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baking bread

dianeseattle

dianeseattle

Member
I have been immobilized lately because of depression and fear. I've been so depressed, I haven't even been able to buy a loaf of bread. My car broke down and the repair is probably going to be expensive oh, but I don't even know what's wrong with it yet. I only know it's electrical. And I cannot afford to hire a mechanic so I'm going to be doing work myself.

I strongly suspect it is the ignition but it's really hard to tell and the main screw to remove the ignition housing is directly behind the steering wheel and there is no access to it head on. I may have to remove it with a pair of pliers, or buy a screwdriver that is bent at a 90 degree angle.

If it's not the ignition, it's either the starter or the alternator. Each of those items cost money and the repairs are tedious, but not difficult. And in this era of YouTube, anybody can be their own mechanic.

So I'm too lazy to go out and get on the bus and haul my little shopping cart and walk to the store from the bus stop in order to buy a loaf of bread. But I did bake a loaf of bread a couple weeks ago and it was incredibly good so today I am baking another loaf but I made enough dough for two. I'll freeze one and bake it next week or week after.

So this one's for me:

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Wow, Diane! You fix your own car and bake your own bread? You are never allowed to call yourself lazy again. EVER!!! I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling so down. I hope things begin to improve for you. I see you on here, most days, offering everyone encouragement and support. Remember to be as kind to yourself. <3
 
Thank you Missy! been feeling very isolated and today I decided that I was going to reach out to one of my sisters and to my son and reaching out to them included staying in my own space and not violating theirs' and not letting them violate mine and just see how things went. And both phone calls were extremely profitable, especially the one with my sister. Family issues have driven me away from them entirely. I would say I took the geographic cure but I've been living in Seattle for most of my life and for more than 25 years at this point in my last migration. They all live in this hick town in central Washington and we just couldn't be less interested in the same things. But I was so glad I made those phone calls. My spirits have been lifted officially.

As to mechanics, I've been working on cars since I was 15 years old and next week I'll be 69. I got into it because my older sister was doing it in order to attract boys. So I just hung around and watched what she did and sure enough the men came like bees to honey. But it turned out that I had a high mechanical aptitude so I ended up putting myself through college doing tune-ups and rebuilding carburetors and fuel pumps. I even rebuilt 6 engines (with help!). It's not my favorite thing in the world but it is great not to be bamboozled by some guy who thinks that women don't know anything about cars.

And baking bread is super easy. It's so easy I don't know why I don't do it all the time. And it tastes so much better than the bread you can buy in the store. I have attached photos of the big fat loaf I made today. I have another loaf's worth of dough in the freezer so I'll bake that in a few weeks.

On Sunday, with masks and gloves, my son and I will be meeting at the local farmers market. It will be the first time we've socialized in eight months. Today I told him that we can't just keep having these stupid fights. I said we need to act more like a regular family, even though we didn't get the opportunity to live like a regular family. He agreed and said he would like to spend some time with me. I am very happy about that.

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Diane, that bread looks amazing. I am also glad that you spoke to your sister and are meeting with your son. I have a grown son myself and while we don't necessarily argue, we are not as close as I would like for us to be. Even though he lives here in town lol I'm glad you made the effort. Sometimes it's hard to always be the one reaching out, but it's beneficial not only to you, but to him as well. (At least that's what I remind myself of every 2 weeks when I'm like HELLO CHILD! ) I hope you have a great time at the farmers market and can make some permanent repairs to your relationship with your son. It's never too late to become the family you want to be. I'm so happy for you.
 
diane, I am so glad that you reached out to your son and sister. Sometimes, the unknown reaction of the other person keeps us from reaching out. Enjoy, the Farmers Market with your son, hopefully it'll be the beginning of a long, loving relationship again. At least, if it goes well, you can make another date with him. Take care and enjoy your day!!
 
Thank you Mary, Roseanne and Missy. Why is it so hard to reach out sometimes? I just started feeling like, How come all this stuff is happening to me? What am I doing wrong? And the answer for me was, I was not taking control and responsibility. Sometimes if you don't give permission, you won't be treated badly. But sometimes we give permission by not saying anything or by withdrawing or by reacting with sadness or anger. I just decided not to communicate that way anymore. I am going to do what I want to do with my life and I'm going to invite some other people along with me. But if they don't want to participate that's okay. I'm still going to ask.

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Good luck tomorrow. Not to make light of this situation, but it reminds me of the saying--"if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger!!" All of us will be in your corner and wishing for the best tomorrow. Also, I think that I messed up that saying, but you get the message.
 
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