Obesity

[Kathi_S]

The comfortable in our own skin post got me thinking. I know, you probably didn't think that was possible, but occasionally it happens!

As an obese person, there are times I have lied to myself and convinced myself that I was perfectly happy with how I looked.

Deep down, I knew it wasn't true, especially when we moved to Boulder, CO, one of the most fit cities in the country. Athletes come here to train. I stick out like a sore thumb here. I do most of my shopping and all of my swimming in the city just north of us, where I fit (pun intended) in much better.

So my question is, when they say to be comfortable in your own skin, or promote big is beautiful, or whatever, does anyone ever really buy into it? Or is it just a temporary thing to do to make them feel better about themselves for a while.

When I told an obese friend of my husband's that I was having bariatric surgery, his response was "why would you take one of the greatest pleasures of life away from yourself"? My response to him was "Because I want to continue living to enjoy all the other pleasures in life".

Now I know men and women feel differently about their bodies. Culture has put much more emphasis on a woman's weight than on a man's. A man does not get judged until he becomes morbidly obese, while a woman becomes critized when she is chubby.

Over the years, I've been told by many people that I shouldn't be obsessed about my body image. I am what God made me. I don't believe that either. I was brought into this world a normal sized baby girl.

Unfortunately for me, I was born into a family of parents who believed chubby was healthy. Parents who had six kids, and then went on to become alcoholics, and left the responsibility of taking care of their brood to their eldest daughter (me).

I could only cook what we had in the house, mostly hamburger helper and stuff like that. All of us grew up obese. It was the lifestyle we led. We knew no other.

All of my life, I have been worried about eating in public. Are people watching me? Do they think, that is why she is so fat?

So anyway, what happens to get us to the point of bariatric surgery? If it was my decision alone, I would have done it 20 years ago. My husband though believed it was taking the easy way out, and it took 20 years of losing and gaining, and finally a skyrocketing A1C and several doctors to finally convince him that I NEED this surgery.

What convinced you?

 

[3momchaos]

My husbands insurance covering bariatric surgery got me to do it. It was simply not being able to afford it that delayed my getting it. I never thought my size was ok even though I was physically active. I hurt all the time. I didn’t even like the way I looked on my wedding day. The only positive thing I can say about my larger size is that I feel like I carried my twins, even though premature, to a larger size than they would have been.

 

[dianeseattle]

Great post, Kathi. I'm sure I'm not the only reader who felt you'd written MY story.

When that "Big Is Beautiful" slogan was buzzing around, I had an opposite response to it. It represented the "body acceptance" movement that was growing in society.

I'm one of the millions of people suffering body dysmorphia, which led me to bulimarexia as a teen. I was a tiny person who saw a huge monster in the mirror. No way would I ever accept that.

Because I was considered "hot," even though I knew I was homely compared to other girls, I got enough attention to be confused, all the while bingeing and purging. But I was so self-conscious about the label, I would rather be dead than fat.

I considered WLS for years before I did it. And the trigger was when a blood draw resulted in the term "pre-diabetic" being written in my chart. Diabetes was all over death certificates in my family. I knew the daily routine intimately. My emotional rejection of being part of my family was huge. I couldn't fight it.

I didn't have the surgery right after that. But it was a hamster-wheel thought every hour of every day after that, for years.

So eventually I gave in, even though I couldn't bear the thought that I'd never be able to eat XYZ again. Life isn't black and white. Eventually everything blends into a form of existence where both extremes can find peace, or at least, resignation.

And just FYI, as it turned out, everything I thought I knew about WLS was wrong. Duh. The biggest misperception? "Easy way out." It would have been easier to stay fat.

 

[3boysmom]

I feel like being proud of yourself at any size is nice and all, if you are happy the way you are then truly, good for you. I do think you can fool yourself into thinking you're ok with your size and many people probably do.

I still sometimes think I am fine, but in reality I am not. I was actually a normal size child, gained in those preteen years, and then became a full blown anorexic in my teens. I got addicted to the power and feeling of accomplishment in not eating, but I was killing myself. I hated who I saw when I looked in the mirror. A shrunked, gray, skeleton. Surely, not me.

