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Starting to feel real now

I'm scheduled for the same day, and I'm also starting to get the butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. This isn't my first surgery, I'm not really scared about that because I know better what to expect, but I'm scared about the after, how I'll feel physically and emotionally, and how long the suck will last. It seems like the first 3 -5 days are difficult and it gets easier from there. I have a countdown ticker on my phone for the day I start the 2 week liquid diet, and the day of surgery and now it's 1 week and 3 weeks, it seems like yesterday it was 4 weeks and six weeks. The time is going by so fast.
 
I'm having gastric sleeve surgery on January 10. I'm nervous about the anesthesia since a non-related surgery was hard to recover from due to the anesthesia. I'm sure this is the right decision, I'm 58 and have CHF, CKD, anemia, high bp. mild depression and an eating disorder. I've waited almost 2 years to get approved for this surgery. I'm concerned about how I will manage myself emotionally without food. I know I will need massive amounts of support. I hope I will be so pleased with the surgery that I will continue to use it as a tool. This surgery will make kidney transplant surgery easier if I am ever offered a kidney. Lots to think about. This is not at all an easy fix!
 
So after my appt yesterday I left the hospital feeling super hungry, didn't plan well to have foods on hand, and had to pick up toilet paper. I ended up buying a box of gluten free sandwich cookies. I don't eat anything with sugar anymore but I had a food freak out/goodbye party? I ate too many, threw the box away, and ate 3 times the amount of popcorn I normally eat. Le sigh. I feel better today but I can tell the panic feeling of "I have to go without for an endless time" is coming up and I'm getting urges to eat things I already don't eat. I'm not doing the spiral thing where I figure I already messed up might as well go for it, nor am I doing the self recrimination. I'm moving on, today is a new day. I'm scared of the 2 week liquid diet, my mind is telling me I should be able to eat a little bit for Christmas, and that just leads to the slippery slope. I'm keeping busy, I'm using positive reinforcement for my self talk, and continuing to recognize the thoughts and behaviors. It's hard.
 
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Lily27 said:
So after my appt yesterday I left the hospital feeling super hungry, didn't plan well to have foods on hand, and had to pick up toilet paper. I ended up buying a box of gluten free sandwich cookies. I don't eat anything with sugar anymore but I had a food freak out/goodbye party? I ate too many, threw the box away, and ate 3 times the amount of popcorn I normally eat. Le sigh. I feel better today but I can tell the panic feeling of "I have to go without for a endless time" is coming up and I'm getting urges to eat things I already don't eat. I'm not doing the spiral thing where I figure I already messed up might as well go for it, nor am I doing the self recrimination. I'm moving on, today is a new day. I'm scared of the 2 week liquid diet, my mind is telling me I should be able to eat a little bit for Christmas, and that just leads to the slippery slope. I'm keeping busy, I'm using positive reinforcement for my self talk, and continuing to recognize the thoughts and behaviors. It's hard.
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I agree with Diane. You did a great job expressing yourself. While reading your post, I felt like you could see into my mind lol. I have been doing poorly at not eating the things I shouldn't be eating and i KNOW I shouldn't be doing it. Those excuses also came into my head lol. Time to get back on track. I want to succeed and I have the willpower to do it. I did it for months and can't let the holidays be my downfall lol.
It is a bummer but I totally believe you can get through the liquid preop diet. You have made it this far.
 
Epril said:
I'm having gastric sleeve surgery on January 10. I'm nervous about the anesthesia since a non-related surgery was hard to recover from due to the anesthesia. I'm sure this is the right decision, I'm 58 and have CHF, CKD, anemia, high bp. mild depression and an eating disorder. I've waited almost 2 years to get approved for this surgery. I'm concerned about how I will manage myself emotionally without food. I know I will need massive amounts of support. I hope I will be so pleased with the surgery that I will continue to use it as a tool. This surgery will make kidney transplant surgery easier if I am ever offered a kidney. Lots to think about. This is not at all an easy fix!
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I wish the best of luck to you. This is most definitely not an easy fix. Those who say it is can suck it lol
 
I went to my last consultation with my surgeon today. Surgery is set for 7:30 am on the 3rd at akron city hospital. I have a small hiatial hernia that he will repair as well. Preop diet starts on the 19th. Everyone keeps saying I will be a different person in about a year. Unrecognizable even. I have so much trouble seeing that for myself. Blows my mind thinking about but I am ready. I am tired of carrying all this weight and so are my knees. Best of luck to all future surgeries and to all post surgery my you continue to meet your goals.
 
dianeseattle said:
Lily, you really expressed yourself well in this post. You can feel proud of yourself for that. And I believe most people go through the same agony during the holidays, which is really a pigfest. I mean, everything revolves around food, same as the Memorial Day and Fourth of July picnics, family and church potlucks and virtually any social event.

