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Mental health right after surgery

You will get thru this. Its important to realize that food is not really all that important. I know that sounds crazy but a few days out and you're not even eating. So, really focus on that for a second. Zero food, yet you're still alive and functioning. Take that perspective and figure out what IS all that important. What does food give you aside from nutrients? Comfort? A chance to ignore everything but eating? (Mindlessness) A cure for boredom? Where else you can get those things? What is a healthier way to fulfill those needs?

Start a journal. It is amazing the things you'll figure out about yourself!
 
The first few days are the “What the hell have I done to myself!” days. It’s best to just focus on what you can control in that moment. Can you eat? No. Can you sip your water and focus on getting your fluids in? Yes. Can you hate other people because they can eat and you can’t? No. Can you walk and keep your pain under control? Yes. I struggled with protein in the beginning but I was also told that protein was not important the first week so I didn’t even try. I just focused on fluids. I focused on feeling better both mentally and physically. I did not cook for my family. They had to fend for themselves. I took food out of the equation because at that moment in time all it would have done is made me crazy. Hang in there. This will all turn around and you will feel much better. Stick to the plan the doctor gave you and don’t deviate
 
i want to underscore Mandy's decision not to cook for family. This is SO important. I don't know why anyone would do this in the first place. I came from a family of 10 and at a certain age, I was given cooking tasks, but never the entire meal. The kitchen was crowded with siblings peeling, monitoring the oven, stirring, seasoning, tracking time... but no one had to do it all. I think that created a mindset in me that I'd never be the galley slave others may have wanted me to be.

In WW much later on, I heard a woman tell her story. She said she always cooked for the family AND cleaned up after. This gave her the opportunity to "taste" the food dozens of times while cooking, and pick leftovers off plates while she was cleaning up. Nothing went into the garbage can--she became the garbage can. They were all thin and she was obese. Her image of herself as a garbage can stunned and sickened me, and I was never able to clean up after dinner without thinking of myself that way.

A good first step is to do what Mandy did. Stop cooking for others. Another good step is to create a permanent shopping list you can attach to the fridge or bulletin board in the kitchen. If you make sure you always have food, not "their" food, you'll be on your way to being the valuable member of the family you should be.
 
MANDY2910 said:
The first few days are the “What the hell have I done to myself!” days. It’s best to just focus on what you can control in that moment. Can you eat? No. Can you sip your water and focus on getting your fluids in? Yes. Can you hate other people because they can eat and you can’t? No. Can you walk and keep your pain under control? Yes. I struggled with protein in the beginning but I was also told that protein was not important the first week so I didn’t even try. I just focused on fluids. I focused on feeling better both mentally and physically. I did not cook for my family. They had to fend for themselves. I took food out of the equation because at that moment in time all it would have done is made me crazy. Hang in there. This will all turn around and you will feel much better. Stick to the plan the doctor gave you and don’t deviate
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Oh my goodness. Such great insight. And it normalizes the “what the hell did I just do?” feeling that I’m battling. Thank you!
 
dianeseattle said:
i want to underscore Mandy's decision not to cook for family. This is SO important. I don't know why anyone would do this in the first place. I came from a family of 10 and at a certain age, I was given cooking tasks, but never the entire meal. The kitchen was crowded with siblings peeling, monitoring the oven, stirring, seasoning, tracking time... but no one had to do it all. I think that created a mindset in me that I'd never be the galley slave others may have wanted me to be.

In WW much later on, I heard a woman tell her story. She said she always cooked for the family AND cleaned up after. This gave her the opportunity to "taste" the food dozens of times while cooking, and pick leftovers off plates while she was cleaning up. Nothing went into the garbage can--she became the garbage can. They were all thin and she was obese. Her image of herself as a garbage can stunned and sickened me, and I was never able to clean up after dinner without thinking of myself that way.

A good first step is to do what Mandy did. Stop cooking for others. Another good step is to create a permanent shopping list you can attach to the fridge or bulletin board in the kitchen. If you make sure you always have food, not "their" food, you'll be on your way to being the valuable member of the family you should be.
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I agree so so much. I just couldn’t put words to it in my current situation. Thank you so much. The tips at the end are so helpful!
 
missyinacage said:
You will get thru this. Its important to realize that food is not really all that important. I know that sounds crazy but a few days out and you're not even eating. So, really focus on that for a second. Zero food, yet you're still alive and functioning. Take that perspective and figure out what IS all that important. What does food give you aside from nutrients? Comfort? A chance to ignore everything but eating? (Mindlessness) A cure for boredom? Where else you can get those things? What is a healthier way to fulfill those needs?

Start a journal. It is amazing the things you'll figure out about yourself!
Click to expand...
I’ve been keeping a journal of questions and things I need to remember, but you’re totally right. I need to journal to remind myself of my goals—and to look at things from a different way than I have in the past. It’s so easy to fall back into old thinking patterns. Thank you!
 
