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People troubles

3momchaos

3momchaos

Member
Y’all know I am totally open about my gastric bypass, but recently I’ve been having issues with people asking me how they should lose weight, what to eat, what diet is best, and things along those lines. My mom and aunt are probably the worst about it, neither of them need to lose more that 30 lbs, but I keep explaining to both of them that the way I eat is for my new self, that they need to do what works for them. Other than telling them to make sure they’re getting enough protein and control serving sizes, I don’t make any suggestions. They self deprecate once second then compliment me the next, “You look skinnier every time I see you, and I look fatter!”, is the one I hear the most. I always tell them that neither are true, because they aren’t. Other people have just asked for tips and tricks, and I’ll say portion size, protein, and strong mentality, so that’s not so bad. Anyone else have people who literally want them to create an eating plan for them?! I’m trying to be sensitive with them, but at the same time if they’re both really serious they need to see a dietitian or someone who can really help with their individual needs. Plus they’re driving me crazy about it!
 
My presurgery log is what I tell people to follow. Made the log into a booklet. I gave out booklets when people who want to lose pounds ask. I explain: following that program you will never feel hungry. It has three meals and three snacks. It has portion control and exercise requirement, forgot to put water requirement in. With the ability to log how your day went. My granddaughter lost 10 pounds in six weeks she even consulted the dietician at the grocery store. One of the office workers at the VA Asked and she loves the log book. There is an uploaded photo of it in pictures. If anyone wants I can scan for duplicating just have to be courageous and open computer.
 
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I wrote my plan down in two pages, hoping my very obese (now dead) sister could follow it and have some success. But I never told anyone in my family anout my surgery.

My information is posted down below, in our resource section. It's a good tool for opening a dialog and doesn't put me on the spot. Once they see what I did to change, they can't run fast enough to get away.

I just chuckle and post this picture:

4033
 
Judy, I think they're looking for a magical formula because they're in denial.

The last thing obese people try is eating less and more healthy. They are ALWAYS seeking the "secret" diet they're certain you found.

Most think WLS is cheating. Honestly, they have a wrong answer for everything. If you tell them they're eating too much, they'll say, "Nah... that's not it..."

It's not just a river in Egypt.
 
dianeseattle said:
Judy, I think they're looking for a magical formula because they're in denial.

The last thing obese people try is eating less and more healthy. They are ALWAYS seeking the "secret" diet they're certain you found.

Most think WLS is cheating. Honestly, they have a wrong answer for everything. If you tell them they're eating too much, they'll say, "Nah... that's not it..."

It's not just a river in Egypt.
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While eating less is a common need in over weight people its not always the case. Sometimes they actually need to eat more and healthier choices.

My family is by and large thin to average. I get questions sometimes from a couple people but I think its more out of suspicion and trying to find out what I did but I have yet to fall into that trap. These days I float between 162-165 and that is "big" for my family(well my moms, don't know about the other side). I would love to drop another 10 but I'm also content where I am at knowing that it if was for the skin I would likely be under my goal weight.
 
Tokash said:
While eating less is a common need in over weight people its not always the case. Sometimes they actually need to eat more and healthier choices.

My family is by and large thin to average. I get questions sometimes from a couple people but I think its more out of suspicion and trying to find out what I did but I have yet to fall into that trap. These days I float between 162-165 and that is "big" for my family(well my moms, don't know about the other side). I would love to drop another 10 but I'm also content where I am at knowing that it if was for the skin I would likely be under my goal weight.
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My mom is an old school dieter, so she’ll just have salad with all veggies and no protein. I told her that she should at least add shredded chicken or tuna or eggs to it. Anything to give her protein. She just had her second knee replacement revision surgery (replacing the replacement), so I told her that right now she need to eat for healing and stop worrying about weight loss. She only needs to lose about 15 pounds before she is happy-those are her requirements, not any doctors or anyone else’s. She healthy other than her knees healing, but it’s something she won’t let go.
 
