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Limericks

Discussion in 'Hobbies & Interests' started by Dcepello, Mar 1, 2013.

  1. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    When you're pushing rope sub par
    Little blue pills will get only so far
    You ain't cutting the mustard
    and your getting flustered
    Just remember to lick the jar
     
  2. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Surgery Date:
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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
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    The emerald island of Gaelic he began
    escaping the great famine was his plan
    The wandering Irishman
    ended up without a woman
    Then somehow he ended up as Mexican

    Family reunions we sat around like comedians
    Pink and round, others dark an tan like Indians
    blue and black eyes tweak
    some a warrior's beak
    Keeping us together, we were all Dominicans

    I love my black and tan relative Mexican
    White, pink, black or tan we are all American
    From an Ezmeralda Isle
    to the new world we did pile
    Our dear old sire's name was Mac Moran
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2013
  3. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    A cougar can't live on belt buckles
    and boot leather the big cat chuckles
    If your dinning on Texan
    and you end up starve'n
    You're scaring the crap out when you tackles
     
  4. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    I know what "L" means
    It's not in her genes
    Tattooed and shaved headed
    white T shirt and loose breasted
    She just got busted from the Marines
     
  5. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    The trouble with honey goo
    at Christopher Robin's zoo
    If you feed them
    they will come, ehm
    And you end up with plenty of poo
     
  6. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Reaching the limits of natural selection
    The new order strives for perfection
    Huxley and Clarke
    saw the coming lark
    Babes in space a new evolution
     
  7. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    You might on the whole disapproved
    But her life was certainly improved
    Half of her life savings
    for divorce court filings
    To have 250 pounds of ugly fat removed
     
  8. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    After Easter green grass and sun dresses
    Bare shoulders inspire the lady's tresses
    A young man's fancy
    is often chancy
    There on the grass where his manhood presses
     
  9. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Surgery Date:
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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
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    Mistress Moon

    Mistress moon has me at heel
    Scratching behind my ear with zeal
    The legs start to jump
    She hits me on the rump
    Horne doggie the way she makes me feel
     
  10. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    We wore a horse suite made in Seoul
    She was the front, I was the south pole
    She wanted to change stride
    I must have hurt her pride
    She said to me, Go ahead be an arshole
     
  11. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Twelve pussyfooted steps for affliction
    A crutch to escape daily friction
    A dope of a cat
    hooked on scat
    This cat needs to work on her helium addiction
    a.aaa-funny-cat-fly-no-legs.jpg
     
  12. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    My frustration gets the best of me
    Mercy mercy is my hunched back's plea
    I admit my faults
    with minimal results
    But under my skin, this is my repartee
     
  13. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    It's not about the size of your boat
    or the one that got away, the old men gloat
    What come around
    goes around
    What happens when you fish in a moat
     
  14. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    She was a recent convert to religion
    The novice was filled with elation
    She didn't know how
    because she took no vow
    Her boy friend said, "She was Jewish by injection."
     
  15. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Twinkies and roaches will out live us all
    Through extinction and nuclear down fall
    Rubbed on the skin
    this mighty quin
    will protect you from an asteroid foul ball
     
  16. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
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    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Lillie Langtry sang like a little bird
    Judge Roy Bean liked what he heard
    Law west of the Pacos
    had unrequited pathos
    stretching the necks of those interred
     
  17. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
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    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    May your stuffing be tasty and your turkey cause sighs
    May your yams be delicious and your pie take the prize
    May your potatoes have nary a lump
    May your puddings stay plump
    May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!
     
  18. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Some space junk just sniffing around
    57 dogs from the Soviet dog pound
    Laika, was my favorite
    canine orbital satellite
    Fetching what goes up must come to ground
     
  19. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Texas City,

    There is a place in Texas they call hell
    Where the petrochemicals expel
    noxious vapors unmatched
    Cats have literally scratched
    themselves to death trying to cover the smell
     
  20. Dcepello

    Dcepello Member

    Messages:
    1,136
    Trophy Points:
    22
    Surgery Type:
    Sleeve
    Surgery Date:
    Jan 24, 2013
    Start Weight:
    288
    Current Weight:
    209
    Goal Weight:
    170
    Young people pick no bones
    They don't like old folk homes
    They say if you want to see
    old people themselves pee
    They will go see the Rolling Stones