Countdown to Surgery Day

[RoxLynn21]

Good morning. I am 7 weeks out from surgery and dealing issues with what I thought was my support system. When I started this journey over a year ago, I was doing it in secret and handling everything myself. Once zi had crushed the milestones I needed to, I went to my sister for support. I explained why I was having it, what it was going to help with, and more importantly, I asked her to be my 'person' through this. I have obstructive sleep apnea and fatty liver disease. This isn't just a whim to go under the knife.

Well she initially agreed but as since February-ish, she is telling me I don't need it, I am doing fine on my own and it is a bad decision. She keeps talking to OTHER people about it and getting horror stories to convince me. I firmly believe it's jealousy and she is deflecting her own weight issues and not being able to lose it on to my success.

She did it again last night. I haven't been discussing it with her for about a month or so now. I asked her to come to support group meetings, I asked her to meet or sit with me when I had my surgical consult, she would do none of it. She said she would and then she would always be busy.

Anyone else have issues with their so-called support system to where you had to change to another person and stop discussing it with your family?

Thanks!
Rox

 

[3momchaos]

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. While I have not had that exact issue, I do have who has someone completely ignore the fact that I’ve had surgery, won’t acknowledge my success, and another who told me stories after my surgery of other people who’ve had problems post op. If I were in your shoes, I’d tell her that her lack of support for your well being is hurtful and if she chooses not to be there for your health, you don’t need her other than a ride to and from the hospital (if you even need that). But I’m also a very blunt person, and I know that I’m worth my health being the best it can and don’t tolerate other people being jealous because they have issues with themself.

 

[sharontx]

I am sorry you are experiencing this with your sister. I did not tell mine until the deed was done, I told her that her sister-in-law (who had the Sleeve one month after I did, same surgeon) said not to tell her because she would do what your sister is doing. She has been supportive post op (whew!).
Keep your ride to the hospital intact, I didn't have many ride options and that was hard on me mentally worrying what I was going to do. It all worked out.
Keep your spirits up, you need to since this is BIG (at least it was for me).
On the other hand, my coworkers have been super supportive and have encouraged me as I lose, complimenting me on my progress. It does feel nice when others start to notice, although most don't know how hard we work to get here. Certainly not the easy way out.
You are in the right place for support here too!

 

[missyinacage]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this, especially this close to your actual surgery date. In the beginning, my husband was totally against me having surgery. He even went so far as to attend one of the seminars so that he could "ask questions about my specific health issues". ( I would not let him come to my Dr. because I knew he would try to debate her to death!) And of course what he got out of the seminar was the list of possible complications and that they could not guarantee my health issues would improve. However, I had done my research and knew this was the best choice for me. So, I had to tell him in no uncertain terms, that my decision was already made. And instead of trying to talk me out of it, which was NOT going to happen, he might be better off spending his time actually finding out about the surgery and it's benefits. Or at the very least, keep his uninformed opinions to himself. So, he started actually looking into it. Even watching the (exact same) seminar on video. He finally came around and became excited for me.

The problem is the people in our lives cannot help but a) worry for our safety and b) think of how changes to our lives will affect their own. I'm sure your sister has heard horror stories about the surgery. We all have. People give the surgery all the blame when the outcome is not perfect and take all the credit when the outcome is success. When in reality, both failure and success are almost exclusively the result of our own behaviors. I'm also sure that she IS jealous and worried she'll be left behind or that you'll change.

You really need to let her know that you asked for "support" and that she's hurting you by withholding it. She should be finding out actual medical facts about the process AND giving you support by attending these appointments and such; but instead she is listening to secondhand stories about strangers to use against you. As if you aren't smart enough to inform yourself and make the best decision for your health. That's what worked for me anyway! Good luck.

 

[Roni]

I am glad I have chose this site as my main support system I have my husband and son who are not being negative but know people who have had procedures. No real horror stories. My three best friends who are not judging me. Thank goodness. I know of three people who found ways around the WLS. And that is why at first I was just thinking meds to control weight loss. It took me over a year to get on board for surgery, but I did. I am greatful I have two bariatric teams the VA, who contracted with the hospital where I had my surgery. So I have two teams. And I have the great people here. I feel blessed.