Later in life, I guess I took the opposite approach..overeating for comfort after loosing my first born, and going on to have 3 more boys, with a pretty bad season of post partum mixed in. I devoted myself entirely to them and neglected myself. Although I've done alot of work psychologically for myself, I have let my physical self go. And still hate what I see when I look in the mirror. It's me under alot of fluff.

I attempted bariatric surgery a few years ago and insurance fell through. So I'm trying again. It's time. Old injuries are only hurting more, and I ain't getting any younger! Time to look AND feel good.

 

[3momchaos]

Another thing that was going on was that my sugar levels were getting high, and I was pre diabetic. I had a 23and me test done, and I’m genetically predisposed to type 2 diabetes. I wanted to nip that in the bud before it got worse. I do have a lot of adult family members with type 2, but I never put it together that genetics was playing a role in that.

 

[Lesa Marie]

For me personally, I feel like the whole body positive movement can be a healthy view but also dangerous. God made us all so very different for a reason but everyone and I mean everyone should love who they are inside and out and that includes taking care of your health. If you aren’t listening to your body then you aren’t taking care of yourself. You only get one body and that’s it! I used to tell myself that being fat was the new normal and that helped me get by for several years until I reached my 30’s and realized my body was starting to fight back. I started to lose that fight after developing some health problems but in the end I wasn’t giving up on myself. It’s scary when you come to the realization that you can no longer TRUST yourself to do the right thing and lose the weight on your own. So this is where I started looking into gastric sleeve. I wanted something that was least invasive (although sleeve is still pretty tough) and that wouldn’t limit me as much as bypass had my friend. After all, I do have 3 young children and a husband at home and I’d never had a surgery before and the sleeve allowed me to be home after 24 hrs. Now there is something I stress to everyone about getting a major surgery like this and that is you MUST love yourself before the surgery because being thin will not fix all your problems and just suddenly make you happy. You might think it will but it won’t. Happiness is within and should not be dictated just by physical looks. My husband asked me the other day (cause I had mentioned it) if I planned to have skin removal surgery and I said “absolutely NOT”. For me personally, I was not extremely over weight to began with so I don’t see myself having excess skin to the point it will cause any health problems. I also don’t want to put my body through another surgery and then I also had to explain that I did not do this to be some kind of swimsuits model but to be here for my family longer and to get more enjoyment out of life other than just eating all the time. He agreed with me 110%. So instead of sitting out of everything and watching hubby play with kids, I now join in on all the fun and plus I’m getting a work out in lol.

 

[Lesa Marie]

Oh and one more thing I wanted to add, I’m pretty sure this is a rarity but I struggled looking in the mirror after surgery and seeing this new woman that I did not recognize. I cried many times because deep down I’m going to miss seeing the old me because that’s how I looked for years. I’m almost 8 weeks out now and I’m slowly getting used to seeing a thinner me but it’s just happened so fast and I think that’s what’s been so scary. My mom would call me daily to check on me and sometimes she would cry with me lol. If you’re a mother then you know that when your child is sad then YOU are sad. I’m thankful for her .

 

[missyinacage]

I was heavy as a kid. I was heavy as an adult. My entire family, at least the women, are obese. And I will say, if I had not watched my aunt have to have first her foot and then her leg amputated due to diabetes, I would never have had WL surgery. I felt like I was looking into my own future and it scared me.

While I would not say I was thrilled with my body, it was mine and I was pretty comfortable in it. There was no hatred. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I refuse to have skin removal surgery is because my saggy stomach is literally the only part of me that I recognize and yes, I love it. It's mine: it's me. The saggy knees really piss me off, but that's it. Seriously. While on my road trip, I noticed my arm flab just flapping in the breeze. I took a video and sent it to my cousin cuz that shit was hysterical. And if someone thinks it's gross, I could not care less. There are people in this world who are cruel, hateful and willfully ignorant. If I'm going to work on myself, there are many qualities I find more important than "thin".

