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Frustrated with coworker

LauraLeigh

LauraLeigh

Member
I've chosen to be very open with my coworkers about my surgery. I'll have been with the same company for three years in May and I'm well known throughout the building. The change in my weight has been dramatic and it's just easier for me to be out there. The response has been overwhelmingly supportive and although I realize I have opened myself up to criticism, I do not regret my decision at all.
However, I had an incident with a coworker the other night that made me mad. She made some very critical comments about the size of my lunch. Granted, it was a larger lunch than I usually bring. My typical lunch is a veggie burger with 1/8 cup of reduced fat feta cheese. This particular day I made a salad. 2 oz of Italian blend salad with 2 oz of baked chicken breast, a sprinkling of blueberries and reduced fat feta cheese, and 2 tbsp of light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Like I said, larger than my typical fare, but I was dying for this salad. I couldn't even finish it all.
It just really bothers me that someone could possibly criticize the amount of food I eat when my average daily calorie intake is between 700 - 800 calories. I've had regular meetings with both my doctor and a nutritionist. They've scrutinized absolutely everything I put in my mouth. Do people really think I don't know what I can and can't eat. And who pays that much attention to what other people eat? I couldn't tell you what the girls I sat with were eating, let alone someone on the other side of the room!
I've come to recognize that for whatever reason, someone criticizing me in this manner is a trigger for me. It's the weirdest thing, but I've wanted nothing more than to shove food in my face since this incident happened. In defiance, I guess. I get really mad when someone tells me how much to eat or questions what I eat, regardless of if they think I should eat more or less or how healthy or unhealthy the food is. Unless, of course, the advice was solicited. I was never a defiant child and I don't have a problem with authority or anything like that, so what's up with the food thing? Does anyone else have this problem or am I just really crazy?
 
LauraLeigh said:
I've chosen to be very open with my coworkers about my surgery. I'll have been with the same company for three years in May and I'm well known throughout the building. The change in my weight has been dramatic and it's just easier for me to be out there. The response has been overwhelmingly supportive and although I realize I have opened myself up to criticism, I do not regret my decision at all.
However, I had an incident with a coworker the other night that made me mad. She made some very critical comments about the size of my lunch. Granted, it was a larger lunch than I usually bring. My typical lunch is a veggie burger with 1/8 cup of reduced fat feta cheese. This particular day I made a salad. 2 oz of Italian blend salad with 2 oz of baked chicken breast, a sprinkling of blueberries and reduced fat feta cheese, and 2 tbsp of light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Like I said, larger than my typical fare, but I was dying for this salad. I couldn't even finish it all.
It just really bothers me that someone could possibly criticize the amount of food I eat when my average daily calorie intake is between 700 - 800 calories. I've had regular meetings with both my doctor and a nutritionist. They've scrutinized absolutely everything I put in my mouth. Do people really think I don't know what I can and can't eat. And who pays that much attention to what other people eat? I couldn't tell you what the girls I sat with were eating, let alone someone on the other side of the room!
I've come to recognize that for whatever reason, someone criticizing me in this manner is a trigger for me. It's the weirdest thing, but I've wanted nothing more than to shove food in my face since this incident happened. In defiance, I guess. I get really mad when someone tells me how much to eat or questions what I eat, regardless of if they think I should eat more or less or how healthy or unhealthy the food is. Unless, of course, the advice was solicited. I was never a defiant child and I don't have a problem with authority or anything like that, so what's up with the food thing? Does anyone else have this problem or am I just really crazy?
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First and foremost that woman's monitoring your intake sounds like the psyche of someone who has anorexia and OCD...

Don't let it get under your skin it is HER issues not yours...Next time tell her to back off and deal with her own personal food demons, not your. You have a handle on yours.. :)

She also sounds like she is attempting to sabotage your success... My mom has a history of this kind of BS with me...

Do not let her bother you honey, your doing amazingly great...

Secondly, does she really matter to you in the scheme of your life and well being?

Does she live with you, pay your bills, raise your family, did she raise you, has she taken care of you when you have been sick, depressed or been there for you other than a work associate? If not she does not matter.

Just because you work with others does NOT mean you have to be best friends or even friends for that matter. You are not paid to be fellow employees best friends, confidants. therapists or anything else. You are paid to provide your skills and services to the company that pays you..

STOP EATING YOUR EMOTIONS AND STUFFING THEM IN YOUR MOUTH WITH FOOD...

YOU ARE WORTHY OF HAPPINESS AND IF DEFENDING YOURSELF AND STANDING OUT IS PART OF THAT THEN DO IT...

YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS.......
 
LauraLeigh said:
I've chosen to be very open with my coworkers about my surgery. I'll have been with the same company for three years in May and I'm well known throughout the building. The change in my weight has been dramatic and it's just easier for me to be out there. The response has been overwhelmingly supportive and although I realize I have opened myself up to criticism, I do not regret my decision at all.



