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Stopping the cycle

3momchaos

3momchaos

Member
My 12 y/o son is SO much like me that when I see his eating habits, it stresses me out because I don’t want him to end up like me. He is big for his age but big all around. He’s almost 5’5 and weighs 165lbs. Yesterday he saw a new doctor, and I asked him to do some blood work for a concern unrelated to his weight. I got some of the results back today, and his triglycerides are through the roof! They’re higher than mine were before I had surgery. I have tried to talk to him in the past about how quickly he eats, how much food he shovels in at once, and the amount he eats, but he just doesn’t understand. He also sneaks food. I’ve found wrappers and trash hidden in couch cushions and his room. The crazy part is he is extremely active and loves fruits, veggies, seafood, and good meats. I’ve cut down the amount of carb loaded and starchy foods I buy just because I personally don’t want the temptation in front of me. I guess we’ll be making more changes to our whole families eating, but I’m trying to figure out the best, most positive way to go about doing this. He’s transitioning into his teen years, and he already has body confidence issues because he’s been made fun of for being fat, but I also don’t want this to look like a diet. I want him to realize these changes are for long term health benefits. I feel like a bad mom that he’s in this position, but I’d be a bad mom if I didn’t worry. I don’t want him to develop a food complex, so I’m not sure the best way to go about this. Any helpful advice is welcome along with any food ideas for helping with lowering triglycerides.
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My mom raised my siblings and me believing chubby was healthy. All six of us ended up morbidly obese. Three of my siblings had bypass surgery years ago, one committed suicide, one became a police officer and is on disability from a head injury, and I am finally having my bypass surgery. I would have had my surgery years ago, but it took me 20 years to convince my husband I needed help.

Now, about my kids. I have two daughters currently they are 31 and 33. Because of what I went through as a "fat" kid, I was so determined not to put my kids through that. I put them in sports. We tried soccer, t-ball, gymnastics, cheerleading and finally the one that stuck swimming. At the time, I weighed between 220-270 pounds depending on what else was going on. I was a single parent, worked from home, and it was not uncommon to come home to no power because I couldn't pay the electric bill, but I kept them on the swim team.

The girls were slim, muscular and extremely fit until well after the day the moved out of my home. I eventually remarried, my husband adopted them both, we were financially stable, so keeping them in sports was no longer a hardship.

My husband also led a very healthy lifestyle and helped me lose 100 lbs.
My older daughter not only continued swimming, but also ran cross country and played rugby.

Both of my daughters have since struggled with obesity. My youngest daughter struggled first. She eventually lost the weight, but I see she battles it constantly.

My older daughter started gaining weight when she started vet school. The stress, combined with the lack of time for physical activity and real work outs was the perfect recipe for weight gain. She recently had her first baby, and I spent two weeks with her and her husband. They have a work out room that they utilize a lot. They talk a lot about how healthy they eat, but I am not so sure about that. They are very active, and now have a new baby.

Anyway, bottomline, the point I was trying to to make is that you can do everything possible to break a cycle, you may do everything right, but in the end the responsibility lies on the individual. Also, there is also likely a strong genetic component. Don't blame yourself. Do want you can. Your son has to do his part. We all know as obese people, being reminded that we are obese can sometimes do more harm than good. We see it every time we look in the mirror. I'd suggest trying to find a sport, or summer activity that he might like.
 
Does he like to play any sports or bike or hike or swim, skating, bowling?.. heck I'm trying to think of anything, not just traditional "group sports". Two of my boys are really into doing tricks on their scooters right now. I feel like my kids could eat better too, and it's my fault, I'm the one buying the groceries, but they are very active and not overweight so I guess I let the donut for breakfast slide more than I should.
 
Gardening, maybe set up his own lawn mowing business doing a few neighbor's yards? Horseback riding, golf...I just keep thinking because sometimes just trying something new will excite him or spark a new interest, or like with the lawn mowing he'll make money while being active and kids love money so they can buy stuff! Well, I just re-read your post and you said he's very active so, I don't know, I know boys in that tween stage do get a little chubby and then bam- a growth spurt comes and they look more like men than boys. So that could be the case I guess. Maybe he's triggered a bit because you have to watch what you eat, hence the hiding. I don't know, I'm no psychologist, just trying to think of it from his point of view perhaps.
 
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That is a very good question, how DO we stop the cycle? I agree with buying heathy foods to have in the house and leave junk food as special occasion only. Also activities that were mentioned are great because it not only keeps them away from food but burns calories too. But I have been there with my kids and know that it isn't easy.