That being said, I am enjoying it immensely lol

 

[missyinacage]

Oh and one more thing I wanted to add, I’m pretty sure this is a rarity but I struggled looking in the mirror after surgery and seeing this new woman that I did not recognize. I cried many times because deep down I’m going to miss seeing the old me because that’s how I looked for years. I’m almost 8 weeks out now and I’m slowly getting used to seeing a thinner me but it’s just happened so fast and I think that’s what’s been so scary. My mom would call me daily to check on me and sometimes she would cry with me lol. If you’re a mother then you know that when your child is sad then YOU are sad. I’m thankful for her .

I had the same problem so it's more common than you think. I literally cried because I got too small for my underwear brand. I was seriously devastated. It sounds crazy now but at the time, it just felt like I was no longer ME.
Change, even if it's a fantastic thing, is hard. Give yourself a chance to adjust. You'll get used to it.

 

[RecoveringSecretEater]

After a traumatic event in my teens, I started to gain massive amounts of weight. After a few years, I decided to stop that and get healthy. Whenever my mother was upset with me, she’d use my weight as a means to put me down and “control “ me. Over the years, I lost a significant amount with diet and exercise, but to be honest, it was because someone said I couldn’t and I wanted to prove them wrong. I kept it off for years, albeit not in the best of ways. I had WLS in the back of my mind, but did not explore it because I was convinced I could do it on my own. With the body positive movement, I don’t see it focusing solely on those dealing with obesity. Underweight, amputees, skin disorders, etc., all have taken up that ownership to be ok with themselves. I think it may become different when someone states I have health issues based on my weight and others try to convince them otherwise. I feel sometimes people keep saying you’re beautiful, don’t change for anyone, but if you struggle to breathe walking 20 feet, that’s concerning. I lived in a country for several years where women should wear dresses and skirts, I personally hate them so would wear professional slacks. Everyday women would tell me I was fat. I was actually underweight at that time. But the minute I wrote a skirt, I was beautiful, slim, and smart ( for real, they’d say all of this). Then the next day I’d wear pants, then I was fat?! I know I didn’t gain weight, and that’s when I realized I had to gauge based on my health and how I feel. That’s primarily why I’m going now. Others keep saying I’m fine, but I DON’T feel fine. All incarnations my body went through, was necessary for that period, I’m learning. I want to change that, and it’s not a sign I don’t love myself as some extreme body positive individuals may believe, it’s because I love myself that I want to see myself healthier. I don’t have kids to live for or a significant other to speak of, I’ve done a lot of living and experiencing life, I matter and I want this for me and can’t entertain elsewise. Good luck to you and us all!

 

[Lesa Marie]

I had the same problem so it's more common than you think. I literally cried because I got too small for my underwear brand. I was seriously devastated. It sounds crazy now but at the time, it just felt like I was no longer ME.
Change, even if it's a fantastic thing, is hard. Give yourself a chance to adjust. You'll get used to it.

Well that’s good to know! I always hear people experiencing the complete opposite where they always see the heavier them and not the thinner version. I think it’s called body dysmorphia? I noticed right away that my face was thinning and a few days ago I had to do a double take because I can now see my collarbones. No matter how hard I tried before to see them (yes, I’m funny like that), there was just too much fat covering them up lol.

 

[Tokash]

I had the same problem so it's more common than you think. I literally cried because I got too small for my underwear brand. I was seriously devastated. It sounds crazy now but at the time, it just felt like I was no longer ME.
Change, even if it's a fantastic thing, is hard. Give yourself a chance to adjust. You'll get used to it.

Speaking of, what is with the shortage of underwear? I am literally wear too big of underwear because I can not find any size 6 that are not granny panties...at best those are only wore for periods.

 

[Stephm44]

The comfortable in our own skin post got me thinking. I know, you probably didn't think that was possible, but occasionally it happens!

As an obese person, there are times I have lied to myself and convinced myself that I was perfectly happy with how I looked.

Deep down, I knew it wasn't true, especially when we moved to Boulder, CO, one of the most fit cities in the country. Athletes come here to train. I stick out like a sore thumb here. I do most of my shopping and all of my swimming in the city just north of us, where I fit (pun intended) in much better.

