Struggling with insecurities that come with major weight loss

[AmyG]

Hello All! My name is Amy. I had the gastric sleeve on May 4, 2011. I have lost 131 pounds and have decided to go a little further to lose a total of 145. I started out at 270 pounds. My current goal is 125.

I joined this support group because I am struggling with a number of things that have come as a result of my weight loss. Some of the things I am dealing with are all of the attention I now receive from the opposite sex, financial issues related to having to buy new clothes as I keep losing weight, coming to terms with the loose flesh that I now have that won't go away with exercise, etc. Granted, these are all good problems to have, but they are problems nonetheless. I also still have a hard time looking at myself objectively. When I look in the mirror, I still see a fat person. If I look at pictures of myself, I can be more objective.

I need a community where I can reach out to others who are struggling with these same things. Most other weight related groups focus on trying to lose weight. This is not what I want or need. I need support with emotional and spiritual issues that come with being newly thin.

If anyone would like to offer some words of wisdom, I would be sincerely grateful. I am open to making new friends here online but I would also be interested in making contact with locals in the Atlanta area for possible face-to-face meetups.

Looking forward to hearing from all of you!

Amy

 

[StinkerBelle]

Amy,

I am going through the same issues...

The attention from the opposite sex is rather disturbing to me on many levels.. I am a survivor of long term sexual abuse as a young child, domestic violence survivor from 1st husband, attachment disorder due to being an adoptee, weight issues and now major weight loss.... I am not processing the correlation between my weight loss and being obese, I am the same person now that I was then...

The hanging skin is rather interesting... I have managed to keep a very positive attitude to this issue.. I choose to laugh and joke about it all.

I too have fat brain... My brain has NOT caught up to my new body. My friends and neighbors have been wonderful in helping me with this issue...

I did have an interesting interaction with a neighbor this past weekend. She still continues to say I have not reached skinny... This is a woman who has not ever had kids nor has she had to watch her weight.. She is nothing more than a jealous nosey biotch.

Clothing, LOL.... Old Navy, Ross, Target has become great friends... Old Navy has weekly awesome clearance sales in store... I have found clothes there on clearance than I can find at the re-sale shops...

 

[AmyG]

Thanks for your words, StinkerBelle. I, too, was molested as a child. I'm sure that, along with being the "fat" kid, caused so many of my self-esteem issues that fed into my weight problems as an adult. My relationships with men over the years have been spotty at best. I was married twice and didn't choose wisely either time though my second marriage ended not with divorce but due to my husband's death. The attention I get from men now is a double-edged sword. I love the attention but I am also afraid of it. I don't want to be fooled by the attention into thinking it's more than just that - attention.

I have been shopping a lot at Goodwill but even that becomes expensive when you're going there all the time. I try to buy only what I need to get me through the week. To buy anymore than that at this point would be a waste. A whole new wardrobe would be futile until I know I'm done losing. I will also try Old Navy. There's one close by.

Congrats on your weight loss BTW!

Any other words of wisdom from you or from others would be greatly appreciated.

Amy

 

[FatToSag]

I'm still adjusting to not being, frankly, a 600 lb shut-in.

Now I can be a cool guy if I'm given the chance. I weigh a still-heavy but not disastrous ~320. I've also started lifting, etc.

I can't say I get tons of attention from the opposite sex but I have yet to get used to the sea-change in reaction from the opposite sex myself. I can't claim they're tossing panties at me exactly, but I'm getting little bits of "chemistry" that I still don't quite know what to do with.

Full disclosure: I'm on the shallow end of the autistic spectrum so I'm slightly socially... 'off' I guess? Still, it's nice to feel the new possibilities for life and love, but it's also rather frightening. I'm sure a male perspective is a bit different; attention from women rarely feels creepy or physically dangerous, but the change is still jarring, even if entirely positive.

 

[Cheyenne]

Anyone who has not had much experience with the opposite sex for whatever reason, is going to feel insecure and nervous. May I suggest to join activities that you enjoy that would put you in a group of people with the same interests and work on friendships with others that could possibly lead to romance once others get to know you. Physical imperfections such as loose skin only go skin deep and once people become friends and get to know what a great guy you are then it may open the door for deeper relationships. You may even want to join a group of others who have had bariatric surgery too. If there are none in your area then start a group. There are many people who are looking for friendships, love and companionship. Just shine your personality and get out there and meet people! Good luck!


Cheyenne

 

[FatToSag]

Thanks for the advice I'm steering my life in that direction, trust me.

Anyhow, I'm not judging people's sex lives, not my business, but I dare say that in the 33 years between us standards for males have skyrocketed in some areas and plummeted in others. It's not necessarily for any evil reason; more women are just able to earn on their own and feel safer, so needing a provider/protector is less attractive. It's just the shifting landscape, not good or evil.

Granted, I'm over 30. The rules are a bit different than when I floundered about in my 20s, and other things besides looks for guys are starting to come to the fore.