April 17th is the date. please read.. burning desire to give up.I feel unsupported by my clinical surgery staff :( feel like shutting down.

[kayshaee]

Has anyone experienced lack of staff support from your surgery team in this process?

I feel alone :'( like i am in over my head.
and I am second guessing the surgery office I chose.
but my surgery is in a week the 17th.
I thought I would have all my questions answered today.
I feel more confused.
and feel like quitting.
that this is not going to change anything
that I am not going to get the results I have seen others have.
I am breaking down..
I am doubting myself.


Just going to share what happened today and if anyone can give advice or
simply acknowledge me and that this happens to more people and not just me


I had my pre op appointment today, I went in with a list of questions.
I left super frustrated and confused


this process has been really confusing for me. in the beginning I remember being so confused and did what they suggested
which was 12 appointments with a pa. doctor.
she has been the most supportive. However, we didn't talk much about the surgery itself because she was not
a bariatric doctor.

I would call the surgeon nurse line and they would sound so irritated that I was asking questions and would refer me to my paperwork
but that's what I was calling about that I was CONFUSED it was not making sense to me.

I have had so much anxiety leading up to this appointment and told myself that I would have clarity after this appointment.
I feel like i have more questions now rather than before.

I only met with my surgeon once in a year and that was at the beginning.
The nursing staff on his team have not been helpful at all, if anything they made it worse.

I have a lot more fear, and I dont feel supported by this staff and my surgery date is in a WEEK.
so its like????
I am so close but I'm scared more of the staff not supporting me.

They make it seem like I'm not a person with feelings.


I'm just going to share a little my experience today because I feel mind-fucked honestly.

I have had this thought in my mind that I had a choice for sleeve or bypass. that's what my surgeon said my first appointment. he also asked how much i wanted to lose- and I said i would be happy to be down ehhh like 180. and he was like ok well what is your DREAM weight.
and i said it seems to far for me to even dream about.
and he said just shoot me your number.

i said 150.

he said "oh EASY"
with the bypass I could get there.
so gives me a high dose of hope.

TODAY--

My appointment was at 3:30pm- arrive by 3:15
I live a hour away right.

They call me at 1.
" Can you come in 2:30-2:45, it snowed... blah blah.. we want to go home early.
the appointment wont take long."
me-
"well we live a hour away, and we would have to leave soon soon to make it but we will try.
she said okay well call if you cant"

So we are on the road at 2:10
looked up the address in my portal and saw the appointment was changed to 230 arrive by 215.
I call and im like "hey your office asked me to come in early instead of 3:30 im calling to let you know we can be there at 2:45-50"
she said " oh nooo worries that will be only 5 mintues late and we could work with it.
me- "No I am not late- im early."

She said "oh no worries its fine that you get here then"

like WHAT,
I get there dont even sit down- rushed to the room
the ma or whatever comes in with us and right off the bat pulls out a paper and reads over it in like 1 minute.
I said woah woah, what are you saying i dont know what that means.
she keeps talking
I said can I look at this paper she shows it to me i look at it for 5 seconds and she takes it

im like ?????
she said im giving this to the surgeon.
and walks out fast.
didnt even get this girls name

You guys I am so frusturated

The surgeon comes in
he asks me how i am ( thats a first since ive been there)

He then proceeds to talk..
and I say "I do have a lot of questions and I brought them in here I have a list of questions"

He says
"oh okay let me tell you my shpeal.. first"

he talks for 30 minutes and would not let me say anything during his speech.
and it is word.for.word. what he said in the first appointment.

I finally was able to squeeze in the question of which surgery he suggests i get
and hes like oh of course the sleeve that seems healthier for you because you smoked before
and i said well no I vape
-no answer
he already knew this in the beginning, and he first suggested the bypass.

So all of this time (months over this year) I spent contemplating which surgery to get.
when, all this time I did not have a choice.

Like why didnt he tell me this right off the fucking bat.

I then ask him, okay with the sleeve do you think i could hit my goal weight- 150.
he said no. straight up no.
and that I could maybe maybe get to 200.
im 260.

like what
he said i could get to 150 in our first appointment.
-bullshit- gave me all this hope just to tell me that im going to go through this invasive surgery that i have spent a year of my life planning to "maybe lose 60 pounds"

I mean its better then nothing.. but damn. I hear everyone lose more. I had a friend that was 340
down to 170 with the sleeve in 8 months.
he said well shes a a+ student.



