This post was in my outbox since yesterday. I forgot to hit post so I am sending it now
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MB, I gather you discovered something about your heart that needs fixing or MAY cause difficulty for you while sustaining your life under anesthesia. But I know that no reputable surgeon proceed with surgery if there were dangers that outweighed the benefit.
When I decided to have surgery there was a 1% chance of death. That's one person out of every hundred. I believe because of life experience that there were many other surgeries and office procedures that have a much higher mortality rate. And yet we do those surgeries every day. I am not at all concerned about the possibility of mortality while undergoing bariatric surgery.
A friend saw me stressing out. I've been having panic attacks for the last 3 days. I am talking major crazy panic attacks that have no source that I can trace them to. My only recourse is to take 2mg of Klonopin and then try to lay down. She actually offered a different tack. She said, "Breathe in and out three times, in through your nose, out through your mouth."
Of course I've heard that many times. It usually has some effect. But yesterday when I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff in a pool of slime, her little breathing exercise really helped me.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know I'm not telling you anything you don't know already. Fear is just one of the constant messages that go around in the hamster wheel of your brain. One thing that a lot of people don't recognize is that losing weight is a loss. It's a loss like losing your house, or having your car stolen, or losing your wallet. You are a stranger, unknown to everyone. The day before you were the fat girl or the person who was ashamed to go out in public.
When you reach your goal or even get close to it, and find your Mobility improves and your heart is stronger oh, then you have somebody new to put out there and introducing to people.
I suffered many losses, like the boyfriend who didn't find me sexy anymore, but nothing was worse than the beautiful clothes I had hanging in my closet that I would never be able to wear again.
Everyday, I'll be thinking of you.
