• American Bariatrics is a free online Bariatric Support Group. Register for your free account and get access to all of our great features!

Husband had surgery and now expects me to not cook or eat in front of him

I think that your husband is being very unreasonable. My husband, like you, makes my meals and has offered to eat downstairs so I don't get have to see or smell his "regular" food. I told him no, that I enjoy his company and want him to stay with me and it's been working out for us.
 
This is a temporary situation and it will pass unless your husband is a complete jerk, which you would have known long ago. This is a knee-jerk reaction to a whole lot of emotions and thoughts he never had before because this is such a big and new experience for him. Try to accommodate him a little. But don't let him run your life. He needs to see how normal people eat. If you're not a big overeater, give him a little space and even occasionally partake with him exactly what he eats.
 
I had a friend who was a very severe alcoholic. She stayed with me for a while when she was displaced. She never had enough money for anything but she always managed to have a gallon bottle of vodka around. Sometimes I would hide it from her. She would only think that she had drunk at all and should go buy another one. When I finally told her what I had been doing, she pointed out to me that there was nothing I could do about her problem because even if I dumped it out, she would just go buy another bottle.

Don't let him make you codependent. You're not the one who has the problem.
 
Mrshobie said:
Hubby had surgery 7 days ago. Doing well but now gets mad if I fix me something to eat. What am I supposed to do?. It isn't feasible for me to never cook or go out of the house for every meal.
I fix his drinks meds soups etc.. I think he thinks I should have to eat only what he eats... What can I do ?
Click to expand...
I understand how he feels especially if he's new on this journey. When you have an addiction such as food, it's hard to see everyone in your family eating whatever they wish as we are going through withdrawal of our new way of eating lifestyle. I was fortunate enough to have my family support me to join me in eating healthy and making better food choices along with me. As a result, they not only lost weight, but also became healthier than before. It will take some time, but your hubby will adjust and get used to his new routine. Hang in there.
 
Well, being a husband who had the surgery, I think he needs to get over it. Everyone in the family has to eat. In a few weeks, he can eat what everyone else is but in smaller amounts. If his relationship with food is so fragile, he should consider talking to a therapist because that isn't healthy.

My apologies for being blunt, but although I realize he's had a life-changing procedure and has to learn a new way of living, he's going to be in situations for the rest of his life where the people around him are eating more food and more variety of food than he is. He needs to get used to it and just accept it as a part of his new life.
 
WazzuCoug said:
Well, being a husband who had the surgery, I think he needs to get over it. Everyone in the family has to eat. In a few weeks, he can eat what everyone else is but in smaller amounts. If his relationship with food is so fragile, he should consider talking to a therapist because that isn't healthy.

My apologies for being blunt, but although I realize he's had a life-changing procedure and has to learn a new way of living, he's going to be in situations for the rest of his life where the people around him are eating more food and more variety of food than he is. He needs to get used to it and just accept it as a part of his new life.
Click to expand...
I second this comment. I have been lucky to have support at home, but my wife is wanting me to cook. For now, our son is cooking (and he is a great cook who understands what I need). My wife wants to have ice cream or cookies or . . . . every night. I tell her, that I do too, but I can't because I want to get and stay healthy. I accept the challenges of the surgery are mine, and I acknowledge that others have to eat as well. Hang in there, he'll learn eventually.
 
Mrshobie said:
Hubby had surgery 7 days ago. Doing well but now gets mad if I fix me something to eat. What am I supposed to do?. It isn't feasible for me to never cook or go out of the house for every meal.
I fix his drinks meds soups etc.. I think he thinks I should have to eat only what he eats... What can I do ?
Click to expand...
It's a normal response after the surgery. Please remember, it's a team effort. If he was on crack and went into rehab, would you smoke crack in front f him?
 
The BLJ said:
I agree he's being completely unreasonable and selfish and self-centered this is a process and you two need to talk about having both your needs met.
Click to expand...
As a 13 year veteran of weight loss surgery, these issues should have been discussed before surgery. It is not unreasonable nor selfish, he wants to be cautious and not go back. He needs all of the support possible. Things will happen to him, and you and your family you never expected.
 
I think that it is important that you return to an environment where everything is back to normal. If you have a partner who cooks, it isn't fair to ask the partner not to cook or eat in front of you.

I don't think that people could relate to the crack comparison as well as they might to alcohol. It is frequently talked about in every community. Should you drink in front of an alcoholic?

As I mentioned in my story above, a very important friend who is also an alcoholic explained to me that I shouldn't refrain from drinking if I wanted to drink in front of her. She made a point of telling me that it won't make any difference because if she wanted a drink, all she had to do is go down to the liquor store and get a new bottle.

I would probably feel self-conscious about it if I were the cook. But I wouldn't change my habits because your partner needs to live in the world he used to live in and that includes the fact that someone is always going to be cooking something all the time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top