I am stressed beyond words yall.
I am so close to my surgery date but don't feel supporhted by the staff.
the surgeon is experienced and feels safe and calm. which I liked.
but it just is throwing me off
how rushed these appointments have been and I feel like I don't matter and I am just 1 of thousands of people that get this
it seems like its just money to them
but this is my life.

:'(

I also want to drink.. so bad. because of this stress.
but haven't drank in 2 months

I don't even know what to do next-
supposobly I have a phone consult?
dont know when
and that I need to get labs
They didn't give me any paperwork or location or remind me of an appointment.
when I asked the reception they said they dont know and they were trying to leave.
then I used the restroom started walking out
and they were talking shit about me..
saying something like if only she came sooner..
like?

I was here early. a thank you would be the only thing you need to say-
you would still be here if I got here at 330. probably later???!!!
childish.

Has anyone experienced lack of staff support in this process?


I feel alone :'( like i am in over my head.


I'm so scared..

Thanks for listening to my vent session.

 

[missyinacage]

I know this advice comes a little late but Do. Your. Own. Research. There are a million videos on what to expect before, during and after weight loss surgery. Start at any major, respected hospital/clinics website. (Mayo, Cleveland, U of C etc)

Bypass patients can expect to lose between 60 and 80% of their excess weight in 12-18 months.
Sleeve results are 60-70%, same time frame.
Check online for your "healthy" weight range. And then do the math.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get informed. You're going to need to know how to care for yourself, what to eat, how to eat, what complications may arise. Never depend solely on what your Dr. tells you. Some of them are whacked!! Lol My rule of thumb is if someone is making money off me, I double check ALL info. Bariatric surgeries are big business. And success takes a lot of work. And that work should start as soon as you decide to consider surgery.

 

[Karen D]

Has anyone experienced lack of staff support from your surgery team in this process?

I feel alone :'( like i am in over my head.
and I am second guessing the surgery office I chose.
but my surgery is in a week the 17th.
I thought I would have all my questions answered today.
I feel more confused.
and feel like quitting.
that this is not going to change anything
that I am not going to get the results I have seen others have.
I am breaking down..
I am doubting myself.


Just going to share what happened today and if anyone can give advice or
simply acknowledge me and that this happens to more people and not just me


I had my pre op appointment today, I went in with a list of questions.
I left super frustrated and confused


this process has been really confusing for me. in the beginning I remember being so confused and did what they suggested
which was 12 appointments with a pa. doctor.
she has been the most supportive. However, we didn't talk much about the surgery itself because she was not
a bariatric doctor.

I would call the surgeon nurse line and they would sound so irritated that I was asking questions and would refer me to my paperwork
but that's what I was calling about that I was CONFUSED it was not making sense to me.

I have had so much anxiety leading up to this appointment and told myself that I would have clarity after this appointment.
I feel like i have more questions now rather than before.

I only met with my surgeon once in a year and that was at the beginning.
The nursing staff on his team have not been helpful at all, if anything they made it worse.

I have a lot more fear, and I dont feel supported by this staff and my surgery date is in a WEEK.
so its like????
I am so close but I'm scared more of the staff not supporting me.

They make it seem like I'm not a person with feelings.


I'm just going to share a little my experience today because I feel mind-fucked honestly.

I have had this thought in my mind that I had a choice for sleeve or bypass. that's what my surgeon said my first appointment. he also asked how much i wanted to lose- and I said i would be happy to be down ehhh like 180. and he was like ok well what is your DREAM weight.
and i said it seems to far for me to even dream about.
and he said just shoot me your number.

i said 150.

he said "oh EASY"
with the bypass I could get there.
so gives me a high dose of hope.

TODAY--

My appointment was at 3:30pm- arrive by 3:15
I live a hour away right.

They call me at 1.
" Can you come in 2:30-2:45, it snowed... blah blah.. we want to go home early.
the appointment wont take long."
me-
"well we live a hour away, and we would have to leave soon soon to make it but we will try.
she said okay well call if you cant"

So we are on the road at 2:10
looked up the address in my portal and saw the appointment was changed to 230 arrive by 215.
I call and im like "hey your office asked me to come in early instead of 3:30 im calling to let you know we can be there at 2:45-50"
she said " oh nooo worries that will be only 5 mintues late and we could work with it.
me- "No I am not late- im early."