However, I had an incident with a coworker the other night that made me mad. She made some very critical comments about the size of my lunch. Granted, it was a larger lunch than I usually bring. My typical lunch is a veggie burger with 1/8 cup of reduced fat feta cheese. This particular day I made a salad. 2 oz of Italian blend salad with 2 oz of baked chicken breast, a sprinkling of blueberries and reduced fat feta cheese, and 2 tbsp of light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Like I said, larger than my typical fare, but I was dying for this salad. I couldn't even finish it all.
It just really bothers me that someone could possibly criticize the amount of food I eat when my average daily calorie intake is between 700 - 800 calories. I've had regular meetings with both my doctor and a nutritionist. They've scrutinized absolutely everything I put in my mouth. Do people really think I don't know what I can and can't eat. And who pays that much attention to what other people eat? I couldn't tell you what the girls I sat with were eating, let alone someone on the other side of the room!
I've come to recognize that for whatever reason, someone criticizing me in this manner is a trigger for me. It's the weirdest thing, but I've wanted nothing more than to shove food in my face since this incident happened. In defiance, I guess. I get really mad when someone tells me how much to eat or questions what I eat, regardless of if they think I should eat more or less or how healthy or unhealthy the food is. Unless, of course, the advice was solicited. I was never a defiant child and I don't have a problem with authority or anything like that, so what's up with the food thing? Does anyone else have this problem or am I just really crazy?
Click to expand...

LauraLeigh, you are mad and righteously so. Eating a salad is a responsible food to eat after bariatric surgery. Your co worker is a fool and evidently doesnt know a healthy diet if it jumped up and bit her in her rear end! She probably is just jealous of you and wants to sabotage you. DON'T let her get to you! You have done AWESOME dropping weight and you WILL be successful. Your appitite has probably increased because this person has upset you and many of us eat when we are upset. Thats okay.. this emotion will pass, if you must eat something extra then pick something very low cal like a stick of celery or some cherry tomatoes or something. If she says anything more to you, be ready to tell her off, plan ahead and tell her nicely or not so nicely to mind her own business!

Sending you positive thoughts and a big hug, :)

Cheyenne
 
My first thought would be to tell her to get a life of her own. But then maybe this is her life- putting down others.
 
Sounds like she is passive aggressive. She fools her self into thinking she is helping you but in reality is just mean spirited. I have a woman like that in my office too. She thinks she knows all about healthy eating and never stops herself from criticizing others for what they eat. Then she goes out to smoker. Talk about healthy! You know what you are doing is right. Don't let her get under your skin.
 
Sounds like a jealous person who may want to have the surgery like you did but is scared to.
 
Wow!

You have already dropped 128 pounds; CONGRATULATIONS !!!

You are doing fantastic.

Everything has been said about this co-worker. I couldn't add more to it.

Well maybe? How much does your co-worker weigh? Does she have a weight problem? If so, the next time she has an issue hand her the card to your surgeon's office along with the nutritionist, etc., etc. Tell her you go here and try to resolve your own weight problems before you say another thing to me about my success at solving my weight problem.

If she is just another "normal" weight person, well tell her to bug off and mind her own f....g business. That should take car of her.

:)

Ralph
 
Dear Linney, You are not crazy ! That person was so out of line-it must have been a shock to hear her. Could she be jealous? A lot of women have some kind of issue with their weight. It is hard to hear a negative comment when you have worked so hard to be where you are now-surgery or no surgery, it takes hard work ! Maybe she was just having a bad day, who knows? Some people can be; quite rude, sadly. Keep your chin up, you are doing great ! And you are an inspiration for the rest of us !! JanB
 
Thank you guys for all of your support!
Yes, my coworker is overweight. I would not say extremely so, but she would qualify for a lap band. I'm not the best judge of these things and she's a very tall woman with a very different frame from mine so it's difficult for me to say. I honestly don't know what's wrong with her, but I can say that management and HR have had a particularly hard time with her for a variety of reasons.
In retrospect, I think she was actually making those comments for one of our leads, who had bypass surgery five years ago and has only recently put on a little weight. Two birds, one stone. Irregardless, the comments were unnecessary. Everyone has their own challenges and the two of us (the lead and I) are working on our problems. Calling this particular coworker out on her behavior doesn't work because she accepts absolutely no responsibility for her actions. This applies to both social interactions and her actual work. She blames other people, lies, and literally cries. I try to avoid her as much as possible, but as I have frequently have to work with her on the same orders, this is almost impossible. I make every effort to keep conversation infrequent, light, pleasant and impersonal.
Reading what you all had to say made me realized that this coworker isn't the problem. The problem is the insecurity she's triggered in me and my response to it. I must have paced to the fridge 1,000 times, and I confess to shoving pickles and a fruit bar in my face, but I did double the exercise to try to burn off the anxiety. Ultimately, I'm much happier because I don't feel guilty on top of everything else. So, thanks a million again to all of you for helping through this. :)
 
LauraLeigh you are amazing, you know exactly how much of a favor this woman did for you. She provoked the eating daemon in you, you saw it and you took the opportunity to defeat that daemon! I'm so proud of your insight and how you overcame the many many years of conditioned response. This woman did you a big favor and will probably continue to do so, it's unfortunate that she doesn't have your wisdom to see the real meaning in her words. Remember you get to choose how you receive information from people. I like the way you think.
 
