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Negative Personality changes post-op

N

New_Here

Member
Hello all! Hope everyone is well today :) I'm reaching out because my dad had a gastric sleeve procedure done in January of 2020. While he's lost weight and seems to be more physically active and more outgoing, which are definitely great things for him, he seems to be experiencing some definite negative changes in regards to his personality. I absolutely hate to have to say this, but he seems arrogant and extremely stubborn. He seems like he's easily angered and in turn has become increasingly confrontational. It's gotten so bad that various members of the family have reached out to each other with "Hey, have you noticed that he's changed [in a bad way]? He's been being kind of a jerk." We've talked about it and some of us have found articles online that document things like this happening in people that have had bariatric procedures done and have found that it's something to do with the body not being able to absorb nutrients the way it used to, which in turn causes mood swings/instability, etc. I don't really know how to go about getting help for him and we're all becoming more and more worried that this is taking a toll on his mental health and will have a significant impact on it in the long run. Can anyone here provide some insight and/or resources?
 
Wow I've never heard of this but it sure sounds scary. Can you reach out to his bariatric team for some help and advice? Please stay in touch & let us know if you find any answers. You may be able to help someone else here that's suffering in silence. We truly care what happens to y'all and glad you touched base with us here.
 
I don't think you can draw a correlation. When someone starts acting differently, we want to ascribe a reason. But a personality is defined by millions of tics and sparks, and those standing outside should deal with what they can, and stop taking someone's inventory without being asked. It really can be painful for the one being critiqued, and let's face it, we all have better things to do.

We absolutely don't know if a change in behavior is a signal, or simply an evolution. But it's codependent to get worked up by others, and liberating to wave it off and embrace your own growth and change.

Oh, but I know I'd want to die if I thought I could never have a hot fudge sundae again. I think we all have foods we're entwined with. And habits! It's a relief to give in or give up.
 
dianeseattle said:
I don't think you can draw a correlation. When someone starts acting differently, we want to ascribe a reason. But a personality is defined by millions of tics and sparks, and those standing outside should deal with what they can, and stop taking someone's inventory without being asked. It really can be painful for the one being critiqued, and let's face it, we all have better things to do.

We absolutely don't know if a change in behavior is a signal, or simply an evolution. But it's codependent to get worked up by others, and liberating to wave it off and embrace your own growth and change.

Oh, but I know I'd want to die if I thought I could never have a hot fudge sundae again. I think we all have foods we're entwined with. And habits! It's a relief to give in or give up.
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I appreciate your feedback. However, I don't agree with you saying that "those standing outside should deal with what they can, and stop taking someone's inventory without being asked" and noting that it's "codependent to get worked up by others, and liberating to wave it off and embrace your own growth and change". I'm not at all trying to be ugly with you (digital messages aren't great at expressing tone, of course), so please don't think that. But I'm sure if you had a family member that was displaying destructive (to say the least) behavior, you could not sit idly by and watch this person spiral downward. I am constantly working to embrace my own growth and change - thank you. But I cannot leave my dad behind in the dust just because I'm doing that for myself. "No man gets left behind"
I completely agree and understand that personalities can change and a number of things are at play when/if they do. We all as a family have been expressing how we've noticed his changes and it is purely coming from a place of concern, not to "take inventory", pass judgment, or anything of the sort. And I do understand that it can be painful for the person to receive this information (the person being "critiqued" as you put it), but again, we are simply very concerned because of the degree to which he has changed. This is very tough and we're doing our best to navigate this and approach him with our concerns very delicately.
 
suzannethemom said:
How old is your Dad? Have you considered early stage Alzheimers? These are the same symptoms that my father in law had before he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. He was 70 years old.
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Oh my. My dad is in his early 50's. I do know that his grandfather had Alzheimers as well. Thank you for this. I hadn't even considered that possibility, but it is definitely worth looking into, especially given the family history. Thank you so much! <3
 
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New_Here said:
I appreciate your feedback. However, I don't agree with you saying that "those standing outside should deal with what they can, and stop taking someone's inventory without being asked" and noting that it's "codependent to get worked up by others, and liberating to wave it off and embrace your own growth and change". I'm not at all trying to be ugly with you (digital messages aren't great at expressing tone, of course), so please don't think that. But I'm sure if you had a family member that was displaying destructive (to say the least) behavior, you could not sit idly by and watch this person spiral downward. I am constantly working to embrace my own growth and change - thank you. But I cannot leave my dad behind in the dust just because I'm doing that for myself. "No man gets left behind"
I completely agree and understand that personalities can change and a number of things are at play when/if they do. We all as a family have been expressing how we've noticed his changes and it is purely coming from a place of concern, not to "take inventory", pass judgment, or anything of the sort. And I do understand that it can be painful for the person to receive this information (the person being "critiqued" as you put it), but again, we are simply very concerned because of the degree to which he has changed. This is very tough and we're doing our best to navigate this and approach him with our concerns very delicately.
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No offense taken. I had a hard time writing that long post. My best friend is terminally ill, and next to my son, she is most deeply part of my heart and soul.

