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Limericks

Discussion in 'Hobbies & Interests' started by Dcepello, Mar 1, 2013.

  1. Pat99

    Pat99 Member

    Messages:
    3,426
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Surgery Type:
    RNY
    Surgery Date:
    February 27, 2012
    Start Weight:
    356
    Current Weight:
    245
    Goal Weight:
    145
    There she is exactly on CUE
    Who has nothing of interest to do
    Quote, copy and paste, man what a waste
    Of a brain that’s turning to paste
    My oh my what to do?
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2013
  2. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    She had a man she never could trust that is
    she don't believe he would ever pop the quiz
    He lies and boasts such.
    and cheats so much.
    I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his
     
  3. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    I picked up cards and made a wish
    Playing against a girl who was a dish
    I made my desires known
    but my game was blown
    She looked at me and said, "Go Fish"
     
  4. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    There was an old man from Lake Superior
    who used craigslist to chase women's posterior
    You have to pay good money
    to get any worth while honey
    Anything costing less would just be inferior
     
  5. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Dear Abby,

    A couple women moved in across the maze
    They go everywhere together always
    One is a gym teacher
    the other a social worker
    Do you think they could be Lebanese?
     
  6. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    They say that gossip is a sin for three
    The speaker hearer and the victimee
    I can not tell a lie
    If there is some thigh
    Gossip is the most fun you can have for free
     
  7. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Let's drink to Tennessee
    way out by hickory tree
    Where a woman's ass
    and a whiskey glass
    Made a horse's ass of me
     
  8. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Outside this little South Carolina tavern
    Pot holes and mud puddles big as a cavern
    The bar keep heard us cluck
    "Why don't you go and suck 'em up,"
    She said, because she was southeastern
     
  9. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    There was a chap from Des Moines
    A gigolo in it for the coins
    A Jane gave him a hither
    In which he did not dither
    It was time to girth his loins
     
  10. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Dirty old man Dingus McGee
    has been drinking since he was three
    He has chopped
    His drinking stopped
    ever since he's been unable to pee
     
  11. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    His new hat It thought was benito
    He went downtown for a burrito
    Homies stared him down
    because he wasn't brown
    Chasing him yelling "Aye, pendejo chevato"
     
  12. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    It could be a crab named Freddy
    Or Alfredo the shrimp standing steady
    The crab pot is simmering
    the lemon butter glistening
    and the garlic noodles are ready
     
  13. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Whores for a thousand, Alex

    Brittany and Bordeaux two penny whores
    Beat up the English with Viking oars
    cod pieces it tatters
    is what matters
    What caused the hundred year wars?
     
  14. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Down the 101 wind in her hair
    blowing her horn in a blare
    On dead man's curve
    she began to swerve
    Drive like hell you'll get there
     
  15. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    yard sale

    The Traveler kids run you in circles
    Grabbing this and that, it boggles
    While the old Pikey dad
    knows you've been had
    He loads up the RV with your testicles
     
  16. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    She was a small town waitress
    Ham and eggs and buxom-ness
    I got her number
    and we did slumber
    I fell in love but for her it was strictly business
     
  17. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Black eyes and a a strong Shaddup!
    Makes you want to lie down titsup
    The nose may be broken
    and the teeth outspoken
    What happens when you beat yourself up
     
  18. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    compulsion

    If I could only open my blue vein
    and insert mainline Twinkie train
    Blood sugar short circuit
    in my metabolic mess kit
    I go cold turkey and mayo that remain
     
  19. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    For Candy smiling all the time was a crime
    Twas not worth the effort to make the mime
    so she had a window installed
    and thought about going bald
    And her dental visits take half the time
    lip-plate-piercing-2.jpg
     
  20. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    well worth it

    she has a mink stole and spike heel
    she has a Mercedes car that can peal
    when it comes to giving
    hummers for living
    she certainly knows how to seal the deal