missdarmitage
Member
Wow. So I'm here. Finally. And my emotions are all over the place. This is my first experience with any type of support group and I want to thank you all in advance for your support, wisdom, advice, and kindness. These are things that I have never expected from people and always afraid that I won't receive. The thought of going to an actual, in-person support group scares me to pieces, even more so than the upcoming surgery! But I am ecstatic to have found this online forum that seems to have so much mutual respect and support for one another from what I have read so far. I will tell you upfront this post is more about me sharing my story so far and not about looking for answers or solutions. So if you are interested in hearing about it, read on!
I first took notice of the gastric bypass surgery about eight years ago. My family was more judgemental back then and I just didn't feel the support I wanted. So I brushed the thought of surgery aside and kept going with my life as it was. I have been overweight since at least middle school and was lucky. Not many people made me feel bad about myself, but I would receive the comments from grandparents and step parents commenting on my weight. Because of that, I have come to love myself as I am but of course always have deeply wished I could lose the weight. But then I ended up losing all my grandparents and parents, and now I am officially the oldest person in my direct line. EXTREMELY SCARY when you are only 37. So my need to get healthy has started to take over. I don't want to just exist anymore, I want to live my life to the fullest and ultimately outlive those in my family that have gone before me. That means I need to lose the weight, lower my cholesterol, move away from being pre-diabetic, and just increasing my overall well-being.
So in December I started flirting with the idea of surgery. I say flirting because I was in no way committed to the idea. I was very scared of the life altering change it is. So I flirted with it and started the doctor monitored weight loss program. I have tried all the fad weight loss programs over the years and none of them worked (that's why I'm here now). So if a fad doesn't work, why diet? Instead I changed my habits. I went to the consultation in December and receive the list of lifestyle changes that I would be making if I went through with the surgery. Now I had my starting point. If I can make all of these changes and do it on my own, why would I need surgery? So I moved forward thinking, "I will use the knowledge that all of you have been given and just skip the surgical step." Sounds great right? It was, but I wasn't being fully honest with myself.
I quit smoking over a year ago and that was the only thing on the list that I could say was already complete. So first I gave up my life sustaining Mountain Dew. I have now been six months caffeine free and have felt a huge improvement in my health just from that. I had no clue that I had been dehydrated for the first 37 years of my life! Water really is amazing lol. I then added protein into my breakfast, then fruit. I switched up my lunches so they were healthier and then added veggies to the mix (I'm a very picky eater and the thought of fruits and veggies just turned my stomach... but that had to change). I started walking daily which has now switched to working out and building muscle strength. I have adjusted my dinners so that I can make it healthy, and then add in pasta or unhealthy ingredients to make my family happy without cooking two separate meals. (I should mention my family is my sister and her husband. It has been a challenge to make meals that we can all enjoy without having to cook multiple meals for all involved). Since December, making all of these changes in my habits have resulted in a loss of 40 pounds! I am over the moon that I was able to accomplish this, but I have been holding steady for the past three months. Not gaining, not losing.
So I ended the 6 month doctor monitored weight loss program and made the appointment for my psych evaluation. At this point, I had now made the decision that I was going to do the surgery, but wasn't sure I really wanted to do the gastric bypass. Why not the sleeve? It is less severe in my mind. I should be able to eat what I want within reason and not have to give up some of the foods I love most. My mind was giving me a not so drastic out. And I let myself go on believing that it would be fine to allow myself to switch to this surgery so that I could resume my current life in the future. So last Friday, my surgeons office sent in the paperwork to my insurance company for pre-approval.
Thursday, I received an email from my insurance company that my care approval had been approved. What? I was told it would take about 6 weeks! I called the insurance company and they let me know it had simply been received and they were starting the review process. But in the hour or so I had between receiving the email and making the call (I was at work), I had a serious conversation with myself. And I realized I had been hiding. My fear of change was holding me back. If I want to see and feel a drastic change in my health, I need to make a drastic change. I don't need an "out". I can do whatever I set my mind to and the gastric bypass is it. I could feel it in my bones that this is the step I needed to take and hiding wasn't an option any more. I had never felt such absolute certainty with a decision as I did in that moment. And I was able to relax for the first time in years.
Last night I received a call from the dedicated nurse assigned to me at my insurance company who let me know I was approved for surgery! The information she gave me said my surgery date is set for Aug 19 (although I know that is subject to change depending on pre-op testing and everything else). But it is here and now I am more committed than ever! I know I will not have this moment of positivity through the rest of this life changing event, but I am grateful for this moment while I have it. That is part of the reason this post is so long because I want to be able to look back on this when I am in my low points during this change and remember why I am making this decision.