If I was going through this kind of agony, I'd keep my journal close. I'd make a list of foods and recipes that work to keep me on track, make sure my pantry was stocked and write down every crumb that goes in my mouth.. I'd also tell everyone, friends and family, that I'm not eating the fattening foods and desserts everyone thinks they need to prepare during the holidays.

You're so aware and smart. You know this is the most dangerous time of the year to make excuses and fail. Thank you for sharing with us because I'd bet most of us are feeling just the way you are. Keep your journal and write everything down. You're going to succeed.
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That is a great idea. I actually had been Journaling but stopped while waiting for my authorization to come back and didn't start again. I realize now that it helped me stay on track. Seems like soon as i stopped, i started slipping here and there. I will be getting back into that.
 
I track everything I eat in the FitBit app, it's super easy for me. I started writing all the food down in a journal and I can see where I have been adding carbs and eating less meat/protein. Today, after my swim, super hungry I ate the chicken sausage first, then the sugar free greek yogurt and grapes. I weigh/measure everything, that way even when I don't eat the right things, I still have it tracked. I'm trying to see the good, the bad, and the ugly for what it is.
 
Lily, its totally natural to have a freak out. Just remind yourself it is only a few weeks. You're suffering now with being overweight. You'll suffer a few weeks without solid food. And then you'll start to feel amazing!

Also, after surgery, many of us were barely hungry at all. Post ok is more about making sure you get enough food, not "I wish I had more".

Also, for me, the pre-op liquid diet was weirdly empowering .. After about day 3. The first few days were rough, not gonna lie. I'm 3 years out and it was100% worth it. Seriously.

I'm glad you didn't allow yourself to spiral or beat yourself up. Healing our relationship with food and ourselves is an important step towards success.

You got this!!
 
Lily27 said:
My liquid diet starts on Wednesday and it feels like my countdown is moving faster now. I've been dreading it but now I'm excited to just get it started knowing that I'll be closer to getting to the other side of it. How are the rest of you feeling?
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I really lucked out compared to you lily. I can eat on my preop diet. I have a shake in the morning, protien bar for snack, can of soup for lunch, snack shake and dinner is a can of soup, 3oz protien (no ham) and 1 cup of veggies(non starchy) I start on Tuesday.
I feel bad telling you too lol. Don't hate me!

It really does feel like time is going faster. I'm nervous but not as nervous as I thought I'd be. I have a really cool and funny surgeon. He said I was his 1st patient in the morning on the 3rd and I said, oh nice. He said hmm, you probably would want to be one of my evening patients, im not hungover then. He was joking and I found it funny. He sets me at ease. Feel like that is part of why I'm not as nervous.
 
Hello all, checking in! I'm on day 4 of the 2 week clear liquid plus 4-5 protein shakes. Yesterday was the hardest so far, today I woke up feeling better. The only concession is that I asked to substitute one protein shake for one cup of milk, I put a half cup of milk in my decaf coffee and I have 2 in the morning. I just keep thinking my liver better be straight *&^% dainty after this.
I kept wanting to ask if I could have a tiny portion of food on Christmas day, the RN who did our class said that several of the surgeons were allowing that, but now that I feel better I don't want to start that process over again, I'll just stick with what I"m doing. No need to suffer any more than I have to.
It feels like time is simultaneously flying by and standing still. It's so weird, and the next 10 days feel miles away and yet 10 days til surgery is crazy.
How are you Truffleshuffle, Ucbear, and Epril?
 
Lily27 said:
Hello all, checking in! I'm on day 4 of the 2 week clear liquid plus 4-5 protein shakes. Yesterday was the hardest so far, today I woke up feeling better. The only concession is that I asked to substitute one protein shake for one cup of milk, I put a half cup of milk in my decaf coffee and I have 2 in the morning. I just keep thinking my liver better be straight *&^% dainty after this.
I kept wanting to ask if I could have a tiny portion of food on Christmas day, the RN who did our class said that several of the surgeons were allowing that, but now that I feel better I don't want to start that process over again, I'll just stick with what I"m doing. No need to suffer any more than I have to.
It feels like time is simultaneously flying by and standing still. It's so weird, and the next 10 days feel miles away and yet 10 days til surgery is crazy.
How are you Truffleshuffle, Ucbear, and Epril?
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Today starts my sixth day preop. It's going ok. So, I'm grateful I am allowed to eat. However, Christmas treats are calling my freaking name lol. It's like heyyyy girl, why you ignoring me. Ik it's in my head but oof. I swear while my family is eating thier glorious yummy food I'm going to be watching them and trying to make them uncomfortable. Maybe drool here and there lmao. Jk jk...maybe
Lily you are rocking this preop girl! I am proud of you. You have amazing will power! You are going to do great on your WLS journey.
I agree with you, surgery day is coming up fast! I go on the 27th to do my P.A.T. I am getting more nervous as the days go by. I even dreamed of backing out of it on Surgery day. I'm not cause I went through 6 months of tests and educational classes and all that good stuff to be where I'm at and I'll be damned if it was for nothing lol.
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!
 

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