Hi Laura,

Most people that are in the workplace are just that...co-workers. Sometimes we find out the hard way and it's emotionally challenging to say the least that especially if they are overweight themselves, they are saddened and self-loathing of their own shortcomings. When I was losing weight, my co-workers would bring in candy, cake, and eat in with an overly dramatic mmmmmmmmmm to it so I would feel bad, but they are all still miserable, and not the kind of people I would choose to hang out with or deal with outside of work. With that said, you keep your head held up high, smile in the face of your friendamies, and walk away from anyone who has something hurtful or negative to say to you. The majority of people at my workplace were also very supportive, but the immediate group of people were the overweight, unhappy, and unkind ones. They didn't want me to have the surgery, but I did for me and my health issues. I had to walk away and stay away from people I work with in the immediate circle so I would not become stressed and want to eat. You come first, and you take care of yourself. Walk away the moment you don't want to entertain their negative behavior. Now that I've almost reached my third anniversary, the friendamies are beginning to stay away from the sugar and the sweets and are trying to lose weight themselves. It's not easy to be around these people, but we have to since they work with us. Smile in spite of what they try to say or do. You'll be the victor in the end! Hugs, Linneyxxoo
 
I only have a couple of things to say about this situation Laura. First, congratulation of defeating the desire to over indulge because of anger. You are proven that you are changing your mindset which will in time make you a healthy and happier person. It is never an option to avoid the eating triggers but it is always a personal responsibility to resist them. You did that and I for one am very proud of you. Second, who am I kidding there is not second here you and your health and all that matter in this situation and you handled it like a champ.

hugs and congrats
you go girl
 
LauraLeigh, you were very brave to share your weight loss journey with your co-workers and hopefully, some will learn from the good example your setting. I did not share with anyone but my former secretary and only because she's also a friend. I didn't share because I know people can be mean-spirited and my place of business leans to the "gossipy" side anyway. I knew that if someone made a snarky comment to me, I might not hold my tongue & for now, I still need my job! lol ;)

I'd say the others are correct in stating that your co-worker is likely jealous of your progress, but that doesn't give her the right to be witchy about it. If she makes another comment, I'd respond with "Really? Thanks for your concern, but I really don't pay attention to what other people eat. I focus on my own nutrition!"

There is a good saying that applies here: Those who matter, don't mind & those that mind, don't matter!!
 
Hi.this is my 1st time since I registered. Please disregard what she says. Some people are so judge mental. You are doing a great job. I also have people questioning me on what I eat. Should you be eating this or that? It is very annoying. I do not regret having this surgery but I wish people would mind their business. People like your co-worker are not happy unless they are putting others down. I wish you the best.
 
Laurel48 said:
Hi.this is my 1st time since I registered. Please disregard what she says. Some people are so judge mental. You are doing a great job. I also have people questioning me on what I eat. Should you be eating this or that? It is very annoying. I do not regret having this surgery but I wish people would mind their business. People like your co-worker are not happy unless they are putting others down. I wish you the best.
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Laurel,

Welcome to the forum.

Wow have you really done a great job or what!

318 down to 159 in a little over a year.

You have so much to be proud of.

Do drop by more often. Help others with your success story. Stay on track with those of us who are approaching goals and need to then learn to keep it off.

I hope you have found a local bariatric group where you can attend meetings with them and help and listen and be helped.

We all need support.

Ralph
 
Hi LauraLeigh. I agree with all the responses. You are doing such an awesome job so keep up the great work. My nephew and I have realised people have come to think they can say or do anything or feel entitled to do so. I know it's easier said than done but if she already has become an issue to HR she probably won't be feeling so when terminated. You took a wonderful view of this and now you know how to handle your triggers. My sister came for me to take care of her after a foot surgery and she never concerns herself about a single calorie, never has. I had done so well but I couldn't fight the sweets. I finally got hold of it and she was back so were the sweets. I got hold of it again and someone was trying to steal my gas from cans or my oil tank and I indulged myself and felt horrible and ashamed. I've been doing better by talking here and have been very active the last couple of days, but no one invites me to do things because of my surgery and trouble eating,. I can still do most things. I will no longer feel left out. I'm taking your approach and living life learning my triggers. :cool:
 
Hi Black Betty, I also commend LauraLeigh for doing a great job of handling her problem !! I also related to your struggles. I was doing pretty good with my diet and then I got sick for three weeks. Didn't want to eat and didn't have the foods for when you are sick. What a mess! Lots of cravings even when I felt sick! Anyway, I'm back on track but it isn't always easy. I am joining a support group for WLS people and looking forward to the support. I too am alone and not very active. Weight was part of the problem and no car was too .Now I am taking steps to mix in with new people for my mental health. Take care, today is a new day for us! We will succeed :eek:
 
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