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New here, pre-op, trans

Yeledov

Yeledov

Member
Hi,
I’m new to the forum. I’m a middle aged, white, trans man. (Pronouns: he/him) Like a lot of people, I’ve been struggling with my weight for my whole life. I developed an eating disorder as a teen which turned into binge eating as an adult. It wasn’t until I hit my 40’s that it started to seriously effect my health. It started with pre-diabetes, then hypertension a year later. When I was diagnosed with autoimmune inflammatory poly-arthritis I knew it was past time for drastic measures.

I’ve gotten a handle on my binge eating disorder and am working with a therapist to deal with emotional eating. I’ve been through all the classes, the tests, and physical exams. Now I’m literally just waiting for my turn on the waiting list to schedule my surgery.

That’s my introduction! I hope everyone doing well and has a great weekend.
 
Welcome to the group Yeledov! That is good that you are working with a therapist on emotional eating as I truly feel the surgery is only part of the equation. I hope you get your surgery date soon. Until then, there is lots of great information here. Peruse the old posts and feel free to ask questions.
 
3momchaos said:
Welcome! Happy you’re here. Which surgery are you going for? It’s great you’re getting help for the mental aspect of weight loss. It’s still a struggle after surgery for a lot off people, me included.
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I’m getting Roux-en-Y gastric bypass. My insurance only covers that and the sleeve and I’m too heavy to get enough benefits from the sleeve.
I’m doing my best to be as prepared as possible for my life after surgery. I know my disordered eating urges will always be stuck in my brain, so I expect it to be a struggle for the rest of my life. I consider it this way, my behaviors developed over 40+ years so I can’t expect to just drop those patterns quickly. Maybe if I make it passed 80 while sticking to healthy eating habits it will be easy by then! Meanwhile, I just keep reminding myself of the reasons I’m doing this.
 
Yeledov said:
Hi,
I’m new to the forum. I’m a middle aged, white, trans man. (Pronouns: he/him) Like a lot of people, I’ve been struggling with my weight for my whole life. I developed an eating disorder as a teen which turned into binge eating as an adult. It wasn’t until I hit my 40’s that it started to seriously effect my health. It started with pre-diabetes, then hypertension a year later. When I was diagnosed with autoimmune inflammatory poly-arthritis I knew it was past time for drastic measures.

I’ve gotten a handle on my binge eating disorder and am working with a therapist to deal with emotional eating. I’ve been through all the classes, the tests, and physical exams. Now I’m literally just waiting for my turn on the waiting list to schedule my surgery.

That’s my introduction! I hope everyone doing well and has a great weekend.
Click to expand...
Welcome, what did you do to help with binge eating?
 
Bob said:
Welcome, what did you do to help with binge eating?
Click to expand...
A LOT of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, like 3 years focused on just that. I started sneak eating when I was put on my first diet by my mom at 5 yrs old so there was a lot of ingrained habits to adjust.
I have to say, I couldn’t have done it without the support of my amazing spouse and the limited, but very impactful experiences with my father-in-law. My spouse’s dad had binged since very young as well. He was an incredibly kind, funny, and caring man. By the time I met him he had just gotten gastric bypass because, after a few heart attacks and uncontrolled diabetes, his doctor feared he wouldn’t survive much longer. He got the surgery but never addressed his binge eating with therapy or even just talking about it in general. The weight loss from the first year of surgery gave us a few extra years with him but, ultimately, he started gaining weight again. He passed of a heart attack in 2005.

About 3 months later, I sat down with my spouse and told him every bit of sneak and binge eating I could remember. I showed him how and where I hid the evidence of my binges. I even explained how I would buy the food on a separate credit card so he wouldn’t see all the extra money I spent on food. (Which was a problem of its own as we had both returned to college at the time and had very little to spare.) It took 3 full days to tell him everything. His response was of complete acceptance and understanding. The first thing he said to me after all that was “I’m so sorry you were going through this alone and how can I best support you.” (Just another reason we’ve been together for 21 years.)

This turned out to be very long answer to your question! I’m sorry if it was more than you wanted to hear. It is, however, both my motivation and method of stopping my binge eating. I still struggle with eating out of boredom or mindlessly eating and I’m working with a hypnotherapist right now for that. I’m also very upfront with all my health care providers about my binge eating history so that they can be supportive of my goals as well. I did also try taking Topiramate for about a year, which is used off-label) by some doctors to support binge eating recovery. I must say I don’t think it did anything for me but I’m glad I tried it anyway.

I wish you the best in your own recovery
 
It sounds like you have a wonderful support system and great grasp on your triggers and habits. It’s awesome to be so aware of struggles before diving in. While I am aware of some of my triggers, tendencies, and stressors, I still find a lot of difficulty in the moment to realize that’s what’s going on. I do try to take a step back on my hard days to analyze what’s going on around me.
 
