I take 10 mg of melatonin plus 1 Unisom (generic), plus one zolpidem tartrate if needed. Sometimes I take a 2nd Unisom if I'm not asleep after an hour, but only on nights when I haven't taken the z.t.
I don't drink or take any recreational drugs, including marijuana. I do take 2 mg clonazepam if i have a panic attack during the day. I have severe anxiety disorder and a crazy racing heart & thought process. It feels like 5 lanes of traffic trying to merge into one. This goes on all day and night. On days when I take the sedative, I don't also take the z.t.
I suffer from PTSD from early-onset, chronic physical & mental child abuse--my mom's version of discipline. I go through long periods of unrelenting depression and fear. Insomnia seems to run in my maternal side. I'm in the third generation, and I've seen it in my son since he was 4 years old. I also walk in my sleep and dissociate during the day.
I rarely sleep more than 4 hours in a row without waking up, unable to get back to sleep for an hour or longer. As i get older, it takes longer for the Rx meds to clear my organs the next day, which leaves me in a state of mild confusion, unable to perform with accuracy.
I've been in the mental health system since 1974. Unfortunately, even with therapy, I still suffer self-destructive thoughts much of the time.
I resolved years ago that I would never use my prescribed meds to destroy myself, as I had when I was younger. I knew it would be a gross violation of the trust of my emotional support team to abuse those meds they had entrusted me with. Those meds were given me to save my life.
So I'm fine with my use of meds to sleep. This really hit home with me after getting my first CPAP machine and actually sleeping through the night, realizing I'd been sleep-deprived for years.
It took many years of struggling with self-acceptance to adjust to a life including self-care. I had to develop an "inner parent" to fight against my mom's hateful behavior. It saddens me to confess my biggest response to her death was relief.
I struggle with a sense of resentment that I didn't get to have a happy childhood. But I allow myself to feel proud of my own parenting and to witness how beautiful and free my son is because I chose not to allow the intergenerational suffering to continue.
But I recognize that my insomnia is also a fear of sleeping, being helpless to protect myself. So if I take a pill, it builds a bridge I cross from fear to blissful surrender.
I know that's a lot of words to explain something that's so elementary, but it would take 10x that to explain the eating disorders that brought me to discover this group. And there's no pill to help with that.