Have my date set - How do I tell extended family?

[Liz Haran]

I just completed my 6 months of supervised weight loss (down 24.7 pounds!) and have set my surgery date for August 22. My close family and friends (Boyfriend, parents, brother, and best friends) have known about my plans for several months and have been incredibly supportive and happy for me. I don't plan on telling everyone I know, but there are a few family members that I think should know - one of my aunts and my grandma (who has always criticized my weight), and my boyfriend's parents who I have been living with for the past two months and will be up until a few days before my surgery. I'm most nervous about telling my boyfriend's parents - they haven't known me as long as my family has so they don't really know how much I have struggled with my weight my whole life. They are good people, but can sometimes be judgmental when they think that a decision is risky or not what they would have done.

I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences telling their loved ones about their surgery and if you have any tips you could pass on. Thanks!

*Liz

 

[Laura Boo]

I just completed my 6 months of supervised weight loss (down 24.7 pounds!) and have set my surgery date for August 22. My close family and friends (Boyfriend, parents, brother, and best friends) have known about my plans for several months and have been incredibly supportive and happy for me. I don't plan on telling everyone I know, but there are a few family members that I think should know - one of my aunts and my grandma (who has always criticized my weight), and my boyfriend's parents who I have been living with for the past two months and will be up until a few days before my surgery. I'm most nervous about telling my boyfriend's parents - they haven't known me as long as my family has so they don't really know how much I have struggled with my weight my whole life. They are good people, but can sometimes be judgmental when they think that a decision is risky or not what they would have done.

I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences telling their loved ones about their surgery and if you have any tips you could pass on. Thanks!

*Liz

Hi Liz,

I'm in a similar situation . I've been jumping through hoops for the last 6 months deciding if I wanted to do this and now have finally decided I do. I still have a few more appointments and to finish with my 6 month supervised weight loss. Sadly the doc I saw before discussed eating issues withe me for 6 months helping me come to this decision, but didn't weigh me so I have to start all over. I don't mind the process being slow - it's scary and I'm still mentally preparing, but I'm struggling with how to tell my Grandma. She'll never understand. She, like most of my family, are old school and treat their bodies like temples so have never understood my lack of will power, or how I've struggled. They say, why don't you just not eat so much. grrrrr. But at the same time, I do want to tell her, but don't want her to worry. I guess I don't have any advice for you, but certainly want you to know that you're not alone. Good luck with everything. That's really exciting!

 

[Tracy Lindenmuth]

I told the world from the get go, I had positive and negative people, ignore the negativity, and focus on yourself, you know you need to do this, you know you will be so much more healthier and happier, you got this, and the important people in your life have got your back, that's all that matters, good luck

 

[Maggie C]

I told barely anyone. Only a few close friends. I don't think you're obligated to tell anyone, honestly, unless it's unavoidable or you trust that they'll be supportive. It greatly helps for people to know because you'll want to talk about it. But, I personally wouldn't tell anyone who is critical because those kind of people revel in the failure of others. This is for YOU, not them. You owe them nothing.

 

[Michelle97]

Hey Liz,

You have to do what you feel is right for you. I think all of us who choose to have this surgery have lived with the torture and torment that other people can subject to people like us who are a bit heavy. It creates a bit of a stigma that you don't really want to talk about with everyone. As long as your family and boyfriend and close friends are supportive, you are in good hands and you need not feel pressured to tell anyone else. It is entirely your decision.

 

[Yaneli]

Hi Liz!

I am having surgery August 21st! If and when you are ready to tell additional family members and friends, gently remind them that you are sharing the decision you've already made based on multiple medical consults and advice...in other words, they should understand that you are not asking for their permission but rather simply informing them.

Best of luck!!!