Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here (I believe it was at my one year anniversary). I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, and from outward appearances I have had success, and yet on the eve of what should be a celebration, I feel disappointment in myself.
To get some stats out of the way, my highest weight was 425, surgery day was July 6, 2020 and I clocked in around 342 and my lowest weight was two weeks ago when I left the 30’s for BMI and weighed 179. I’ve since hovered between 179-181 and struggle to keep getting the holiday weight down.
I’m so grateful for the surgery; I know now I could have never done it without it. I’m disappointed that I haven’t changed my mindset as much as I had hoped. When I started this journey, I had an unsupportive boyfriend who hated the idea of surgery; it ultimately lead to the end of our relationship. I took the opportunity to focus again on myself, and I was doing well. I had moved to a new state to try to make our relationship work, and when it didn’t, it was just me out here alone. For a while it was nice because there were no social eating temptations and I only kept healthy foods in the house. I started a new relationship 7 months ago and I’ve struggled with social eating ever since. In the beginning, I just wanted to feel normal; to be able to go out on a date and eat a meal. By our second date, I couldn’t eat more than 2 bites and came clean about the surgery. My fiancée (engaged as of 3 weeks ago ☺) has been and continues to be very supportive. He doesn’t try to get me to make bad food choices, but temptation is around all the time now. I went from living alone and only having my healthy food around me to having tons of extra food in the house all the time. What complicates things more is his brother hasn’t moved out yet and he enjoys cooking every night and baking weekly. It’s not realistic to ask them to rid the house of any bad food, but I am miserably failing at navigating my new life. I haven’t gained weight, but from no efforts on my own. The surgery is saving me and even now I stay awake worried I’m stretching my pouch out. Everyone in the house committed to a healthier January and we all started tracking again. I am having troubles with cravings but trying to hide it since I should be the one with all this willpower. I worry I will forever have the “fat girl” mentality and everything will be a struggle.
I have so much to be grateful for, I feel guilty to even complain. I have much better health, I feel fairly good, I discovered I love biking, I had arm surgery in September to remove loose skin and my fiancée took care of me every step of the way.
I guess in my long winded rant I’m trying to ask, do you ever truly fight and win over your demons?? Will I always struggle with social eating? Do things get easier??
To get some stats out of the way, my highest weight was 425, surgery day was July 6, 2020 and I clocked in around 342 and my lowest weight was two weeks ago when I left the 30’s for BMI and weighed 179. I’ve since hovered between 179-181 and struggle to keep getting the holiday weight down.
I’m so grateful for the surgery; I know now I could have never done it without it. I’m disappointed that I haven’t changed my mindset as much as I had hoped. When I started this journey, I had an unsupportive boyfriend who hated the idea of surgery; it ultimately lead to the end of our relationship. I took the opportunity to focus again on myself, and I was doing well. I had moved to a new state to try to make our relationship work, and when it didn’t, it was just me out here alone. For a while it was nice because there were no social eating temptations and I only kept healthy foods in the house. I started a new relationship 7 months ago and I’ve struggled with social eating ever since. In the beginning, I just wanted to feel normal; to be able to go out on a date and eat a meal. By our second date, I couldn’t eat more than 2 bites and came clean about the surgery. My fiancée (engaged as of 3 weeks ago ☺) has been and continues to be very supportive. He doesn’t try to get me to make bad food choices, but temptation is around all the time now. I went from living alone and only having my healthy food around me to having tons of extra food in the house all the time. What complicates things more is his brother hasn’t moved out yet and he enjoys cooking every night and baking weekly. It’s not realistic to ask them to rid the house of any bad food, but I am miserably failing at navigating my new life. I haven’t gained weight, but from no efforts on my own. The surgery is saving me and even now I stay awake worried I’m stretching my pouch out. Everyone in the house committed to a healthier January and we all started tracking again. I am having troubles with cravings but trying to hide it since I should be the one with all this willpower. I worry I will forever have the “fat girl” mentality and everything will be a struggle.
I have so much to be grateful for, I feel guilty to even complain. I have much better health, I feel fairly good, I discovered I love biking, I had arm surgery in September to remove loose skin and my fiancée took care of me every step of the way.
I guess in my long winded rant I’m trying to ask, do you ever truly fight and win over your demons?? Will I always struggle with social eating? Do things get easier??
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