lost weight. I gained some back. Did they think I would suddenly change my ways? If so, why the surgery? I mean if they can get people to lose weight and exercise and not gain it back, why even have the surgery?

A person just posted in my local group that they are in their seventh year post surgery and have gained back all the weight plus some. Gulp.

Now I'm all confused (⊙_◎)

 

[3momchaos]

Diets are not sustainable. I don’t know anyone who has been on a diet, lost the weight, and stayed on the diet. They might have traded in some of their old eating habits, but they didn’t stick to the diet. My endocrinologist tells me it’s 80% what I eat and 20% exercise. I’m in too much pain to exercise daily. When I do exercise I cause myself more pain. It’s a vicious cycle. But there are some things I enjoy doing. I think it’s all in finding something you’ll enjoy, or don’t consider work. I did Zumba for a bit, now I just follow along with YouTube Zumba workouts when my joints are up for it. But there are so many different exercises out there, and you don’t have to pick just one kind. I’m the queen of procrastination, so sticking to and actually doing an exercise is difficult for me. I can give you a million excuses why I didn’t exercise this week, but none of them are valid. I’m just cheating myself. But I know that about me. I don’t shy away from that either. First step is being honest with myself. Why am I pursuing WLS? Why do I want to live with the regimen that WLS entails? Can I promise myself to find help if I backslide? I know all my answers. They aren’t easy, but they are how I am justifying this monumentally awesome change to better my whole well being. Explore yourself a little, try to answer your hardest questions. This isn’t an easy process in the beginning, but from what I’ve gained from members who’ve been at this a while is that it’s not hard forever. No matter your decision, you should feel proud of what you’ve put into this.

 

[dianeseattle]

Badgy said:

My answers were wishy-washy. I couldn't explain why I wanted the surgery without saying the truth... That I'm too undisciplined to stick with a diet and too lazy to exercise. There I said it. I said the quiet part out loud.

Now I'm all confused (⊙_◎)
=======/==========/==========

You know Badgy, I have so enjoyed having you in this group. You are a straight shooter and have a slightly skewed view of Life which I share, and I get a kick out of you. I also feel ya when you say something serious.

I hope you trust me enough to read the words I'm saying and take them to heart. You know what that little passage I snipped above is? That is your eating disorder talking. No regular human being of normal height and weight proportionally ever says I'm too lazy to exercise and too undisciplined to stay on a diet. These people just go about their lives. They don't have a sabotaging voice completely obsessing and occupying their positive thoughts. They just think about other things besides food and weight and comorbidities and other health problems and depression.

Now mind you I'm not saying that skinny people are not depressed. I'm just saying that most regular don't talk to themselves like that. Your battle is not with food; it's with that awful demon that has control of your body.

Listen to everything you say. Be willing to argue with yourself. Be able to admit that you don't know everything. Allow for the fact that something is wrong in your brain. Remember whatever trauma might exist from your Early Childhood, or more. get to the point where you can understand that that voice is not your voice. It is The Voice or voices of a lot of people who had influence over you before you could protect yourself from them. You weren't born fat. What happened to your body was a conglomeration of many things, and most likely the most guilty culprit is your environment.

All of these things are conspiring to make you fail. They don't want you to succeed. They are attached to a gremlin in your brain that invited them in and is protecting them so they don't get pushed out.

I hope I'm being more instructional than goofy. I'm really trying to say something to you but, girl, it is so freaking hot my skin is on fire. I don't have any air circulation in my apartment and it's a hot day in Seattle. I just burned a pot full of beans that I had been getting ready for two days soaking the beans, then cooking them and using a very high-quality bacon to season them but for some reason I am off my game.

So sorry, tangent over. My point about your eating disorder is that if you take those words and direct them at some person nearby that you care about, like a child, or really good parents, or your best friend, you would never say them out loud or condemn anybody to that failure. Why do you say to yourself?

Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side of the line write sunrise "I am beautiful." Then listen to the voice in your brain before you write across from it in the right column. Your brain is probably saying something like "No you're not," or even "You're ugly."

That technique is basically the Foundation of the book that I always recommend called The Only Diet There Is. the text of this book is online in several places, so you don't even have to buy it and you can read it 5 seconds after you finish reading this.

The only diet there is by Sondra Ray | Open Library

The only diet there is by Sondra Ray, 1981, Celestial Arts edition, Paperback in English

openlibrary.org

I am I am so hot I really just can't do a good job with this response but let me also suggest you that you flip the script. Imagine your life as it is with all the things you think are problems but instead consider them gifts. Imagine being thin and not in danger of diabetes or heart disease and make that a bad outcome. Imagine it all the way from now until death.