She said "oh no worries its fine that you get here then"

like WHAT,
I get there dont even sit down- rushed to the room
the ma or whatever comes in with us and right off the bat pulls out a paper and reads over it in like 1 minute.
I said woah woah, what are you saying i dont know what that means.
she keeps talking
I said can I look at this paper she shows it to me i look at it for 5 seconds and she takes it

im like ?????
she said im giving this to the surgeon.
and walks out fast.
didnt even get this girls name

You guys I am so frusturated

The surgeon comes in
he asks me how i am ( thats a first since ive been there)

He then proceeds to talk..
and I say "I do have a lot of questions and I brought them in here I have a list of questions"

He says
"oh okay let me tell you my shpeal.. first"

he talks for 30 minutes and would not let me say anything during his speech.
and it is word.for.word. what he said in the first appointment.

I finally was able to squeeze in the question of which surgery he suggests i get
and hes like oh of course the sleeve that seems healthier for you because you smoked before
and i said well no I vape
-no answer
he already knew this in the beginning, and he first suggested the bypass.

So all of this time (months over this year) I spent contemplating which surgery to get.
when, all this time I did not have a choice.

Like why didnt he tell me this right off the fucking bat.

I then ask him, okay with the sleeve do you think i could hit my goal weight- 150.
he said no. straight up no.
and that I could maybe maybe get to 200.
im 260.

like what
he said i could get to 150 in our first appointment.
-bullshit- gave me all this hope just to tell me that im going to go through this invasive surgery that i have spent a year of my life planning to "maybe lose 60 pounds"

I mean its better then nothing.. but damn. I hear everyone lose more. I had a friend that was 340
down to 170 with the sleeve in 8 months.
he said well shes a a+ student.



I am stressed beyond words yall.
I am so close to my surgery date but don't feel supporhted by the staff.
the surgeon is experienced and feels safe and calm. which I liked.
but it just is throwing me off
how rushed these appointments have been and I feel like I don't matter and I am just 1 of thousands of people that get this
it seems like its just money to them
but this is my life.

:'(

I also want to drink.. so bad. because of this stress.
but haven't drank in 2 months

I don't even know what to do next-
supposobly I have a phone consult?
dont know when
and that I need to get labs
They didn't give me any paperwork or location or remind me of an appointment.
when I asked the reception they said they dont know and they were trying to leave.
then I used the restroom started walking out
and they were talking shit about me..
saying something like if only she came sooner..
like?

I was here early. a thank you would be the only thing you need to say-
you would still be here if I got here at 330. probably later???!!!
childish.

Has anyone experienced lack of staff support in this process?


I feel alone :'( like i am in over my head.


I'm so scared..

Thanks for listening to my vent session.

I

 

[Karen D]

Im sorry you have had to go through this. When i first started the process I thought I wanted the sleeve. I did a lot of research, watched you tube videos on Bariatric surgery which was very helpful. I then talked to my dr who said it was my decision but thought the bi pass would be more effective for me and my weight loss. I also talked to my cardiologist and gp and they also said the same. This site has been amazing and helpful. People are so kind on here. I would say if you can get your answers elsewhere and make a decision you are comfortable with.

 

[kayshaee]

Im sorry you have had to go through this. When i first started the process I thought I wanted the sleeve. I did a lot of research, watched you tube videos on Bariatric surgery which was very helpful. I then talked to my dr who said it was my decision but thought the bi pass would be more effective for me and my weight loss. I also talked to my cardiologist and gp and they also said the same. This site has been amazing and helpful. People are so kind on here. I would say if you can get your answers elsewhere and make a decision you are comfortable with.

thank you for your response <3
Unfortunetly I thought it was my decision as well at least thats what he said at first and my last appointment (yesterday) he said
he is doing the sleeve and I would maybe get to 200
I did a lot of research and was leaning towards the bypass but now I don't have a choice
and the only reason when i asked why the sleeve he said because i "smoke" but in reality I have vaped and at our
first appointment he said vaping was fine and he can do the bypass which would be more successful.
now he made the decision of the sleeve without any other explanation he said that there were no problems or health issues or concerns.
so I dont know why I cant choose the bypass.
I feel defeated

