WazzuCoug
Member
This path post surgery isn't a cakewalk, is it? Many of us have demons to excise and there are so many emotions to deal with before and after the surgery.
I see so many posts in FB groups and support forums about how poorly people think they are doing. Someone on a FB group recently posted how upset they were because they "only" lost 50 lbs in the first four months and EVERYBODY was losing more than that. Instead of celebrating they were 50 lbs lighter, they were stressing themselves by comparing their path with other people. Every day there posts on many forums asking what's the "average" amount of weight that should be lost per month, or this stall or that stall, or complaints about things not going fast enough. The posts seem to come from a perspective that the person posting seems to be saying, "I'm not good enough and I'm going to fail." or "I'm not doing this right, I still suck at this."
My head goes there sometimes too, when things aren't going the way I want.
Then I started thinking about why I might get frustrated sometimes.
For me, I think I have to forgive myself for becoming obese in the first place. I've had to let that go, which is easier said than done, of course.
I wasn't obese for the first 22 years of my life. I started down the obesity path after leaving the Marine Corps and going to college. Then, the weight piled on until reached my peak at 50. Almost three decades of weight gain, diet failures, regain, and health issues piling on year after year. There is regret, shame, frustration, stress, and of course I blame myself for really bad choices made along the way. Over time, the weight gain became a disease that made it practically impossible to lose weight and keep it off. I did do that to myself. I didn't have a known genetic or medical issue that caused me to gain weight. For me, it was solely poor eating. Others may have a different story.
However, that experience of the past tends to make me paranoid about the present and future and whether I will succeed or fail at post-surgery life. Am I just going to repeat the same old patterns of my old self?
I did a significant amount of damage to my body over that time, but yet, I have to forgive myself. If I try to be successful at this post-surgery life, still blaming myself for why I ended up needing surgery, I am sure I won't be successful for the long term.
Instead of comparing my progress to others, I'm going to celebrate others' successes, even if I'm not making progress. I'm going to celebrate my success in comparison to only where I was, not what others experience.
I think to be truly happy and successful for the rest of my life, I believe I have to forgive myself for all of those poor choices of the past, whether they were directly related to weight gain or not. It's time to let them go and use this surgery as a true life reboot.
Although the scale is going to be a part of this journey no matter what, I think we need to step away from it as much as possible and do not compare your "success" to others. Focus on the non-scale victories and concentrate on establishing good eating habits while the benefits of the surgery are at its greatest effect (aka, the honeymoon).
Trying to determine where you should be as far as actual weight loss goes is a no-win game that usually just frustrates people. It never seems to go fast enough, even if you are a "fast loser" or a "slow loser." When we see others losing more, we tend to start overthinking what we are doing and wonder if we are doing something wrong. It can drive a person crazy. These comparisons lead to frustration, stress, anxiety and all of those things lead to the potential to get on the same rollercoaster of up and down weight that we got this surgery to end in the first place. The feelings start to snowball and we start scouring the internet looking for answers or justification, or to try to find other people who are doing poorly too or to find people who will give us the secret key to success. We already have the key. We just need to have the confidence in ourselves to use it properly.
I sought out counselling because for much of my life I would ruminate over past poor choices. I would keep reliving the past failures (or at least what I saw as failure). Counseling helped a great deal. It took some time after that to get to a point where I could realize that I had to let go of the self blame for my weight gain. I had to forgive myself.
My weight gain became a disease that is so difficult to battle, but I made a good choice to have this surgery. I made a good choice to forgive myself. I made a good choice to follow the instructions for post-surgery eating. I made a good choice by not comparing myself to others. There will be poor choices along the way, that's life. Poor choices should be an avenue to learning, not self flagellation.
I'm moving forward toward success. I'll seek help when I'm struggling, and I'll learn from poor choices. I'm going to follow the recommendations of my bariatric team and make good food choices and exercise. This is all I can do. I can't directly control how fast my body loses fat. I can only control my conscious choices to do the right thing. I can't change the past, but I can influence my future.
Your journey is probably different from mine. Your struggles may be different from mine, but I also suspect there are others out there who are also dealing with self doubt, anxiety, worry and self-defrication.
I forgive myself. If any of this rings true for you, forgive yourself. Consider counseling if you don't think you can forgive yourself. You really can move on, but you may need to let go of some things first. If you didn't take care of issues pre-surgery, now is the time.
If my experience doesn't match up to yours, consider your own story and how you might maximize your success after surgery. What do you need to do to be really successful and be healthy for the rest of your life? What actions do you need to take for self care and support? Do those things.
