Jewls
Member
Hello. I’m new here and 2 years post op. I found a post by chance that others have dealt with what I’m dealing with. My heart is in a lot of pain. My husband of 20 years no longer finds me attractive. He isn’t turned on by my new body. Misses my ass & boobs. He says he still loves me though! Is that good? I don’t know. I love him and we have 3 young boys together. He’s still very overweight and has diabetes/ sleep apnea. He swears it’s not a jealousy thing - he really thinks I looked better before. Honestly, the reaction I get from most people is that I used to look better at 245. I guess people liked the old me better, but I like the new me. It’s still ME inside. It’s so hard ...I’m more me then I ever was, and I feel the least loved.....identity crisis ..self esteem suffering. I’m not about 130 and I feel so much better.
Anyhow, he says “I’ll find new ways to find you attractive besides physical” and says “it doesn’t matter, I’m committed to you” ..,I’m not so sure. Isn’t intimacy important? I guess intimacy is still possible, but how am I to feel about it? Embarrassed? Yuck.
I don’t know what to do. At first I thought it was a deal breaker, but maybe it will just take time?? It is a huge drastic change for him too. Again....we have been together a looooong time. I’m 40, and we have dated since 16 years of age. We’ve grown up together. He was here when my mom died. He is the father of all 3 of my children. Lots and lots of history.
Kind advice, direction, opinions, and guidance are welcomed. Even if it’s hard to hear.
Best to you on your journey.
Anyhow, he says “I’ll find new ways to find you attractive besides physical” and says “it doesn’t matter, I’m committed to you” ..,I’m not so sure. Isn’t intimacy important? I guess intimacy is still possible, but how am I to feel about it? Embarrassed? Yuck.
I don’t know what to do. At first I thought it was a deal breaker, but maybe it will just take time?? It is a huge drastic change for him too. Again....we have been together a looooong time. I’m 40, and we have dated since 16 years of age. We’ve grown up together. He was here when my mom died. He is the father of all 3 of my children. Lots and lots of history.
Kind advice, direction, opinions, and guidance are welcomed. Even if it’s hard to hear.
Best to you on your journey.