 

[kayshaee]

I know this advice comes a little late but Do. Your. Own. Research. There are a million videos on what to expect before, during and after weight loss surgery. Start at any major, respected hospital/clinics website. (Mayo, Cleveland, U of C etc)

Bypass patients can expect to lose between 60 and 80% of their excess weight in 12-18 months.
Sleeve results are 60-70%, same time frame.
Check online for your "healthy" weight range. And then do the math.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to get informed. You're going to need to know how to care for yourself, what to eat, how to eat, what complications may arise. Never depend solely on what your Dr. tells you. Some of them are whacked!! Lol My rule of thumb is if someone is making money off me, I double check ALL info. Bariatric surgeries are big business. And success takes a lot of work. And that work should start as soon as you decide to consider surgery.

Thank you so much I did do a lot of research on both and was leaning towards bypass and
the decision was made by him for the sleeve with not a lot of explanation.
he also said the most I could lose would be from 260- 200.
Which I have been 150 before and that is a healthy weight for my height and what not but he was discouraging saying that I would
only be 200 at the lowest.
I told him I have a friend that recently did the sleeve she was 340 and went down to 175 in 8 months.
so I just felt like it would not be possible for me to get under 200
he said because of "biology" and I am thicker boned genetically? that is the weight I should be..
but i really do not feel like that is true, even when I was 200 before I was considered morbidly obese.
150 at least would be the healthy weight for me.

feeling defeated
but I do appreciate your support

 

[dianeseattle]

I hear a lot of anxiety and confusion in your words. It sounds like you're bouncing around like a pinball from one TILT to another. I say this with real affection. Slow down. Relax. You're awfulizing about future events without the benefit of a crystal ball.

That bottom weight of 200 is simply not true. You don't have to take my word for it. Search the group using numbers like 200, 190, 185, 140 110, etc. You'll find dozens, perhaps hundreds of stories of people who were very happy with their weight loss with the sleeve. I had RYGB and from what I can tell, the results are faster and perhaps more dramatic because of the speed. But over time, the end results are comparable.

That being said, let me say this: you are dealing with the wrong doctor. You're clashing and your perceptions are opposite of each other. Whether its the doc's fault or yours, doesn't matter. You need to have clear communication.

If this is the only doctor you can choose, get everything in writing and go through those bullet points together and check them off so there's no confusion.

As to smoking vs. vaping, it's the same thing. If you take some kind of depressant like smoke with tar in it and inhale it into your lungs, you're doing a lot of damage on these fragile structures. I love to smoke and sometimes I do have a cigarette, but I will never smoke on a regular basis again. And your doctor was trying to tell you that the damages you have from vaping are as bad as if you were smoking cigarettes. You'd also find damage like this if you lived in a smoggy city. It's carbon monoxide and it's an element of sidestream smoke and air pollution. Your lungs are like lovely lace curtains that should be cared for. People who smoke or vape are doing tremendous damage to these fragile organs. And the effect of smoking anything that damages the lungs doesn't stop there. There is a ripple effect because that damage is carried by oxygen into arteries and organs in a loop, all through your body.

I wonder if you're really ready for the surgery. You really sound hesitant and a little nervous.

But don't ask us and then feel reassured that some of us have similar experiences to your. If you are going to go back to the surgery, go back to Square One and move ahead, making notes, keeping a journal, writing down everything you eat, avoiding trigger foods and including affirmations to assuage your fears.

Please read the first third of this skinny book, The Only Diet There Is. I've recommended it dozens of times and it really helped me, many years before I even considered RYGB. it's only as a pdf file so you dont even have tobuy it.

We have so many little personality quirks that are strengthened by the fears and questions as we approach a life change. But aside from the fact that my surgery predated laparsopy, My recovery was normal and I'd lost 75 pounds in the first 3 months. I lost a total of 115 in 14 months.

I would choose between vaping and surgery. What do you want more than the other? I grew up in the Sixties and did all the drugs that were available to me. Then I quit and never did drugs again it was the right case for me You may have to give some things up to have something else.

If you allow other people to ifluence your choices, you may never get what you want. Make your problem smaller, manageable and claim it as yours. Only you can help you.