I say flip the script because if you don't have the surgery, this is the way your life is going to be. All that good health and send this and energy and beautiful clothes and whatever are going to be a distant memory you never accomplished. And your life with all of its problems right now and how you feel about yourself is going to be how you live your life for the rest of your life.

And don't forget this very important fact. There is a percentage of population in the United States 2 will never ever be able to lose weight without the assistance of bariatric surgery. Bariatric surgery exists for a reason. It helps people who cannot be helped in any other way. I am very comfortable with that. After so many years of gaining and losing and gaining and losing, I have been super happy and comfortable since I had the surgery, almost 13 years ago. It's actually the first time I have ever been able to appreciate my body, because I know what the other side looks like.

 

[gzar]

. I couldn't explain why I wanted the surgery without saying the truth... That I'm too undisciplined to stick with a diet and too lazy to exercise. There I said it. I said the quiet part out loud.

Hey ummmm, you just described most of us; if not all of us. This is precisely why our doctor & insurance company agreed weight loss surgery was medically necessary. If we did have the discipline to stick with a long term diet and exercise regularly, we wouldn't have gotten dangeriously obiese. So don't beat yourself up about it.

For me, only 8 months post-surgery and still very new at this, yes. Yes, I still every day, am concious about what I put into my mouth; I don't think weight loss is possible without that mindful consideration. Because I absolutely have the capacity to dip oreos into milk relentlessly until the whole sleeve is gone. I still can throw down a 28oz milkshake until my straw is making gurgling sounds. And I can probably go through a dozen "mini" snickers candy bars between commercial breaks.

However...weight loss surgery has given me a very powerful tool to HELP prevent things like that from happening. Instead of having a bottomless pit of rampaging hunger, I can now fill up on a shockingly small amount of food. And that food can be exceptionally healthy...and when I'm full - my cravings are gone with it.

It is the most amazing thing, ever. A few days ago I was visiting my sister out of state; she was making taco's for diner and I had a bad case of the starvin-marvins; the smell of the taco meat was almost maddening and I had let myself go hungry too long. She used the little 4" street taco tortillas; everybody was making 3 or 4 at a time on their plate. I forced myself to start with one - I felt like a child and even took a couple jokes directed my way in good humor. And it finished me, hard. One taco. I had no room for chips & dip, or any of the sliced watermellon & canteloupe.

True story. It repeats in my life every day. Weight loss surgery absolutely reduced the amount of food required to fill me up, and satisfy my brain cravings & hunger. It can do the same for you, but you will still have to exercise discipline in both eating habits and choices. It makes the discipline easier to maintain.

And later on, after you've lost a bit of weight and are starting to feel much better about yourself - you'll probably start feeling more energy and maybe even "want" to start exercising.

 

[Taxman]

Diets work for the short term. They can give you a start on a new path. They are NOT a long term solution to obesety. We all have been on a diet, saying that this time is different. We lose a few pounds, walk a little further than normal and then something happens and we stop and add all the lost weight and then some. The surgery allows me (and others, I'm sure) a running start on the process. With the start and the smaller stomach, the eating habits must change, and I decided to make it a change for the better. I track my food, but it's because I don't know all the protein levels and calories of my foods. At some point, I hope that I won't need to track it, but it's okay for me.
We're all different but have the same goal, getting healthier. Stick to the plan and the success will follow.

 

[eladams2015]

People tell me this surgery is a lifelong change. That it is a daily fight.

Is it? Do you spend every single day worrying about what you are going to eat 3-6 times a day? Counting calories? Arguing with yourself to exercise? Feeling down and out when you drop the ball?

Because that is what I call a diet. That is why I opted for surgery. Because I cannot live everyday worrying about food and how it makes me feel.

If you've all been trying to say that this surgery is like a diet on steroids, then no thank you. I can do that to myself with an actual diet and not cut apart my digestive tract.

I'm really confused. People eat too much so they have this surgery to limit that. But what I'm hearing is that the surgery doesn't work that way. That we have to actually continue to limit what we eat. Is this correct?

Because that doesn't warrant a lifetime of heartburn or dumping syndrome or vitamin deficiencies or complications.

I'm so confused at what is being said to me. What exactly is this surgery?

There could be a period of time where it can feel this way as you learn to adjust to the new tool you have, but you don't think about it 24/7 for the rest of your life. I rarely think about food unless I am heading into a situation where I know that I am not likely to have options, and then I toss a protein bar in my bag, just in case. For me, the benefits definitely outweigh any downsides. I would not be where I am without the surgery.