dianeseattle
Member
This isn't an instruction. it's how I use support groups. I have an anecdote!
I think I mentioned I've been through a lot lately, emotionally, peaking when a friend was murdered but unbelievably, going on after that. My son has been in a relationship with a woman who turned out to be incorrectly gender-assigned, so s/he's been working toward transitioning sexually for a while. I've always been close to both of them and my son, in the past, used to brag about what a great mom he has.
But as it turns out, both of them were leaving me out of the loop. I just spoke to my son a week or so ago about Artie and he said nothing was happening. Then I open my Instagram page and there s/he is, wrapped in a huge surgical bandage, following top surgery (breast removal). Why didn't my son tell me? Why did I learn about it at the same time as the rest of the world?
I wrote a bit about that here, I think, but also ended up calling the Warm Line, which is little sister to the crisis line. I actually had been swirling for a couple of days with suicidal thoughts. This is, unfortunately, part of a mental illness I have called PTSD. I was brutally beaten by mom all my life, as were a few of my siblings. She had 8 kids. That's too many, considering her husband was gone at least half the month for work.
Anyway I worked hard to raise my son with love and support and to help support his self-esteem. He still did some really horrible things, which are unique to his own mental health and drug use, and once when he was 14 or so he disappeared for six months.
This had nothing to do with me but I took all the blame for it anyway.
So why didn't he tell me about Artie's surgery? Why did he lie to me when I asked if it was going to happen?
I'm grateful for the crisis line and the warm line but this has hurt me so deeply that i've been fighting suicidal thoughts (first attempt, I was 17)) or actions (five hospitalizations) and even if I can coexist with those thoughts of self-destruction, they color my day.
I read your stories, especially Roni lately, and you can't believe how much you comfort me. You don't even know what's going on but by sharing, you are supporting me. Intellectually, I know what's right. And my god, I didn't go through RYGB so I could end up killing myself over something else that was affecting my life. Again, Roni, you've been through so much. My heart aches for you and If I prayed, I'd be doing that. Instead, I'm sending you real love. It's going to take a while for you to feel better and really, you'll never get over it completely. Your life is forever changed. Thank you for sharing it with us. We all support you as much as we can. I am sending you a special thank you and well-wishes. I have endless admiration for you.
Thank you to this entire support group. Not only have you helped me stay at a healthy weight since 2008 or so, but so often you have embraced me with love, privately and in the group postings. Like so many others here, I'm hurting and that's going to go on for a while. I'm so glad I have this warm little nest to snuggle down in while you all cover me with your wings of love.
I think I mentioned I've been through a lot lately, emotionally, peaking when a friend was murdered but unbelievably, going on after that. My son has been in a relationship with a woman who turned out to be incorrectly gender-assigned, so s/he's been working toward transitioning sexually for a while. I've always been close to both of them and my son, in the past, used to brag about what a great mom he has.
But as it turns out, both of them were leaving me out of the loop. I just spoke to my son a week or so ago about Artie and he said nothing was happening. Then I open my Instagram page and there s/he is, wrapped in a huge surgical bandage, following top surgery (breast removal). Why didn't my son tell me? Why did I learn about it at the same time as the rest of the world?
I wrote a bit about that here, I think, but also ended up calling the Warm Line, which is little sister to the crisis line. I actually had been swirling for a couple of days with suicidal thoughts. This is, unfortunately, part of a mental illness I have called PTSD. I was brutally beaten by mom all my life, as were a few of my siblings. She had 8 kids. That's too many, considering her husband was gone at least half the month for work.
Anyway I worked hard to raise my son with love and support and to help support his self-esteem. He still did some really horrible things, which are unique to his own mental health and drug use, and once when he was 14 or so he disappeared for six months.
This had nothing to do with me but I took all the blame for it anyway.
So why didn't he tell me about Artie's surgery? Why did he lie to me when I asked if it was going to happen?
I'm grateful for the crisis line and the warm line but this has hurt me so deeply that i've been fighting suicidal thoughts (first attempt, I was 17)) or actions (five hospitalizations) and even if I can coexist with those thoughts of self-destruction, they color my day.
I read your stories, especially Roni lately, and you can't believe how much you comfort me. You don't even know what's going on but by sharing, you are supporting me. Intellectually, I know what's right. And my god, I didn't go through RYGB so I could end up killing myself over something else that was affecting my life. Again, Roni, you've been through so much. My heart aches for you and If I prayed, I'd be doing that. Instead, I'm sending you real love. It's going to take a while for you to feel better and really, you'll never get over it completely. Your life is forever changed. Thank you for sharing it with us. We all support you as much as we can. I am sending you a special thank you and well-wishes. I have endless admiration for you.
Thank you to this entire support group. Not only have you helped me stay at a healthy weight since 2008 or so, but so often you have embraced me with love, privately and in the group postings. Like so many others here, I'm hurting and that's going to go on for a while. I'm so glad I have this warm little nest to snuggle down in while you all cover me with your wings of love.