• American Bariatrics is a free online Bariatric Support Group. Register for your free account and get access to all of our great features!

haiku. Gesundheit!

dianeseattle

dianeseattle

Member
How about writing haiku that relate to your weight loss struggle and success?

In Japan they have very specific rules for how to write a haiku.

  1. There are only three lines, totaling 17 syllables.
  2. The first line is 5 syllables.
  3. The second line is 7 syllables.
  4. The third line is 5 syllables like the first.
  5. Punctuation and capitalization are up to the poet, and need not follow the rigid rules used in structuring sentences.
  6. A haiku does not have to rhyme, in fact usually it does not rhyme at all.
  7. It can include the repetition of words or sounds
  8. Traditional haiku requires including 1) an observation or conclusion, and 2) a season of the year and 3) a spoken or unspoken color.
Here are a few examples of Japanese haiku:


The season gives way.
Winter lays down her mantle,
As spring bursts to life

On a withered branch
A crow has alighted:
Nightfall in autumn.

And here's one from me, an Ode to post op diarrhea:

brown commode water
unfamiliar season brings
an unwelcome guest

So are you game? I know not everyone will be excited about this and many probably do not like haiku but I love it.
 
Awesome!

You'll have to humor me for a moment please as I slip into Workshop mode. You know I love you. As a working writer I gave many workshops, though none in haiku. we always had a group critique to help us edit our earliest drafts. But I just really want to comment on yours because your elements are amazing, just brilliant.

I think you did a 4 - 8 - 5 syllable motif and it affects the rhythm that makes a haiku feel like a haiku. But you could move some words around and make it a 5-7-5 traditional motif and it would be very powerful, a real gut puncher for those of us who have to face that scale.

I love the initial imagery of Glass and Metal, which evokes memories of a car wreck or some other sort of horrible accident. And the ominous ending of facing that scale the next Saturday is almost terrifying. Very emotional. Imagine if you were writing about the weekly Weight Watchers weigh-in instead of your own surprising Victory after surgery.

I am seriously jealous I didn't think of this imagery.

I think it would be a lot of fun if we could use these somehow as a document we could save to the resources area or a booklet.

Wait until I get around to writing mine. I have no clue what I can write about that would be well-suited to haiku, especially since you nailed it.

Maybe I should just stick to cooking.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top