Taxman, do you remember the Br'er Rabbit story about the tarbaby? Br'er Fox was always trying to catch & eat Br'er Rabbit, so one day Br'er Rabbit made a scarecrow out of wads of black, sticky tar. Then he hid behind it until Br'er Fox came along. Br'er Rabbit made it seem like the tarbaby was talking to the fox, taunting him, challenging him, nah-nah-nah, you can't hit me! So of course, Br'er Fox started slugging the tarbaby, but in so doing, he got stuck to the thing. Soon he couldn't do anything but be a prisoner of his own anger, stuck to this piece of bait in the middle of a sweltering summer day.
So many people are tarbabies. If that weren't true, the fable never would have been written. It's an object lesson for us. If you have a tarbaby who's trying to make you mad so you lash out or otherwise fail, the smartest thing you can do is ignore it. I don't believe you should respond to your wife when she tries to undermine you. She is responsible for her own fate. Stop babysitting her and her diabetes.
You're the star of the house right now. Look what you did! You worked toward a very hard goal and you succeeded. And now, you're sledding toward your next goal, and that ride should fill you with joy and the satisfaction of accomplishment, not to mention better physical joy. You crushed it and why your wife is behaving this way is incomprehensible, though I suspect you know why. You've probably seen it before in her.
So when she starts, do something physical with your hand, like the touchdown sign, the anti-vampire cross or the palm-out talk-to-the-hand gesture. Stop her in her tracks. Then say, I love you, honey, but I do not like this person who's saying these things to me.
Say nothing more. Turn and leave. Then take a deep breath and do something good for yourself. Put on your jacket & go walk around the block.
Do this every time and she'll get the message. And at the same time, every time you stifle her cruelty, you should acknowledge the loving thing you just did for yourself. You may not feel happy right away, but in time, you will be proud, and your inner self will be grateful.
It's behavioral modification and sometimes it's our only choice, especially if, in the past, we used food for pleasure and to cloak our pain.
You don't deserve to be treated this way, and if you accept it, your depression will grow stronger. Don't get stuck on that tarbaby.
I'm sure you know about crisis lines, but do you know you can also call for help on a warmline? This exists in every state of the union and you can find yours by doing an internet search. Here's a list of some:
https://www.mhselfhelp.org/warmlines
You could make a strong statement to your spouse by simply dialing a warmline while she's harping at you. Don't respond to her. Dial the phone. You're not in crisis but you might need someone to listen to you at the very moment someone is trying to tear you down. That's what it's there for. Even if all you say is, Hey, my wife is just verbally abusing me and it's making me feel sick, your warmline connection will respond with, Tell me all about it, and will listen to you and reflect your feelings back to you, so you can see them & counter them with love.
Best of luck to you and everyone else here who suffers from depression. Just try to insert some positive input in-between the bouts of sadness or abuse. If it gets worse, dial the crisis line. Not only women suffer domestic abuse. Reach out for help & support.