3momchaos said:
It sounds like you have a wonderful support system and great grasp on your triggers and habits. It’s awesome to be so aware of struggles before diving in. While I am aware of some of my triggers, tendencies, and stressors, I still find a lot of difficulty in the moment to realize that’s what’s going on. I do try to take a step back on my hard days to analyze what’s going on around me.
Click to expand...
Oh those hard days! I still struggle even with a good grasp of what I’m working with. The whole “knowing is half the battle” from the old GI Joe cartoon is a bunch of poop. Both my experience and the latest behavioral science backs me up on that. This past week has been an object lesson for me on that. My spouse and I lost 2 old friends unexpectedly in the last week. My skills in dealing with my behaviors took a nosedive. I’m doing the same thing today, stepping back, re-centering and noticing where I’m at emotionally, and where I want to be.
My best to you.
 
Yeledov said:
Oh those hard days! I still struggle even with a good grasp of what I’m working with. The whole “knowing is half the battle” from the old GI Joe cartoon is a bunch of poop. Both my experience and the latest behavioral science backs me up on that. This past week has been an object lesson for me on that. My spouse and I lost 2 old friends unexpectedly in the last week. My skills in dealing with my behaviors took a nosedive. I’m doing the same thing today, stepping back, re-centering and noticing where I’m at emotionally, and where I want to be.
My best to you.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry to hear about your losses. It can be such a challenge to step back and be an outsider in our lives looking in to figure out what’s happening the way it is, why we’re thinking certain ways, and how we can only do so much. The part where we can only do so much is probably the hardest part for me. I’ve really let go of a lot of controlling, almost obsessive, behaviors over the past 10 years. Most of letting go has come from having kids and realizing that chaos is sometimes the only solution LOL
 
Yeledov said:
A LOT of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, like 3 years focused on just that. I started sneak eating when I was put on my first diet by my mom at 5 yrs old so there was a lot of ingrained habits to adjust.
I have to say, I couldn’t have done it without the support of my amazing spouse and the limited, but very impactful experiences with my father-in-law. My spouse’s dad had binged since very young as well. He was an incredibly kind, funny, and caring man. By the time I met him he had just gotten gastric bypass because, after a few heart attacks and uncontrolled diabetes, his doctor feared he wouldn’t survive much longer. He got the surgery but never addressed his binge eating with therapy or even just talking about it in general. The weight loss from the first year of surgery gave us a few extra years with him but, ultimately, he started gaining weight again. He passed of a heart attack in 2005.

About 3 months later, I sat down with my spouse and told him every bit of sneak and binge eating I could remember. I showed him how and where I hid the evidence of my binges. I even explained how I would buy the food on a separate credit card so he wouldn’t see all the extra money I spent on food. (Which was a problem of its own as we had both returned to college at the time and had very little to spare.) It took 3 full days to tell him everything. His response was of complete acceptance and understanding. The first thing he said to me after all that was “I’m so sorry you were going through this alone and how can I best support you.” (Just another reason we’ve been together for 21 years.)

This turned out to be very long answer to your question! I’m sorry if it was more than you wanted to hear. It is, however, both my motivation and method of stopping my binge eating. I still struggle with eating out of boredom or mindlessly eating and I’m working with a hypnotherapist right now for that. I’m also very upfront with all my health care providers about my binge eating history so that they can be supportive of my goals as well. I did also try taking Topiramate for about a year, which is used off-label) by some doctors to support binge eating recovery. I must say I don’t think it did anything for me but I’m glad I tried it anyway.

I wish you the best in your own recovery
Click to expand...

If your still doing therapy or looking at benefits of it may I suggest looking into EMDR as you might find it beneficial to knock out any residual childhood trauma factors related to the eating and how it was handled in your family.
 
Tokash said:
If your still doing therapy or looking at benefits of it may I suggest looking into EMDR as you might find it beneficial to knock out any residual childhood trauma factors related to the eating and how it was handled in your family.
Click to expand...
I don’t know much about EMDR though I have heard of it and that it is common in trauma work and PTSD. I think I didn’t look much into it because, until this past year, I had a kind of invisible box in my head for all my trauma. I would insist there was very little, if any, trauma in my childhood. Lately, I’ve been more able to see that I had a very traumatic childhood and young adulthood. Anyway, thank you for mentioning it. I will look into it with my new perspective.
 
I really want to try it, but try finding a practitioner in seattle.i was only able to find two: one far across lake Washington, and one near by who doesn't take my insurance. One counselor tried to guide me over the phone but the patient and guide need to be in the same room.
 
It can be done virtually but the clinician needs to be trained in that method. Which until Covid wasn't really happening. It can do amazing things for trauma.
 
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