I wanted to offer help, but within a framework of dealing with your own issues, not the issues of the one who drains your life. That was the first thing I learned at al-anon.

Anyway, please forgive my tone and use anything helpful said. Sandra is dying and feel her slipping every minute of the day. I know part of my soul will fly away with her. And at the age of 70, I know this is just the beginning of the loss that will be with me til my own death.

I'm gonna shut up for a while.
 
I have seen this happen with some people as they go through the journey. If you almost exclusively used food to deal with emotions and such, and now it is suddenly no longer an option, there can be some challenges in trying to figure out the healthy way (emotionally) to deal with life. Some people transfer that place to other addictions (shopping/spending and alcohol are the biggest I have seen in my circles), or they can become combative, overly emotional, etc. I would hope that his bariatric group would have counselors available at least to refer to. It could also be something else, and the timing is just coincidental. Either way - getting him in to a doc to find out is important.
 
eladams2015 said:
I have seen this happen with some people as they go through the journey. If you almost exclusively used food to deal with emotions and such, and now it is suddenly no longer an option, there can be some challenges in trying to figure out the healthy way (emotionally) to deal with life. Some people transfer that place to other addictions (shopping/spending and alcohol are the biggest I have seen in my circles), or they can become combative, overly emotional, etc. I would hope that his bariatric group would have counselors available at least to refer to. It could also be something else, and the timing is just coincidental. Either way - getting him in to a doc to find out is important.
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Thank you. And yes, he definitely loves to eat (as most of the people in my family do lol). You're exactly right and I completely agree. I've asked him for his doctor's info in hopes that I can talk to them directly and relay some of these issues and hopefully get some feedback. Then I'll/we'll feel better/more at ease approaching him because we'll already have some information about what's possibly going on and how to move forward.
 
In my reading and reading and reading before surgery I saw it repeatedly that people can have mood swings and that it can be hard on them and their loved ones. I told my family to watch out and that I would try to behave. But another thought I had with respect to your dad is that maybe he has been trying not to hold emotions in that he previously was, but he has no experience with this and so he is just being jerky. Maybe he is trying to manage stress by telling everyone what he really thinks, but it is not being received well because 1) he is bad at it, 2) your family is not used to him expressing himself this way. He is lucky to have family that loves him!
 
RuthieD said:
In my reading...I saw it repeatedly that people can have mood swings and that it can be hard on them and their loved ones. I told my family to watch out and that I would try to behave. But another thought I had... maybe he has been trying not to hold emotions in that he previously was, but he has no experience with this and so he is just being jerky. Maybe he is trying to manage stress by telling everyone what he really thinks, but it is not being received well because 1) he is bad at it, 2) your family is not used to him expressing himself this way. He is lucky to have family that loves him!
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I think could be right. I'm hoping that this is the case because the resolution for this would be a simple "talking-to" to let him know that (like you said) his expressions are not being well-received because he's not conveying them in a constructive manner. I'm really hoping this is the case and it's not some actual medical issue. Thank you for your words, Ruthie. I appreciate you :)
 
Okay, I'll admit it. I had mood swings. I went from overjoyed to deliriously happy! I lost an enormous amount of weight, my vitamin and mineral counts improved, I went to the Y six days a week and explored the North Cascades with no fear. One time on a solo hike, a deer even woke me up, nibbling on my fingernails for the salt on my fingertips.

I don't mean to make light of your situation, but until I heard about mood swings in this group, I'd never see them listed as a side effect. And my inclination, for the sake of the moody person, would be to ask a professional for an evaluation. That's because I'd never trust myself with a diagnosis if someone else.
 
Mood shifts canbe triggered by blood sugar shifts. After surgery the body uses food different and blood sugars can also shift differently as a result. I get far more moody when I am hungry and/or when my body needs food but I don't recognize it.
 
