May gets Healthy
Member
I weigh over 600 pounds, and when I told my mom and my sister I'm looking to have Surgery they said I'm taken the easy way out to lose weight, it upset me what can I do to get them to support me
People said taken easy way out
- Thread starter May gets Healthy
- Start date
Kathi_S
Member
Bring them to your appointments with your bariatric team. Let them hear first hand all of the lifetime changes you are going to have to make.
Going with me to my appointments changed how my husband felt about bariatric surgery. He still wasn't thrilled about me having it, but he definitely didn't think it was going to be easy. He actually worried it would be too hard.
Some people may not ever change how they feel about WLS. You cannot control how other people feel, only how you react to them. Remember, you are doing this for you. They might not be your best source for support. Unfortunately, family members are not always as supportive as we'd like them to be, so we need to look outward for our support system.
This group helps me, I also have friends and neighbors as well as a therapist that I talk to weekly.
I hope your mom and sister come around.
Going with me to my appointments changed how my husband felt about bariatric surgery. He still wasn't thrilled about me having it, but he definitely didn't think it was going to be easy. He actually worried it would be too hard.
Some people may not ever change how they feel about WLS. You cannot control how other people feel, only how you react to them. Remember, you are doing this for you. They might not be your best source for support. Unfortunately, family members are not always as supportive as we'd like them to be, so we need to look outward for our support system.
This group helps me, I also have friends and neighbors as well as a therapist that I talk to weekly.
I hope your mom and sister come around.
3momchaos
Member
They need to realize that at your weight, or even weights less than yours, weight loss success and long term results are extremely difficult to attain. This is not an easy way out. Do they even know what’s involved? Are they both at good weights? I guess I mean do you think they’re reacting like this because of jealousy or control issues? That’s how some members of support systems react when someone is trying to take charge of their life and health. Here’s an interesting study based on the “easy way out” opinion. One of the biggest take seats I got from reading it is reframing from easy way out to the healthy way out. This is a way out of obesity and chronic illnesses. https://bariatrictimes.com/healthy-way-out-march-2018/
JudyNY
Member
I am so sorry they aren't supportive of you for taking this step to better your health. Sometimes it comes from their fear of you having surgery. Kathi had a good idea about including them in appointments or if your bariatric center has an information seminar, that would be good too.
Perhaps they need to realize that this isn't a magic fix, there is a lot of work involved. But having a tool to help you achieve weight loss gives you better chance of success.
Hopefully they will come around in time. Please know we are here to support you, so reach out to us as much as you want or need. So many of us have dealt with non-supportive friends or relatives so you will get lots of support here.
Perhaps they need to realize that this isn't a magic fix, there is a lot of work involved. But having a tool to help you achieve weight loss gives you better chance of success.
Hopefully they will come around in time. Please know we are here to support you, so reach out to us as much as you want or need. So many of us have dealt with non-supportive friends or relatives so you will get lots of support here.
dianeseattle
Member
Let me guess: they're carrying a few extra pounds and are the queens of the potluck.
The only people who talked like this were the obese members of my family. I posted a photo of them to another thread.
They won't support you. Your decision is threatening to them. "Why can't you just be happy like you are?" There's a salient cliche: "Misery loves company."
It's the same with alcoholics. Everyone drinks too much, too often, but they don't say that to each other, because if they did, they'd have to change. Change is hard, scary, painful.
So after I lost 115 pounds, only one of my sisters talked to me about it. The rest pretended they didn't notice. They STILL do.
missyinacage
Member
See if your program has a WLS seminar or find one on YouTube. I will be honest, I refused to take my husband to my appointments in the beginning because he was against it and I didn't feel he was in a place to actually hear what my doctor was saying anyway. That took time but he came around. And Diane is right. People do NOT like change. And for some reason, any improvement you make in your life can make others feel like failures. You are just starting out. Resistance is to be expected.
However, you are doing this for YOU; your health, your future. Do not let the opinion of others stop you. It doesn't matter if they think it's the easy way out. You know it's not. For most of us, it was our last hope. I compare it to breast cancer. Having your breast removed instead of going through radiation/chemo isn't the easy way out. It's just usually more effective. There is nothing wrong with effective. And in the end, it's your choice.
Just keep explaining what you're doing and why. No one who loves you wants you to live in misery. They'll come around. You just need patience and they need to listen with an open mind.
However, you are doing this for YOU; your health, your future. Do not let the opinion of others stop you. It doesn't matter if they think it's the easy way out. You know it's not. For most of us, it was our last hope. I compare it to breast cancer. Having your breast removed instead of going through radiation/chemo isn't the easy way out. It's just usually more effective. There is nothing wrong with effective. And in the end, it's your choice.
Just keep explaining what you're doing and why. No one who loves you wants you to live in misery. They'll come around. You just need patience and they need to listen with an open mind.
Thanks for sending this link. What an interesting study. I think almost all of us are somewhat careful about sharing our surgery stories with others. Who needs judgment from people who can't possibly know the mental & physical struggles we go through before starting this process, while waiting for approval, going through pre- & post-surgery requirements, and spending the rest of our lives maintaining our weight loss. Easy way out my foot!
dianeseattle
Member
Tell them to sign up for this group. That should do it.
dianeseattle
Member
BTW, oldest sister in yellow. Mom peeking out in blue, 2nd oldest in black on Mom's right. I'm on the far end in pink.
This is only a tiny section of my family, 18 pair of aunts/uncles, 70 first cousins. I can't remember most of their names, but my dad's side is very clannish and we have a monthly email blast. We need to rent a hall to have a reunion. Before the pandemic we met monthly in the banquet room at a Denny's.
JudyNY
Member
WazzuCoug
Member
It's difficult to get anyone on board when they go in with preconceived notions that people can just lose the weight if they put their mind to it. I felt the same way years ago until I really started learning why most diets fail and why it is so difficult to keep weight off once you are obese. We are battling hormones and body functions that just increase in intensity when we lose weight. It's possible that no matter what information you share, they may not understand, but you will need to do what's right for you.
Ask them if they had a different disease, any disease, that was threatening their life, and they had to choose between two options: 1. take a "natural" path with a less than 10% chance of success, or 2. take "easy" path with a 90% success rate? Would they choose the "natural" path or the "easy path? If you are fighting for your life, why on earth wouldn't you choose the path that has a higher rate of success?
I'm not saying weight loss surgery is "easy" because it isn't, but it provides a more effective and distinct advantage over trying to diet. This is about saving and extending your life!
Here are a couple of Reddit Articles you can share about why diets fail and why the surgery works. It may or may not help them understand to know what's really going on inside people's bodies when they are obese. The people who are successful with diet and exercise, for the long term, are unicorns. It's very, very rare.
Do what's right for you. I expect when you lose the weight and get healthier, they will be grateful no matter how you got there.
I just found these 2 articles. Thanks for posting them. They contain the right info at the right time for me.