I remember having massive anxiety about "never being able to eat normally again." But normal was NOT how I was eating. It was my version of normal. It took time and affirmative messages from many resources (books, mags, tv, websites) for me to start paying attention to ME instead of my eating disorder and need to binge.
There's one thing I did that really helped when I was going through the soft to solid food stages. Using a bite of refried beans as an example, I'd put the food in my mouth and then close it and let it begin to melt over my tongue and cheeks and teeth. I didn't chew a bit. I allowed the various taste responses, like salivation and involuntary swallowing, to dissolve the beans into my esophagus. In this way I got a tremendous hit of flavor, over and over, and multiple sensations of swallowing, as if I'd taken a bunch of bites instead of just one.
Within 2 years post-op, I was eating anything I wanted. I had problems with things that were too sugary or fatty, which made me feel nauseous or caused minor episodes of diarrhea. No one would ever guess I'd had the surgery, and I only told my son and best friend. Quickly I began to respond positively to the fact that people were noticing I looked so healthy. And I scoured my desires and found I was aching to hike mountains and go camping for days in our beautiful wilderness areas.
I really think it's just a neurotic message we tell ourselves, and self-destructive as well, that we will never eat normal food again. I'm 16 years out and as I say often, I eat anything I want. Remember that your brain is screwy when it comes to food, Model yourself on someone you know who eats well and looks great without being chained to a treadmill or constantly going on and off diets.
And RE--LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX. Getting nervous or worried or panicked is a trap and a symptom of the mental illness of compulsive overeating, bingeing, destructive behaviors. It's not necessarily WHAT you eat that contributes to obesity. It's HOW you eat. choose five favorite things you think you won't be able to eat. In my case, the thing I'd die if I couldn't eat was a hot fudge sundae. But I took that image of the hot fudge sundae, cut the portion size in half and used measuring spoons and scales to make sure I was in the normal range, and then I gave myself permission to eat it. So I could fantasize about it until I got to the point where I could actually eat it, which nuked my anxiety completely.
If you scoff at the idea of saying affirmations, look at it this way. Your dysfunctional brain sends negative messages every few seconds to your consciousness, and you let them in, allow them to be part of your self-punishing behavior. Instead, when a negative message appears, send an affirmation to your subconscious, repeating it until the negative message fades away. It really does work. But you're fighting with self-abuse, which you've allowed to habituate for much longer, so it takes a real effort.
But one of your rewards is that you get to eat anything you want to eat. Really.
