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My family doesn't know I'm having surgery!

Laurieann

Laurieann

Member
Hey Guys!

I went to a meeting last week at my center and a couple was there that is one-year out and they look fantastic! They admitted that they did not tell their children until after their sugery was over (they had R&Y surgery two weeks apart.) We all applauded and laughed because there are so many of us scared to tell our family. Now of course, my husband and my 15-year-old son are my biggest supporters, and my sister and brother will be at the hospital with me, but my parents, aunts, cousins, church members, and everyone else I come into contact with does not know that I am having surgery in just 4 weeks. I feel really guilty about this but I KNOW for a fact that my Mama will start harping about Al Roker and how he nearly died, and I just can't bear any negativity when I am working so hard to change my life. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How did you handle your family and the decisions to either tell them or not? I have my living will and will in order, in the event of something tragic happening and I feel just fine about that, but it's really bothering to be lying to them.

Thanks so much,
Laurie Ann
 
Don't feel guilty honey... it's a personal decision, and something that I've found that even those who you are close to and love have mixed emotions and reactions to that you may not be prepared for. You need all the support and positive energy right now, and none of the nay-sayers or those who just don't understand or are un-educated and small minded with unproductive and unsupportive comments that they should keep to themselves. You need to know this is the right decision for yourself, and I am proud of you!
 
Tell them you need all the support you can get. It is major surgery and as in any surgery there are risks but the process has advanced greatly since Al Roker had his done many years ago. It is routinely done nowadays but none the less it is a surgery. There is strength in numbers and the larger the cheering squad the more pumped up you get to get it done and achieve your goals just remember that ultimately success will depend on you and your endurance and perseverence. I wish you the best and God be with you and your surgeon
 
To Tell or Not to Tell, that is the question. It really comes down to you, you say you can't handle any negativity and the more people you tell, the more likely that you'll run into it. For me, I told everyone, didn't bother me a bit and surprisingly, I didn't run into any negative nellies. Lots of support, it really helped. I have heard, since the surgery, that I took the easy way out. I disabuse them of that notion in a hurry, this is not an easy journey, but one with a lot of great rewards. Good luck with your surgery and keep us up to date.

Frank


:cool:
 
I have not told many people, because even friends have ther friends who they will tell and soon it's all over the place. So my husband my childern who are 36 & 33 they know. I am not lying I am not telling them because this is my personial business. Most of my friends respect me as I do them and know I am a very private person and I will tell them if I want them to know. If they ask and say that it's private they want ask anything more.
 
I told who I wanted and still heard some neg as i have told you......my dad is more frightened of the actual surgery than post op, my mom is as excited as i am, but she is battling cancer so no one in my world is as strong as her.....my sister even quit smoking with me.....as far as not telling i would say it is not lying......i debated on telling anyone also, but i am so excited i could not keep it in!!! but you did ask....so i am going to tell you.....i could never not tell my parents.....as far as my church group goes, if they ask my secret i will let them in, but i know one lady that all she ever said is that she had a "lifestyle change" and she only ever told me she had the surgery and not one person ever called her a liar........hope you are well!
 
AngeeBaby, you are right, not telling someone that you're having WLS is not lying. If someone asks you directly "Are you having WLS?" and you say no, then you'd be lying. Somehow I don't think God will take that one too seriously, He knows what's in your heart. As for telling your parents, again it comes down to your ability or desire to deal with someone who loves you objecting to what you are trying to do.

Laurieann, you've made the best decision for yourself. Try not to feel guilty about it. I believe that once the weight starts coming off, your family will be 100% behind you.

:cool:
 
Hello Laurieann! We have the same name! Hang in there and do what's best for you. I told my immediate family and my husband's immediate family, two co-workers, and my best friend before I had surgery. I've added a couple of other friends since I've had surgery, but other than that, I didn't think my personal health and wellness was really anyone's business but mine and my family! I've met many people who think that surgery is an easy way out, and even before I decided to have surgery, I would correct those with this attitude. You can't just have surgery and go back to the way you were before. You still have to watch what you eat and exercise. It's a life style. No one has asked me about my weight loss yet....I've lost 52 pounds so far so eventually someone will. I'm simply planning to tell them that I'm working on a weight loss plan with my doctor that's high protein, high fiber, low sugar, low calorie, drinking lots of water, and I'm working out 5 days per week. All of which are true, but again, I don't feel like I owe any other explanation. Down the road I may change my mind and share with everyone, but right now, this journey is about me and my health! Good luck to you!
 
In a way I guess you might say you are giving them a surprize. It's no wrong or right it's what you want that counts. I did not tell my family other then my daughter & one son. The rest well they know now. Good luck and so you know I am happy I had my surgery.
Hugs,
Angie
 
Telling parents

I would tell my parents they have always had my back. My mother passed away in 2004. And father is 90years old with a lot of health problems of his own, so I am not telling him,so he won't worry about me. I feel each person should do what they want to.
 
Hi Laurieann,

Even if a direct question is asked you can always say "I'd rather not discuss that", "why do you want to know" or I'd rather not say". That way you are not lying. Don't feel guilty about a personal decision. That is another way to handle it by saying "that is too personal to talk about". Besides, it really is none of their business. It is personal!
 
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