Thank you for reading about my story and taking an interest. I look forward to getting to know all of you as time goes on and hopefully being able to share my wisdom with others that come behind me as you all currently do. At the moment I don't have questions coming to mind but I am sure to ask many and have rants and tirades along the way but also success and feelings of joy. I can't wait to share them all with whoever wants to listen andI I look forward to reading about other's journeys as well.
I first took notice of the gastric bypass surgery about eight years ago. My family was more judgemental back then and I just didn't feel the support I wanted. So I brushed the thought of surgery aside and kept going with my life as it was. I have been overweight since at least middle school and was lucky. Not many people made me feel bad about myself, but I would receive the comments from grandparents and step parents commenting on my weight. Because of that, I have come to love myself as I am but of course always have deeply wished I could lose the weight. But then I ended up losing all my grandparents and parents, and now I am officially the oldest person in my direct line. EXTREMELY SCARY when you are only 37. So my need to get healthy has started to take over. I don't want to just exist anymore, I want to live my life to the fullest and ultimately outlive those in my family that have gone before me. That means I need to lose the weight, lower my cholesterol, move away from being pre-diabetic, and just increasing my overall well-being.
So in December I started flirting with the idea of surgery. I say flirting because I was in no way committed to the idea. I was very scared of the life altering change it is. So I flirted with it and started the doctor monitored weight loss program. I have tried all the fad weight loss programs over the years and none of them worked (that's why I'm here now). So if a fad doesn't work, why diet? Instead I changed my habits. I went to the consultation in December and receive the list of lifestyle changes that I would be making if I went through with the surgery. Now I had my starting point. If I can make all of these changes and do it on my own, why would I need surgery? So I moved forward thinking, "I will use the knowledge that all of you have been given and just skip the surgical step." Sounds great right? It was, but I wasn't being fully honest with myself.
I quit smoking over a year ago and that was the only thing on the list that I could say was already complete. So first I gave up my life sustaining Mountain Dew. I have now been six months caffeine free and have felt a huge improvement in my health just from that. I had no clue that I had been dehydrated for the first 37 years of my life! Water really is amazing lol. I then added protein into my breakfast, then fruit. I switched up my lunches so they were healthier and then added veggies to the mix (I'm a very picky eater and the thought of fruits and veggies just turned my stomach... but that had to change). I started walking daily which has now switched to working out and building muscle strength. I have adjusted my dinners so that I can make it healthy, and then add in pasta or unhealthy ingredients to make my family happy without cooking two separate meals. (I should mention my family is my sister and her husband. It has been a challenge to make meals that we can all enjoy without having to cook multiple meals for all involved). Since December, making all of these changes in my habits have resulted in a loss of 40 pounds! I am over the moon that I was able to accomplish this, but I have been holding steady for the past three months. Not gaining, not losing.
So I ended the 6 month doctor monitored weight loss program and made the appointment for my psych evaluation. At this point, I had now made the decision that I was going to do the surgery, but wasn't sure I really wanted to do the gastric bypass. Why not the sleeve? It is less severe in my mind. I should be able to eat what I want within reason and not have to give up some of the foods I love most. My mind was giving me a not so drastic out. And I let myself go on believing that it would be fine to allow myself to switch to this surgery so that I could resume my current life in the future. So last Friday, my surgeons office sent in the paperwork to my insurance company for pre-approval.
Thursday, I received an email from my insurance company that my care approval had been approved. What? I was told it would take about 6 weeks! I called the insurance company and they let me know it had simply been received and they were starting the review process. But in the hour or so I had between receiving the email and making the call (I was at work), I had a serious conversation with myself. And I realized I had been hiding. My fear of change was holding me back. If I want to see and feel a drastic change in my health, I need to make a drastic change. I don't need an "out". I can do whatever I set my mind to and the gastric bypass is it. I could feel it in my bones that this is the step I needed to take and hiding wasn't an option any more. I had never felt such absolute certainty with a decision as I did in that moment. And I was able to relax for the first time in years.
Last night I received a call from the dedicated nurse assigned to me at my insurance company who let me know I was approved for surgery! The information she gave me said my surgery date is set for Aug 19 (although I know that is subject to change depending on pre-op testing and everything else). But it is here and now I am more committed than ever! I know I will not have this moment of positivity through the rest of this life changing event, but I am grateful for this moment while I have it. That is part of the reason this post is so long because I want to be able to look back on this when I am in my low points during this change and remember why I am making this decision.
Thank you for reading about my story and taking an interest. I look forward to getting to know all of you as time goes on and hopefully being able to share my wisdom with others that come behind me as you all currently do. At the moment I don't have questions coming to mind but I am sure to ask many and have rants and tirades along the way but also success and feelings of joy. I can't wait to share them all with whoever wants to listen andI I look forward to reading about other's journeys as well.
