Thank you so much for your courage to talk about this. I did the same, I gained weight in order for my brother of all people to leave me alone. I left home and was married by age 15. In another post here I mentioned that I was in a psychiatric unit for a little over 3 months when I was 14. I landed there because I ran away from home to escape my brother. I was on the road hitch hiking for 2 months. And I ran right into 2 men who were just like him. When I came home I was put into a lock up center and then moved to a psychiatric ward in Washington DC. I was there about a week when during a group therapy session I lashed out at a boy making fun of a girl who had been molested by her father and at the end of my rant I said it's not her fault!! Just like it's not my fault my brother did it to me... That kept me from being allowed to go home. I was moved to another hospital in my home town. There I stayed a little over 3 months.
He had to move out before I was allowed back home. (1987)
When I got married we moved to Georgia, over 700 miles from Maryland where my family was. We moved back to Maryland in 2000. I missed my momma and daddy and my other siblings. ( I was the baby of 6)
I decided I could forgive my brother and accepted a BBQ invite to his home by his wife with my son's in tow. My husband was working over the road as a truck driver unable to attend. He tried again! The moment he got me alone for an instant he tried talking me into it said it would be beautiful.... I left.
I gained a lot of weight after that I was put on meds because I had a breakdown.
We moved away again bk to Georgia and I lost the weight. I went back to Maryland to take care of my momma her final 3 months of life and he tried again. I left my momma 1 week before she died because of him. But I had an amazingly beautiful good-bye from her.
I came to the conclusion that my brother was also a victim. When we were young my father was a very abusive man. My brother started with me around age 5. I found out from my one sister he tried with her once but she punched him and said try it and die. So I guess that's when he went to me. He needed to feel some kind of control over something anything. When your father punches you in the face there's not much control you have there as a 14 year old boy. My father apologized to all of us kids however and became one of the most loving Father's ever.
During my time of trying to get him to pay for what he did I called the department of child protection on him because he had a daughter and 2 son's I was concerned for after his last attempt on me. They checked in on the family and a police officer called me. He told me that in cases of incest like this the one initiating it (my brother) their mind contorts and twists the feelings for the one they are abusing as love.
This information was the first step I needed in actually healing and being able to forgive him. I actually feel sorry for him. Everytime I pray, I pray for him. That even if he never admits it to anyone else, ( he calls me the crazy sister) that he will at least admit it to God and ask forgiveness.
I realize now that no matter how much I weigh, or how good I might or might not look doesn't matter to anyone who is looking to control someone else.
So I will not hurt myself or my family anymore by ending my life early, by letting myself to become so unhealthy that I hope no one will want me.
I love my family and myself and God to much to let that happen anymore.
Darlin you're gonna do amazing.
Because you are amazing. Don't forget that.