I can be successful in this journey, and so can you.
I see so many posts in FB groups and support forums about how poorly people think they are doing. Someone on a FB group recently posted how upset they were because they "only" lost 50 lbs in the first four months and EVERYBODY was losing more than that. Instead of celebrating they were 50 lbs lighter, they were stressing themselves by comparing their path with other people. Every day there posts on many forums asking what's the "average" amount of weight that should be lost per month, or this stall or that stall, or complaints about things not going fast enough. The posts seem to come from a perspective that the person posting seems to be saying, "I'm not good enough and I'm going to fail." or "I'm not doing this right, I still suck at this."
My head goes there sometimes too, when things aren't going the way I want.
Then I started thinking about why I might get frustrated sometimes.
For me, I think I have to forgive myself for becoming obese in the first place. I've had to let that go, which is easier said than done, of course.
I wasn't obese for the first 22 years of my life. I started down the obesity path after leaving the Marine Corps and going to college. Then, the weight piled on until reached my peak at 50. Almost three decades of weight gain, diet failures, regain, and health issues piling on year after year. There is regret, shame, frustration, stress, and of course I blame myself for really bad choices made along the way. Over time, the weight gain became a disease that made it practically impossible to lose weight and keep it off. I did do that to myself. I didn't have a known genetic or medical issue that caused me to gain weight. For me, it was solely poor eating. Others may have a different story.
However, that experience of the past tends to make me paranoid about the present and future and whether I will succeed or fail at post-surgery life. Am I just going to repeat the same old patterns of my old self?
I did a significant amount of damage to my body over that time, but yet, I have to forgive myself. If I try to be successful at this post-surgery life, still blaming myself for why I ended up needing surgery, I am sure I won't be successful for the long term.
Instead of comparing my progress to others, I'm going to celebrate others' successes, even if I'm not making progress. I'm going to celebrate my success in comparison to only where I was, not what others experience.
I think to be truly happy and successful for the rest of my life, I believe I have to forgive myself for all of those poor choices of the past, whether they were directly related to weight gain or not. It's time to let them go and use this surgery as a true life reboot.
Although the scale is going to be a part of this journey no matter what, I think we need to step away from it as much as possible and do not compare your "success" to others. Focus on the non-scale victories and concentrate on establishing good eating habits while the benefits of the surgery are at its greatest effect (aka, the honeymoon).
Trying to determine where you should be as far as actual weight loss goes is a no-win game that usually just frustrates people. It never seems to go fast enough, even if you are a "fast loser" or a "slow loser." When we see others losing more, we tend to start overthinking what we are doing and wonder if we are doing something wrong. It can drive a person crazy. These comparisons lead to frustration, stress, anxiety and all of those things lead to the potential to get on the same rollercoaster of up and down weight that we got this surgery to end in the first place. The feelings start to snowball and we start scouring the internet looking for answers or justification, or to try to find other people who are doing poorly too or to find people who will give us the secret key to success. We already have the key. We just need to have the confidence in ourselves to use it properly.
I sought out counselling because for much of my life I would ruminate over past poor choices. I would keep reliving the past failures (or at least what I saw as failure). Counseling helped a great deal. It took some time after that to get to a point where I could realize that I had to let go of the self blame for my weight gain. I had to forgive myself.
My weight gain became a disease that is so difficult to battle, but I made a good choice to have this surgery. I made a good choice to forgive myself. I made a good choice to follow the instructions for post-surgery eating. I made a good choice by not comparing myself to others. There will be poor choices along the way, that's life. Poor choices should be an avenue to learning, not self flagellation.
I'm moving forward toward success. I'll seek help when I'm struggling, and I'll learn from poor choices. I'm going to follow the recommendations of my bariatric team and make good food choices and exercise. This is all I can do. I can't directly control how fast my body loses fat. I can only control my conscious choices to do the right thing. I can't change the past, but I can influence my future.
Your journey is probably different from mine. Your struggles may be different from mine, but I also suspect there are others out there who are also dealing with self doubt, anxiety, worry and self-defrication.
I forgive myself. If any of this rings true for you, forgive yourself. Consider counseling if you don't think you can forgive yourself. You really can move on, but you may need to let go of some things first. If you didn't take care of issues pre-surgery, now is the time.
If my experience doesn't match up to yours, consider your own story and how you might maximize your success after surgery. What do you need to do to be really successful and be healthy for the rest of your life? What actions do you need to take for self care and support? Do those things.
I can be successful in this journey, and so can you.
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