Welcome, Alien! I think most people believe the surgery they chose was the best surgery choice of all. I had RYGB and must confess, I don't think I would have felt as confident if I'd had the sleeve. As the sleeve came up from the back of the herd, though, I did feel envious of the ease of laparoscopic surgery, including the recovery time, which for some people, lasted even less than a day. Post-operatively, however, I've read hundreds of posts from people who shared their experiences, and both procedures carry with them the possibility of the same problems. Pain, vomiting, dehydration, disgust of food or craving food or both, nausea without vomiting, diarrhea or constipation or both and a real difficulty following the meal plans, from liquid to solid foods.
Everyone has a different pain threshold and a different experience and there are many threads and replies about that. But one thing people rarely mention is the grieving process, or the mourning period.
I think the obstacle that kept me from having the surgery years earlier was the thought, every time I gorged myself on some snack or favorite entree, was that I'd never be able to eat this again, or at least, not experience the comfort of binge/purge. I used to get in my car and drive from one convenience store to another, getting snack cakes or drinks or hot deli food at one, then frozen treats and chips at the next, eating my way along. If I had anything left over after shopping for binge foods, I'd eat it at home, before bed. Nothing ever lasted overnight.
that was no longer possible after surgery and the absence of it in my life was huge. What an enormous hole of loneliness and failure and self-abnegation I had to fill! And without being able to binge, I had to replace it with something, because there were just too many minutes in the day. Initially I just filled it with sleep, but eventually, I had to get up & face life without this coping mechanism. It was like being reborn, in the worst sense of that word--ugly, painful, achingly self-hateful, mad at the world, seeing ugly everywhere. Food was a filter I saw the world through and it had blocked so much out.
The mental recovery was by far the worst part of having the surgery. It was torture for a short while. But then I saw other things--the beautiful clothes I could wear, the more angular shapes in my face & cheeks, the way I could choose to eat or not to eat, the places I could go, from the ocean to the tops of mountains. and I don't know if this was negative or positive reinforcement--probably both--but it was the way NO ONE NOTICED ME that was the most shocking. I blended into the crowd. I was like everyone else who was average. I had to find new things to talk about aside from discussing why I was such a failure in life and such a huge disappointment. I was on equal footing and now I had to hold up my end. I had no disability to hide behind or reason for not going out and about with people, rather than alone, secretively.
But I knew I could gain it all back unless I could adapt. I knew this because immediately, as soon as my surgical scar was under control, I tried to binge again. The doctor didn't do surgery on my brain. The crazy impulse was alive and well and still very obese. This was where the pouch saved me. I simply could not eat my way back. The pain and vomiting and general self-loathing when I tried was more than I could deal with. And I lost 60 pounds in the first 60 days, so the physical window for bingeing was really small.
Still, it was a genuine loss. It took years for me to get used to my new way of thinking and I still don't think my eating disorder is gone. I have to find other things to fill the emptiness.
Guess what? it doesn't matter if you're fat or thin. That internal pain lives on and you have to deal with it. But before RYGB, I just ate myself happy. After, I had to turn to other means, and even though I grieved the loss of my habit, eventually, i got happier. and really, the impulse for self-destruction is practically a horrible memory. Even if it wasn't, my pouch remains too small to binge successfully.
and yeah, you will probably experience the same things listed above, so get ready. You will not regret it, though, unless your real problem is that you have a compulsion to destroy your life.
Did anyone else miss their eating disorder like I did? I've always wondered.
I know it will be hard, but I am determined to make it work and worth it. I am motivated to lose weight and keep it off. I just seem not to be able to decide what surgery I want. I was sure I wanted a sleeve, but my surgeon said bypass is better for me (I am diabetic, and have problems getting pregnant). And after reading posts on that group I am leaning towards bypass. I still have 3 months to decide, but I like to know what I want and what to expect beforehand.