This journey has been very psychological for me. In the beginning, and some times still, I have a hard time making myself eat when I need to, not necessarily want to. It feels like it goes against every instinct I cultivated when I would starve myself to be thin. I‘m trying to change my approach and focus on my nutritional needs, rather than my non-existent desire to eat, because the desire to eat got me into this mess. I journal, which helps. I try to get out my emotions related to this process on paper, which really helps to recognize them and work through them.
 
I just joined group today. I just had my surgery 11/15/2022.I have been doing well on liquid diet two weeks prior to surgery and now 5 days after surgery today for some reason I want food I wish I could chew nugget or something into small pieces. This is first day I'm want eat something other than liquid diet.
 
MANDY2910 said:
The first few days are the “What the hell have I done to myself!” days. It’s best to just focus on what you can control in that moment. Can you eat? No. Can you sip your water and focus on getting your fluids in? Yes. Can you hate other people because they can eat and you can’t? No. Can you walk and keep your pain under control? Yes. I struggled with protein in the beginning but I was also told that protein was not important the first week so I didn’t even try. I just focused on fluids. I focused on feeling better both mentally and physically. I did not cook for my family. They had to fend for themselves. I took food out of the equation because at that moment in time all it would have done is made me crazy. Hang in there. This will all turn around and you will feel much better. Stick to the plan the doctor gave you and don’t deviate
Click to expand...
Thank you, I needed to hear that.
 
My surgery date is in January. I have already gained some back. Now that the holidays are here, I'm worried. What can I do to motivate myself and get back to what I'm supposed to be doing? Especially to exersize which I almost never do if you count cleaning my house and doing laundry. I know I'm wrong. God I need help. People what did you do to prepare for surgery? I'm desperate, I don't want him to postpone my surgery, again. :confused:
 
When I was trying to lose before surgery I was pretty strict… 6 days a week. I ate clean, low carb, and used an app to track calories, etc. my nutritionist had given me some guidelines and that helped but for the most part it was up to me. I look at it this way: I was practicing for life after surgery and I needed all the practice I could get. 6 days a week I would walk and do some light weights and watch what I ate. On day 7 I would enjoy some of the foods I had wanted throughout the week, but still maintained control and didn’t pig out. It helped me drop 20 pounds in 3 months on my own. And it also helped me learn the difference between head hunger and real hunger. This whole experience leading up to surgery is very psychological and it’s a battle of wills: Will I decide today to take back control of my life? Will I let food win today or will I come out on top? Will I listen to what my body needs instead of what it thinks it wants? And the list goes on and on. So my advice is to enjoy Thanksgiving and all the goodies that come along with that. But come Friday morning start taking your health seriously. Make a plan and stick to it. If you have a little slip don’t just throw in the towel for the day. Get right back to eating what you are supposed to. Track everything!!! Even if you eat something you shouldn’t. I use Baritastic and MyFitnessPal is also a good one and both are easy to use. You are fighting a battle against yourself. You know what you need to do to get your surgery. Surgery is the goal and the only thing standing in its way is you. Get out of your head and get to work.
 
MANDY2910 said:
When I was trying to lose before surgery I was pretty strict… 6 days a week. I ate clean, low carb, and used an app to track calories, etc. my nutritionist had given me some guidelines and that helped but for the most part it was up to me. I look at it this way: I was practicing for life after surgery and I needed all the practice I could get. 6 days a week I would walk and do some light weights and watch what I ate. On day 7 I would enjoy some of the foods I had wanted throughout the week, but still maintained control and didn’t pig out. It helped me drop 20 pounds in 3 months on my own. And it also helped me learn the difference between head hunger and real hunger. This whole experience leading up to surgery is very psychological and it’s a battle of wills: Will I decide today to take back control of my life? Will I let food win today or will I come out on top? Will I listen to what my body needs instead of what it thinks it wants? And the list goes on and on. So my advice is to enjoy Thanksgiving and all the goodies that come along with that. But come Friday morning start taking your health seriously. Make a plan and stick to it. If you have a little slip don’t just throw in the towel for the day. Get right back to eating what you are supposed to. Track everything!!! Even if you eat something you shouldn’t. I use Baritastic and MyFitnessPal is also a good one and both are easy to use. You are fighting a battle against yourself. You know what you need to do to get your surgery. Surgery is the goal and the only thing standing in its way is you. Get out of your head and get to work.
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100% agree with this! I think we all need to keep in mind the commitment we make when we decide to have surgery, it’s a tool, not a cure. For me, I need to track daily to keep myself in check, and most definitely will need to when I hit maintenance weight.
 
Madeline3417 said:
My surgery date is in January. I have already gained some back. Now that the holidays are here, I'm worried. What can I do to motivate myself and get back to what I'm supposed to be doing? Especially to exersize which I almost never do if you count cleaning my house and doing laundry. I know I'm wrong. God I need help. People what did you do to prepare for surgery? I'm desperate, I don't want him to postpone my surgery, again. :confused:
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Just try and keep busy .. also not sure how your support is at home but having a friend or buddy you can chat with help tremendously, I know you have all of us on here as well and if need be feel free to reach out and I can help out by being a listening ear it’s not easy but you can do it . Remember to keep your goal at hand … write it down and post it up where you can see it everyday and that may help with the motivation to keep pushing forward
 
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