New_Here said:
Hello all! Hope everyone is well today :) I'm reaching out because my dad had a gastric sleeve procedure done in January of 2020. While he's lost weight and seems to be more physically active and more outgoing, which are definitely great things for him, he seems to be experiencing some definite negative changes in regards to his personality. I absolutely hate to have to say this, but he seems arrogant and extremely stubborn. He seems like he's easily angered and in turn has become increasingly confrontational. It's gotten so bad that various members of the family have reached out to each other with "Hey, have you noticed that he's changed [in a bad way]? He's been being kind of a jerk." We've talked about it and some of us have found articles online that document things like this happening in people that have had bariatric procedures done and have found that it's something to do with the body not being able to absorb nutrients the way it used to, which in turn causes mood swings/instability, etc. I don't really know how to go about getting help for him and we're all becoming more and more worried that this is taking a toll on his mental health and will have a significant impact on it in the long run. Can anyone here provide some insight and/or resources?
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Why some health systems offer spouse and family support. This surgery changes EVERYTHING for the person. From stomach to hormones, to brain function. Families mostly have zero clue about its side effects of it. Mental health support is crucial. One, he may no longer give a crap about people's opinions, because he is confident, but if hormones and sugars do a number, only blood work and a good doctor can balance those out. Not a surgeon, but bariatric experienced PCP in conjunction with bariatric experienced therapist.
 
New_Here said:
Hello all! Hope everyone is well today :) I'm reaching out because my dad had a gastric sleeve procedure done in January of 2020. While he's lost weight and seems to be more physically active and more outgoing, which are definitely great things for him, he seems to be experiencing some definite negative changes in regards to his personality. I absolutely hate to have to say this, but he seems arrogant and extremely stubborn. He seems like he's easily angered and in turn has become increasingly confrontational. It's gotten so bad that various members of the family have reached out to each other with "Hey, have you noticed that he's changed [in a bad way]? He's been being kind of a jerk." We've talked about it and some of us have found articles online that document things like this happening in people that have had bariatric procedures done and have found that it's something to do with the body not being able to absorb nutrients the way it used to, which in turn causes mood swings/instability, etc. I don't really know how to go about getting help for him and we're all becoming more and more worried that this is taking a toll on his mental health and will have a significant impact on it in the long run. Can anyone here provide some insight and/or resources?
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I have experienced this myself almost every time if not every time I lose weight which is what is leading me to Bariatric surgery. I don’t know what I’m going to do if My family members responses do not change in terms of my weight loss. I think it is hurtful of family members to knock each other down when all we are trying to do is become better versions of ourselves. I feel like they are excited about my progress but they do not realize they need to work on it too. In fact if we were working as a unit—going out for walks together, cooking together, it may be more beneficial to everyone and maybe (or maybe not, but hopefully) would avoid the negative feelings. I have actually been institutionalized for this very reason (feelings that I am very stubborn or “jerk-y”) and put on medication that makes me gain weight. It seems as though my family is never happy or satisfied with what I give to them no matter if it’s harmful to myself or harmless. I can only assume they don’t really care and are only after personal gains (getting what they want). They expect me to sacrifice everything and them not sacrifice anything at all. How is that fair or even rational?
 
New_Here said:
Oh my. My dad is in his early 50's. I do know that his grandfather had Alzheimers as well. Thank you for this. I hadn't even considered that possibility, but it is definitely worth looking into, especially given the family history. Thank you so much! <3
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My grandfather also had this. Looking back we realize he started seeming differently early 60’s. At the time I don’t think we realized anything was off because it’s normal to just figure someone is in a mood, or had a bad day. Because your dad recently had surgery, there is a concrete time point to frame things. It could be a blessing to talk about this stuff early on. My family literally had no idea as my grandpa was in Arizona half the year. It wasn’t until the finances were in near ruin we found out. He was was so charming and gregarious, a great cover-upper. Your dad is certainly lucky to have people who are not just involved in his health and his life, but who care enough to find answers from a community. To me it shows your care and respect for him. In a world where so many families don’t stay connected, I think it’s so valuable to have a connection that’s been there forever. Keep us posted, sending you and your family love and prayers, and all kinds of good things.
 
Can I be honest? I don't love this. Personally, I wonder if he's being a jerk or if his family is just having a hard time coming to grips with his new, healthier lifestyle? You do change when you have WLS. You have to. You have to ficus on yourself and your needs. Too often, that can be seen as a negative thing. Most changes in others behaviors are viewed as negative by those who liked the status quo. He has every right to be proud of himself, which can seem arrogant. A refusal to just "eat what we're having" or " then just sit there and watch while we all eat cake" can seem confrontational and stubborn.

Just a different perspective I guess.
 
missyinacage said:
Can I be honest? I don't love this. Personally, I wonder if he's being a jerk or if his family is just having a hard time coming to grips with his new, healthier lifestyle? You do change when you have WLS. You have to. You have to ficus on yourself and your needs. Too often, that can be seen as a negative thing. Most changes in others behaviors are viewed as negative by those who liked the status quo. He has every right to be proud of himself, which can seem arrogant. A refusal to just "eat what we're having" or " then just sit there and watch while we all eat cake" can seem confrontational and stubborn.

Just a different perspective I guess.
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Dunno if I'd say this but there's a reason we know "pride goeth before a fall."
 
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