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Threats of cancelling my surgery

Badgy

Badgy

Member
My nutritionist has the personality of a doorknob. Gorgeous, athletic, yuppy-like twenty something girl who has ZERO people skills. Very type-A, and she makes me so nervous I can't even remember my name sometimes in her presence. Today she said she worries that the surgery will not be successful for me because I am not eating consistently. Now mind you, I share only 3 random days of my food tracking app, and this is what she's basing it on.

This morning I weighed in 5.1 lbs more at home than I did Friday. Granted my moontime is due today and last night I had a salty canned soup and chips and salsa. I was 226 Friday. I started at 240 lbs Dec 26th. Today I was 231.5 :-( and that's how my morning started. (Evil scale).

She asked if I'm exercising daily. I said no. She asked me why and basically everything I said sounded like excuses, I guess partly because they were. I just don't enjoy exercising. I try. I'm getting at least 2 days in.

She also said I needed to start eating 3 meals consistently throughout the day. I'm a breakfast skipper. Have been whole life. So was my dad. I explained that after surgery those habits will be easier to develop as I will need to eat for nutrition, but she said I must start now. I said that eating early is hard, and when I do, I'm hungrier all day. She seemed to think that was a plus.

I explained my husband lost his job and buying food for 3 meals a day isn't quite feasible, she suggested just eating my dinner over the course of the day three times. I'm like, so I make dinner in the morning and portion it out all day? She said "if that's what it takes."

She really scorned me. I feel completely defeated. I'm not blessed to be one of those people who sets out to prove people wrong so much as I listen to their disapproval and take it personally and then set out to prove them right by hating myself to the nth.

So, I guess exercising daily and eating dinner three times a day is how they want me to proceed in order to qualify. But the thing is, every instinct in me wants to rebel against this. I don't follow threats well. It feels like a threat when it's said in the context of taking away my surgery.

Was she right? If I don't eat there meals a day NOW will I fail AFTER surgery? If I don't daily exercise now, will I not want to exercise post surgery?

I'm afraid they aren't going to approve my surgery now. Did any of you have anything remotely like this happen pre-surgery? How did you handle it?
 
Yes I would change nutritionists my nutritionists is about a 62 year old woman she's ornery at best but she speaks the truth she listens. She never scolds she encourages she cheers my victories encourages change when I feel defeated. Your nutritionist is going to be part of your team for Success if you're not comfortable with her make the change.
 
mmitti said:
Any way to change nutritionists?
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She's relocating to another clinic soon, hopefully before my next appointment. When she said this I almost said, "thank God," out loud. My eyes probably said it anyway. But she was going to call the bariatric dept and let them know it's time to schedule psych eval. I fear she'll tell them I'm high risk for failure and it will cloud the judgment. I guess I shouldn't worry until it happens.
 
I 100% understand how you feel!!!!! I did NOT like my psych eval person at all but really like my nutritionist. My psych person kept making it seem like everything I do is wrong or reason to think I would fail. I really felt like she WANTED me to fail. But I am sure that is not the case and maybe if I fail it looks bad on them or something. I don't know, Its hard thinking they hold all the cards on your future.... I feel ya! But remember that everything happens for a reason - so just be honest with who and what you are and take it from there.
 
Badgy said:
So, I guess exercising daily and eating dinner three times a day is how they want me to proceed in order to qualify. But the thing is, every instinct in me wants to rebel against this. I don't follow threats well. It feels like a threat when it's said in the context of taking away my surgery.

Was she right? If I don't eat there meals a day NOW will I fail AFTER surgery? If I don't daily exercise now, will I not want to exercise post surgery?
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Hi Badgy,

Taking away the personality clash here, look at what the nutritionist is telling you. She's doing what all nutritionists do these days: preparing you for post-op life.

Now I didn't have this because it wasn't offered when I had my surgery 12 years ago. But I've been reading people's surgical stories in this forum for almost a year, and how it's all done now seems sensible to me, though I don't think I could have hung in there for 2 weeks pre-operatively, as people do now.

But you've shared with us here how difficult things are for you since your husband lost his job. If anything, that seems to be the most nerve-wracking present and future you have to deal with, just when you've decided to take back your life.

You should be eating 3 times a day now, and when you have the surgery, that's how you should eat eventually. The small meals concept is really only supposed to be applied for a few weeks post-op. Then you are challenged to eat normally, but you end up taking smaller portions and you supplement with vitamins and minerals, and you lose weight.

She's not wrong in her advice to you, but her words may be dubious since you dislike her so much.