As far as the triglycerides go, try replacing sweets with fruits and veggies (maybe accompanied by a healthy dip). If he is drinking sugar loaded beverages, find a better alternative. Exercise helps too, so getting him into activities would be a good thing.

I think Covid has been very hard on kids. Hopefully as things start to return to normal (that is if we can avoid another wave from the Delta variant) things will get better for a lot of kids who are probably eating more and exercising less due to all the quarantining .

Most of all, don't beat yourself up over this. It is so easy to fall into America's unhealthy diet culture when it is all around us from marketing, peer pressure and the wide availability in the stores. When you know better, you do better. You are setting a good example of taking care of yourself and adopting better eating. I think I would just stress the importance of healthy eating rather than weight if he questions where are all his favorite foods. Or maybe better yet, cut the bad foods out gradually so he has a treat now and then instead of every day and it won't seem like the rug has been pulled out from under him.

I wish you luck as I know this isn't easy. Please keep us posted as to how he is doing, I imagine there are others in this group with similar concerns.
 
JudyNY said:
That is a very good question, how DO we stop the cycle? I agree with buying heathy foods to have in the house and leave junk food as special occasion only. Also activities that were mentioned are great because it not only keeps them away from food but burns calories too. But I have been there with my kids and know that it isn't easy.

As far as the triglycerides go, try replacing sweets with fruits and veggies (maybe accompanied by a healthy dip). If he is drinking sugar loaded beverages, find a better alternative. Exercise helps too, so getting him into activities would be a good thing.

I think Covid has been very hard on kids. Hopefully as things start to return to normal (that is if we can avoid another wave from the Delta variant) things will get better for a lot of kids who are probably eating more and exercising less due to all the quarantining .

Most of all, don't beat yourself up over this. It is so easy to fall into America's unhealthy diet culture when it is all around us from marketing, peer pressure and the wide availability in the stores. When you know better, you do better. You are setting a good example of taking care of yourself and adopting better eating. I think I would just stress the importance of healthy eating rather than weight if he questions where are all his favorite foods. Or maybe better yet, cut the bad foods out gradually so he has a treat now and then instead of every day and it won't seem like the rug has been pulled out from under him.

I wish you luck as I know this isn't easy. Please keep us posted as to how he is doing, I imagine there are others in this group with similar concerns.
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So true, Covid has been very hard on kids, something to keep in mind.
 
He loves to ride his bike and be outside. Unfortunately, none of his friends like to be active, so it’s hard on him. He is on a bowling league, loves it and is very good at it. As far as other organized sports go, he doesn’t like them because he has some language delays, so oral and written directions take him time to process-longer than quick paced sports allow. He doesn’t do well with anything that has complicated directions. He did play soccer and flag football for a few seasons, but he didn’t want to keep up with them. He is starting to get into horseback riding as well, so that’s another thing that will work his muscles.
We’ve never kept soda in the house, and he only has one once a week during bowling league. He generally drinks water or milk, occasionally he’ll have tea.
He loves fruits and veggies, but when other things are in the house he’ll pick those first. So, it’ll be up to me to stop buying those things. I think it’s a good idea to have treats sparingly to make them more special.
 
These days it is getting harder and harder to keep kids active. They communicate via text when they are next door.

I do have a weird idea. My husband and I own a rock and mineral business. One thing we have found is that almost all kids love rocks, from toddlers to beyond teens. I don't know where you live, but a lot of places have organizations designed to get young people involved.

We sell out of our home. My husband spends hours teaching young people about the origins of rocks. We don't go Rock hounding ourselves, we go to wholesale shows, but believe me, hauling rocks is not easy.

If your son is at all interested in rocks, get him a rock tumbler. Send him out on a hike to collect some samples. You'll be amazed at how different the average rock looks when it's been tumbled. Tumbling takes time and patience, but when you find something amazing it can be worth it.

I don't want to post a link to our business here, but can send it to you if you want. How much physical activity he would get would greatly depend on your location. If you lived near a wholesale dealer, he could get a job packing and unpacking boxes, and get a great education too!

If he really takes an interest, I want you to contact me. We can discuss your general location and ideas about getting your son involved in the rock and mineral community.

Like I said, it is a weird thought. I'd like to help if I can and be willing to send you some sample rocks to see if they spark any interest.

Good luck.
 