Isn't it crazy how everyone who wants to lose a few pounds pretends that they don't actually know how to eat healthy? I remember at the very beginning of my journey, I told my nutritionist that I didn't know how to eat healthy. I was not raised on healthy foods at all. She said "You know more than you think you do." and she was right. Everyone knows what has caused or is causing their weight issues.
I do find that some members of my family use my success as another excuse to beat themselves up over their weight. That is a heavy burden to carry, when sometimes just seeing me becomes "oh my god! I have got to get on the ball! I've totally let myself go!" It's hard because sometimes I feel like I'm the cause of their insecurity.
 
Missy, you know you're not, because you used to be them.

I can't think of the right words right now, but there must be a response that reflects the fact that they should use you as an inspiration, not another thing to beat themselves up. They should congatulate you and ask if you have any tips they can use to join you!

Otherwise, isn't this the definition of a back-handed compliment? Ouch!

I wanted to spite my family, after years of being under their control and enabling. I know, that's a little mean of me. But they were ready for me. They pretended they didnt notice I'd lost 115 pounds.

I got perspective right away and just focused on my victory. Only one of my sisters was honest and shocked. I reached out and tried to help her with nutritional suggestions because I knew she'd never go for surgery.

So she took that support and twisted it, even though she wanted to change. Her weight got higher, her CHF and diabetes grew, one after another her toes were amputated, then a foot, then both legs up to the knee, and then she died.

She would have changed, if she could. She was just too compromised. I dont blame her. Losing her was agony. Obesity is an obscene eating disorder that first takes your mental health, then your body.
 
missyinacage said:
Isn't it crazy how everyone who wants to lose a few pounds pretends that they don't actually know how to eat healthy? I remember at the very beginning of my journey, I told my nutritionist that I didn't know how to eat healthy. I was not raised on healthy foods at all. She said "You know more than you think you do." and she was right. Everyone knows what has caused or is causing their weight issues.
I do find that some members of my family use my success as another excuse to beat themselves up over their weight. That is a heavy burden to carry, when sometimes just seeing me becomes "oh my god! I have got to get on the ball! I've totally let myself go!" It's hard because sometimes I feel like I'm the cause of their insecurity.
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Diane is absolutely correct and I hope you know it too, that you are NOT the cause of their insecurity. Keep doing what you are doing. If they are making you feel that way, that is their issue only. Part of me can understand that feeling when someone else is successful and I can't get it together. But certainly that would be my own issue, not the issue of anyone else. So stay in your lane Missy! And I hope the others around you do the same!!
 
dianeseattle said:
Judy, I think they're looking for a magical formula because they're in denial.

The last thing obese people try is eating less and more healthy. They are ALWAYS seeking the "secret" diet they're certain you found.

Most think WLS is cheating. Honestly, they have a wrong answer for everything. If you tell them they're eating too much, they'll say, "Nah... that's not it..."

It's not just a river in Egypt.
Click to expand...
Diane you hit the nail on the head, about people wanting the magical solution to their weight problem (or any other problem, really), then believing WLS is the easy way out. As if... :rolleyes:
 
Ain't it the truth! I used to think the same thing, that weight loss surgery was the easy way out. But it's not. Not only do you have to deal with recovery from the weight loss surgery oh, but you also have to change your eating style before and after and for the rest of your life. A diet would be easy in comparison.
 
Diets are fad,
Eating is a way of life
Eating alone does not make you healthy or unhealthy.
Lack of Eating right and lack of activity is a negative impact on health.
Chefs & Food companies sell product through the use of Sweet (Sugar), Savory (Butter), and Salty (sodium) all of which is not healthy outside of moderation.
Routines are a death nail in self improvement.

In the words of David Goggins, "Think of something every day that sucks to do and do it." That guy is an absolute savage and I would encourage anyone to go on youtube and lookup several videos on the man on his life to how he got to where he is now.

I would also refer them to this video. I followed this for awhile and am following it now. This is a simple lifestyle change for me. Cook good food from scratch. Being aware of ingredients and their effects on the body to see if you may want to substitute something else or simply reduce you intake. Really it's about not being lazy and submitting to fast food, processed food and being aware of portions, nutrients and better ratios to plate. Watch The Perfect Human Diet | Prime Video when you can refer them to something like that, it's simple and it takes the weight off your shoulders. If it doesn't I would suggest Weight Watchers if they are just trying to loose a few pounds.
 
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