Try to get out of the battle in which you're locked and hear what's best for you. Maybe your response to her is really being affected by your own fears and planning your life. Trying to explain a weight gain is not something ordinary people do. They just gain and lose and gain and lose and it's no big deal. It's a big deal to people like us because we have a built-in saboteur that wants you to fail.

I don't know your timeline at this point, but everybody who plans to have this surgery must demonstrate an ability to comply with dietary guidelines, or they might not be mentally fit for it. If you've been a breakfast skipper all your life and now you're pretty overweight, how can that support the idea that you're going to keep skipping breakfast?

I support you, which is why I'm asking you to revisit this counsel from someone you don't feel comfortable with. I know that just because someone is in a position to evaluate or judge you, meaning they hold the key to the door you need to pass through, that doesn't automatically make them an expert about you. And she just bugs you, so you shut down when you're with her.

So I agree that you need a different nutritionist. But don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. She's making sense. She's saying the right things. I wouldn't have dinner for breakfast, but I think that was a knee-jerk response to your stance against eating breakfast entirely.

We have this surgery to help us recover our lives and be healthy, but it comes at a significant cost. You can't keep eating the way you eat now. You have to demonstrate to the arbiters of choice that you are capable of complying after surgery, or you shouldn't have the surgery. It's a tool, not a magic wand.

So maybe your moon is also a little irritated or upset because your husband isn't working and you can't figure out how to afford what you need to deal with your future. The only thing you should be concerned about now is YOUR future and how you're going to move ahead with your plans and goals. The nutritionist is an easy target because you find her obnoxious, but you did a great job of repeating her message in your post. And what she's saying is what all nutritionists say.

I hope you can be less concerned about weight loss and more focused on how and what you're going to eat. This is a life-changing procedure and you need to be prepared for it. Believe me, you want to have all your ingredients ready and a plan for how you're going to move physically right after the surgery, and the next week and the one after that. I'm guessing that in addition to the fact that hubs lost his job, he's also now home all day, and maybe you're seeing more of him and that's putting a little damper on things. I hope he has some job prospects.

It sounds like you already have written eating plan, or some kind of nutritional guidance for before and after the surgery. Put blinders on and ignore everything that will interfere with your personal future, set up your cupboards and recovery room and exercise plan and just tune everything else out. You wouldn't take the blame for an alcoholic who says your relationship is what's making him drink so much. You shouldn't blame any outside influences for how you eat. Stick to the plan.
 
Thank you, Diane. You're right. I just feel like I'm working so hard to eat right and stick with the plan, so when people zero in on what I'm NOT doing, it really hurts. I know my body. If I start eating breakfast, I'm going to gain weight. That's defeating to me. I'll be hungry all day and it will make it even harder to not think about eating. It's hard enough now.

Every doctor is proud of how I lost so much weight already and all the things I'm doing to succeed. For someone to say to me that I'm not going to succeed, or even suggest it when I'm working so hard, was wrong IMO.

And I'm not BLAMING anyone and I never said I didn't like her. If I did, that's not what I meant. She made me nervous and she treated me dismissively in other ways that I didn't share.
 
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Badgy said:
Every doctor is proud of how I lost so much weight already and all the things I'm doing to succeed.
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If all your other doctors are proud try to focus on that. Hopefully by next visit, her transfer will have happened. Someone who has never battled weight just doesn't get it. Her facts are correct but her delivery is wrong. She shouldn't be working with people with eating disorders and she must know that if she's leaving. Don't let one person discourage you!
 
Brenda2010 said:
If all your other doctors are proud try to focus on that. Hopefully by next visit, her transfer will have happened. Someone who has never battled weight just doesn't get it. Her facts are correct but her delivery is wrong. She shouldn't be working with people with eating disorders and she must know that if she's leaving. Don't let one person discourage you!
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I agree. You've got to have people skills to be a counselor. She's glacier cold. It's very intimidating and unnerving.
 
I was and still am the same way, I'm not much of a breakfast person. I was able to eat breakfast for the first month after surgery because I was at home and it was easy to eat later in the morning (I just don't have it in me to eat earlier than about 4 hours after I wake up... I'm simply not hungry and I hate the idea of forcing myself to eat). I am also a person who works out first thing in the morning. I have learned if I don't have protein in me before working out, my stomach physically hurts. So I have compromised in all of this and I do a protein shake when I wake up. I get up at 4 am, drink the shake down by 4:30, then workout and get ready. I get to work at 7:30 and after I settle in (usually around 8) I will eat a banana or some other fruit. It helps with the multiple meals and makes sure I am getting something in first thing when I don't have the willpower to force myself to chew/eat something. Maybe that might be an option to look at? Drink breakfast rather than eat it. Whatever changes you decide to make, good luck with them!
 
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