What he really wants to do is go herping (searching for reptiles and amphibians). While I’m not completely opposed, it does make me nervous because he wants to handle the snakes, but also he’s severely allergic to poison ivy, so there’s that too. For example, he brushed against some Friday afternoon, and his face is currently covered in rash. We do need to learn what it looks like better, so I guess it could be a good challenge.
 
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3momchaos said:
My 12 y/o son is SO much like me that when I see his eating habits, it stresses me out because I don’t want him to end up like me. He is big for his age but big all around. He’s almost 5’5 and weighs 165lbs. Yesterday he saw a new doctor, and I asked him to do some blood work for a concern unrelated to his weight. I got some of the results back today, and his triglycerides are through the roof! They’re higher than mine were before I had surgery. I have tried to talk to him in the past about how quickly he eats, how much food he shovels in at once, and the amount he eats, but he just doesn’t understand. He also sneaks food. I’ve found wrappers and trash hidden in couch cushions and his room. The crazy part is he is extremely active and loves fruits, veggies, seafood, and good meats. I’ve cut down the amount of carb loaded and starchy foods I buy just because I personally don’t want the temptation in front of me. I guess we’ll be making more changes to our whole families eating, but I’m trying to figure out the best, most positive way to go about doing this. He’s transitioning into his teen years, and he already has body confidence issues because he’s been made fun of for being fat, but I also don’t want this to look like a diet. I want him to realize these changes are for long term health benefits. I feel like a bad mom that he’s in this position, but I’d be a bad mom if I didn’t worry. I don’t want him to develop a food complex, so I’m not sure the best way to go about this. Any helpful advice is welcome along with any food ideas for helping with lowering triglycerides. View attachment 4102
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My 14 yr old son is 5’10 and 170ish and although he doesn’t eat a ton it’s the type of foods he does consume that I worry about. He never liked veggies even as a baby. He would gag on most of them. Now, I am very guilty of teaching him that food is a reward no matter the situation. Our idea of entertainment always revolved around food. So now that this has changed for me Im also trying to change this for our family as a whole. So far so good but I am working a little harder with my son since he picked up all the bad habits from me (including eating late at night). I have started having him take his vitamins again and he is also walking on my treadmill 5 days a week. We are starting with 15 min daily and working our way up to 30 min. I myself am at 30-40 min but would like to reach a total of 45 min daily 5x/week. And don’t feel bad for wanting to have an honest conversation with him bc I tell both my older kids that I never want them to go through what I have and to never let themselves even get to that point where they feel like there’s no other way. Being that I homeschool, both my husband and I think it’s so very important to teach them life lessons and be as real as we can with them.
 
Kathi_S said:
These days it is getting harder and harder to keep kids active. They communicate via text when they are next door.

I do have a weird idea. My husband and I own a rock and mineral business. One thing we have found is that almost all kids love rocks, from toddlers to beyond teens. I don't know where you live, but a lot of places have organizations designed to get young people involved.

We sell out of our home. My husband spends hours teaching young people about the origins of rocks. We don't go Rock hounding ourselves, we go to wholesale shows, but believe me, hauling rocks is not easy.

If your son is at all interested in rocks, get him a rock tumbler. Send him out on a hike to collect some samples. You'll be amazed at how different the average rock looks when it's been tumbled. Tumbling takes time and patience, but when you find something amazing it can be worth it.

I don't want to post a link to our business here, but can send it to you if you want. How much physical activity he would get would greatly depend on your location. If you lived near a wholesale dealer, he could get a job packing and unpacking boxes, and get a great education too!

If he really takes an interest, I want you to contact me. We can discuss your general location and ideas about getting your son involved in the rock and mineral community.

Like I said, it is a weird thought. I'd like to help if I can and be willing to send you some sample rocks to see if they spark any interest.

Good luck.
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My 13 year old granddaughter is into rocks and crystals. I took her crystal shopping a couple of weeks ago and she was in her glory. She surprised me with how much she knows about them. When my son was around her age we got him a rock tumbler. I'll have to ask her if that is something she would like to do.
 
I think this is probably an issue for many of us. Science has known for years that there is a "fat gene" and at least some portion of obesity is hereditary. (thank goodness they stopped calling it that, but that's how the discovery was introduced to the public.) SO, I think you are 100% correct in your concerns. I see a lot of people addressing activities to help him and exercise is good. But honestly, I think your biggest concern should be the fact that he is sneaking/hiding food. To me that suggests a bigger problem than even the triglycerides, as it can lead to even higher numbers, more weight gain and an unhealthy relationship with food later on. I wish I had an answer for how to fix that. It will depend on why he's doing it. Is he ashamed he's eating unhealthy foods? Does he feel like you'll be disappointed if you see him eating them? Is he just trying to spare you the temptation? Is he getting adequate food at mealtimes? (I'm not suggesting you don't allow him enough food. He might be in a growth spurt stage.) Once you find that out, you can deal with the rest.
 
