Supporting my wife through a "stall"

[D_____]

Hi. My wife had gastric sleeve surgery about a month ago. She lost a good chunk of weight before the surgery while on the pre-op diet, then a somewhat smaller amount immediately after surgery. But for the past two or three weeks, her weight has been basically unchanged.

She knows that this sort of thing happens and is supposedly normal, but it's still incredibly scary and discouraging. At this point she's still struggling to eat any significant amount of food — she feels sick and tired all the time, gets pain every time she eats, and is probably averaging about 700 calories per day. Neither of us understand how the human body can maintain a stable weight while she's basically starving herself. She's in a state of despair, and I feel so helpless because I don't know what to say or do. All I can tell her is to "stay the course", but that's what everyone tells her and it just seems like the definition of insanity — doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Any advice?

 

[dianeseattle]

Neither of us understand how the human body can maintain a stable weight while she's basically starving herself. She's in a state of despair, and I feel so helpless because I don't know what to say or do.

Your wife should eat more. She's experiencing a biological phenomenon called "starvation response."

She should determine her daily food intake and then eat it all in several small amounts. She can eat just a tablespoon at a time, then rest and slowly sip half-a-glass of water while breathing very steadily, in and out. As long as her body thinks it's getting food on a regular schedule, it won't kick into starvation response in order to hold on to calories.

We all go through something like this, and trying to lose weight by starving yourself will kick your body's protective system into overdrive. You can even gain weight in extreme cases.

She wants her metabolism to settle down and allow her to feel good without feeling full or starving. The only way to do this is to calm down and allow her body to have a healthy relationship with food. She's been through a lot, and now it's time to really settle down into healthy routine.

 

[Roni]

It is really hard to determine when you are full right after surgery. Like Diane mentioned tablespoon at a time spacing between water( don’t forget the timer) is truely the best way to start after surgery, especially when you build up through the phases (clear liquid, full liquid, soft foods…..)adjusting your body to these changes is traumatic. We are not cheating we are learning a new approach to eating. Especially when you can barely eat 1/2 cup of food at a time without making yourself sick. Stuff you ate before surgery will not always be the same after surgery. Learn what works best as you go. I think you coming here to support your wife is awesome. There is a lot of information on this site check it out ask questions share the good and know you will not be judged. That is what I like best here.

 

[missyinacage]

While Diane is right regarding the reason for the stall, your wife may not be able to eat more at this time. As long as she continues eating, her body will get the hint that more food can be expected regularly and will get back on track. We have all experienced the dreaded stall. I didn't add any extra food and my weight loss started right back up after a few weeks. I believe it was about 3 weeks.

 

[D_____]

Thanks for your support, everyone. I would like to collect personal accounts of what it was like to go through this kind of struggle and still succeed. I think it might help her to read them. Maybe I can find some on this forum.

A question about the tablespoon-at-a-time method. How does that square with needing to wait 30 minutes to drink water after eating? Right now it seems like there is not time to drink enough water and eat enough food, because eating as slowly as she needs to would leave insufficient time to drink water.

 

[KathyLev]

I was told to celebrate "non scale" accomplishments. Like clothes getting looser , sweating less , waking farther, lower blood pressure. It works. When I'd get mad at the scale for not moving - I put that scale away and changed my focus for awhile.

 

[missyinacage]

A question about the tablespoon-at-a-time method. How does that square with needing to wait 30 minutes to drink water after eating? Right now it seems like there is not time to drink enough water and eat enough food, because eating as slowly as she needs to would leave insufficient time to drink water.

That is the question of the ages lol There is literally no way to get in the recommended amount of protein and water in the beginning without eating or drinking the entire time you're awake. I decided "If its liquid food, its drinking" so I could stay steady and only quit "drinking" 30 minutes before dinner, which was my only real meal for several months. It just takes some time. Longer than you'd hope but not long at all in the grand scheme.