So my question is, when they say to be comfortable in your own skin, or promote big is beautiful, or whatever, does anyone ever really buy into it? Or is it just a temporary thing to do to make them feel better about themselves for a while.

When I told an obese friend of my husband's that I was having bariatric surgery, his response was "why would you take one of the greatest pleasures of life away from yourself"? My response to him was "Because I want to continue living to enjoy all the other pleasures in life".

Now I know men and women feel differently about their bodies. Culture has put much more emphasis on a woman's weight than on a man's. A man does not get judged until he becomes morbidly obese, while a woman becomes critized when she is chubby.

Over the years, I've been told by many people that I shouldn't be obsessed about my body image. I am what God made me. I don't believe that either. I was brought into this world a normal sized baby girl.

Unfortunately for me, I was born into a family of parents who believed chubby was healthy. Parents who had six kids, and then went on to become alcoholics, and left the responsibility of taking care of their brood to their eldest daughter (me).

I could only cook what we had in the house, mostly hamburger helper and stuff like that. All of us grew up obese. It was the lifestyle we led. We knew no other.

All of my life, I have been worried about eating in public. Are people watching me? Do they think, that is why she is so fat?

So anyway, what happens to get us to the point of bariatric surgery? If it was my decision alone, I would have done it 20 years ago. My husband though believed it was taking the easy way out, and it took 20 years of losing and gaining, and finally a skyrocketing A1C and several doctors to finally convince him that I NEED this surgery.

What convinced you?

I’m embarrassed to say that I was one of those who had biases about surgery. I didn’t judge overweight people, I was one. But I judged WLS.
I have success in every other area of my life. I just couldn’t comprehend why I couldn’t drop the weight and why I was continuing to gain. I was embarrassed by my weight to the point it was affecting being around others. My husband is very fit. I didn’t want to embarrass him, though he has never once made me feel bad about my weight. It’s all me.
I loved who I am inside, I’d done lots of thereby, and I have a good life. but I could never shake the weight.
My bestie had surgery 8 yrs ago and while I admired how it changed her life, I had the “I’ll never have surgery.” Attitude. I was scared of what I”d have to give up. But years of failing no matter what, (and I’ve done it all from diets to therapy to hypnosis, and trainers) left my labs with everything high, pre diabetic, arthritis, sleep apnea, and high potential for cardiac. I couldn’t exercise the way I used too. I lost my ability to make any further use of traditional weight loss. I was ready. What I learned about obesity from my team shocked me. I now see obesity as a medical condition, and it should be treated as such by people with much more experience than me.
I’m only ten days out but I am a champion of obesity as a disease in itself, and getting help at every level.
surgery was my last option and I have deepest gratitude that it was still an option. It’s giving me a chance to do over. I get to continue living this life I love.
WLS was a difficult decision to make but once I did, I was all in. It couldn’t happen fast enough. As fate would have it it, I had to wait almost a year before I could do it.
I am no longer afraid of what I had to give up or what I won’t be able to have. I look forward to wI’m going.
I came out on face book, and I didnt and don’t care what what anyone thinks. It’s my journey. I’m a little angry at the WL industry for the huge amounts of mis information, and Doctors for failing to really help their patients. I do believe in not body shaming, but I do not believe that being obese is healthy. It’s just not showing up yet.
my hair is falling out and I don’t care. I’ll never drink beer again snd I don’t care. I have five pretty wounds that will scar. I don’t care. I may have to have skin removal in a few years. I don’t care.
WLS is saving my life. I’m good to go.

 

[missyinacage]

Speaking of, what is with the shortage of underwear? I am literally wear too big of underwear because I can not find any size 6 that are not granny panties...at best those are only wore for periods.

Right?! And I prefer the boy shorts, which you can hardly find anyway! I found some in Cali while we were there in June and bought 20 pair. My husband was like "How many do you NEED?!?!?" lol I need as many as I can get cuz I've wasted a ton of $$ trying different ones that I hate or that don't fit!