I think he sneaks food so he can have something without his siblings having it also. But he has other sneaky behaviors too which we’re addressing. Whenever I find wrappers and trash I ask him how often I tell him no to a snack, and he says no, which is true, BUT I don’t let them have “treats” for snack. I tell them it has to be a fruit, veggie, or even a sandwich (depending on the time of day). He already loves to look which I think is awesome. He’s really good at it too. Sometimes I wonder if he’s eating enough at meals, but he really can eat a lot at one sitting, something I used to do as well. While we’re eating I ask him to slow down, chew throughly, take smaller bites so he can enjoy the meal longer. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. It’ll be a process, and one that will involve helping him have a health relationship with food. Lord knows the world doesn’t need another person with a food complex.
 
I have an idea I don’t know if it will help or not. What if he plans the menus and does the shopping? The relationship of foods to eating choices are interesting. I learned a lot on my pre-surgery food log. The one thing I can honestly say is that if I had that 5-10 years before I might have been able to avoid the weight loss surgery. The way the log was set up I never felt hungry I do confess I can be a picky eater, but I lost a good amount of weight before surgery. Another idea is get an ingredient off the label of a snack the more foreign and unpronounceable it is ….and research what it is and how it works and if it is nutritional, filler or dangerous. It is just an idea. No you are not a bad mom. As a former social worker you are doing a great job.
 
3momchaos said:
My 12 y/o son is SO much like me that when I see his eating habits, it stresses me out because I don’t want him to end up like me. He is big for his age but big all around. He’s almost 5’5 and weighs 165lbs. Yesterday he saw a new doctor, and I asked him to do some blood work for a concern unrelated to his weight. I got some of the results back today, and his triglycerides are through the roof! They’re higher than mine were before I had surgery. I have tried to talk to him in the past about how quickly he eats, how much food he shovels in at once, and the amount he eats, but he just doesn’t understand. He also sneaks food. I’ve found wrappers and trash hidden in couch cushions and his room. The crazy part is he is extremely active and loves fruits, veggies, seafood, and good meats. I’ve cut down the amount of carb loaded and starchy foods I buy just because I personally don’t want the temptation in front of me. I guess we’ll be making more changes to our whole families eating, but I’m trying to figure out the best, most positive way to go about doing this. He’s transitioning into his teen years, and he already has body confidence issues because he’s been made fun of for being fat, but I also don’t want this to look like a diet. I want him to realize these changes are for long term health benefits. I feel like a bad mom that he’s in this position, but I’d be a bad mom if I didn’t worry. I don’t want him to develop a food complex, so I’m not sure the best way to go about this. Any helpful advice is welcome along with any food ideas for helping with lowering triglycerides. View attachment 4102
Click to expand...
Well if U don’t buy those high calorie, saturated fat, or high sodium foods where will he be able to get them. Once he realizes Ur onboard to healthy lifestyle he will eat what U buy! Another incentive to a reward system! Maybe there’s a trip/vacation he might like (with Family of course), Maybe he might like a pair of Air Jordon sneakers……maybe U can find out what he might like to have if he is compliant and doesn’t eat out with fast food! Every Family needs to be onboard for Success!
 
We dinner plan as a family, but I like the idea of having him learn food labels. I also think if he started tracking he’d learn a lot about what he’s eating. We actually get school lunch bags, a weeks worth of food at a time, and our district has surprisingly healthy food. That being said, when school goes back into session, I don’t know what his choices will be or if they’re offering extras, but I do know that the public schools have free lunch here now. I’m not sure if it’s like that everywhere, but it’s supposed to be.
 
Health is the reward for healthy eating AND there are MILLIONS OF TREAT FOODS that contain powerful nutrients.

Let him design his menu and help analyze what he chooses. Educate him and see what he comes back with. Its such a positive process, and he gets to feel in control. It's a great learning experience and it teaches you so much, too.
 
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Could we all try to remember that this is a support group and a judgement free zone, please. Children can and should have access to all types of foods. The idea that only health foods should be kept in a household where not everyone has an unhealthy relationship with food is unrealistic. As parents our job is to guide our children, not control them. This should be a place where we can discuss our concerns without being told how we should be acting. Thanks.
 
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