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Struggling with the mental side

R

Regretthesurgery

Member
I had my sleeve beginning of May. I am struggling with the mental side so hard. This surgery has exacerbated a lot of GI problems I’ve always had. (Dairy allergy, and Gastroparesis.) I regret having this surgery for so many reasons. I feel like I made the worst decision of my life doing this. I’m so angry at myself. I’ve gained 10lbs in a week, and my Dr just said, “walk more and eat more protein”. NOTHING settles on my stomach. Everything makes me nauseous. Everything. Ugh. I’m so angry. I just want to constantly punch a hole in the wall. Everything makes me mad. I’m so lost and have no one.
 
First, let me say, You Have US. We're here for you and what you're experiencing has been experienced by others. You can scroll through years and years of posts and find people with similar challenges.

I lost 115 pounds and believe me, there was sagging where I'd never sagged before. But check out the post-op photo I've attached below. That's my "after" photo, and even if you can't see the doughy flesh and sagging that IS THERE, I wouldn't trade my new body for my old one for any reason. I'm 16 years out from my surgery and muscles and fat have shifted around, but compared to what I looked like at my highest weight, I couldn't care less. I was 57 years old in that photo and never felt stronger or younger.

I'm 72 now and I still have that outfit and can still wear it, though there's some added jiggle and obviously I look older, but I'd have the surgery again and again to get there. I'll post another picture after this post to show you how I used to look.

Your doctor is right, though maybe not about walking more. I joined the YMCA and it became part of my day 6 times a week. I learned to swim. I walked the treadmills. I did light weightlifting. I've had ulcers and nausea during parts of my life, but I did what my doctor said, took the necessary medications, and over time, because I added movement, things got a lot better. I don't know what can be done for dairy allergy, but I know gastroparesis can be treated.

If you gained 10 pounds in a week, you must have been eating a lot of food. That's science. No way do you gain 10 pounds a week as a result of gastric bypass surgery. Start keeping a journal and write down every single crumb or slurp you put into your body. Be HONEST. If you actually weigh 10 pounds more after a week, you either have a serious medical condition or you're eating a lot of food.

And one of the most intense, powerful symptoms of obesity is a self-loathing eating disorder. I've got THAT, too. For that matter, anger is a powerful enemy. In AA, drunks say, "I'm so mad, I'm gonna drink AT you." Well, we eat at people or frustrations or messages or disappointment or loss or a million other emotions. That comes from a deep-seated self of inferiority or a response to abuse or other self-destructive behaviors that are TRYING TO MAKE YOU FAIL, so you can live up to some negative message that was probably planted there by a parent, or abuse, rape, violence, being robbed, or constant brainwashing that told you you're not good enough & never will be. For whatever reason, these attacks on our beautiful, pure souls manage to get through to our belief about who we are. You weren't born with them, but you've been trained to hate yourself on some level, for some reason. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

And some people, like me, are unable to see their true reflections in a mirror. This is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, where you just cannot see your true size, and/or see a hugely obese person when you're actually skinny.

There's so much more I wish I could tell you, but let me make a suggestion instead. There's a book I recommend passionately called The Only Diet There Is. It's not a food diet book; it's a diet from negative thinking. It helps you develop affirmations and you can use an affirmation anytime a negative though pops into your head. The trick is repeating the affirmation over and over, as many times as you need to, until the negative thought can't be heard anymore. One of my affirmations was, "Everything I eat turns to health and beauty." Try it. Say it until the negative thought goes away. Just as negative thoughts about what a failure you are will help you keep failing, positive thoughts will help you believe in yourself.

You are a work in progress. We ALL ARE. You're born innocent and (we hope) without cruel thoughts being thrown at you. But then, it seems everyone has an opinion about you, and attack you with the negative ones. One time when I was still obese, I was crossing the street in front of this pickup truck full of boys and they MOOOOOOOED at me, laughing their asses off when I burst into tears. At the time, it really hurt, and for a long time afterward. Now, I just tell it as a story and it doesn't hurt me. Obviously, there was something really wrong with those boys.

Here's my photo a year after RYGB surgery:

5608


And just to simplify things, here's my photo before RYGB:

5609


There was a time when I couldn't look at that photo. Now I'm SO GLAD I have it.

Smile. Cry. Read that book I mentioned. It's online in PDF format so you don't even have to buy it. Write yourself some affirmations, as a love letter to yourself. You're beautiful. Tell yourself that.

5610


Thank you for trusting us with your story and sharing your frustrations. Now, please try to trust yourself and share love with your body and soul.
 
The first stages after surgery are truely a challenge. It is a matter of resetting your thinking that is the hardest. This is a place where you can share and find inspiration. Many of us have challenges as we go through this journey. Some of us have supportive people in our lives, some of us have people who try to make us feel guilty, and some of us don’t have a network of people to be there for us hence feeling alone. This site offers you a lot of resources in your new situation. Don’t be afraid to search, read and see that you really are not alone. You did the hardest part, jumping through all the requirements you are stronger and better than you are giving yourself credit for. Diane is very wise and has guided and helped so many of us here. check out the information and book that she recommends.
 
dianeseattle said:
First, let me say, You Have US. We're here for you and what you're experiencing has been experienced by others. You can scroll through years and years of posts and find people with similar challenges.

I lost 115 pounds and believe me, there was sagging where I'd never sagged before. But check out the post-op photo I've attached below. That's my "after" photo, and even if you can't see the doughy flesh and sagging that IS THERE, I wouldn't trade my new body for my old one for any reason. I'm 16 years out from my surgery and muscles and fat have shifted around, but compared to what I looked like at my highest weight, I couldn't care less. I was 57 years old in that photo and never felt stronger or younger.

I'm 72 now and I still have that outfit and can still wear it, though there's some added jiggle and obviously I look older, but I'd have the surgery again and again to get there. I'll post another picture after this post to show you how I used to look.

Your doctor is right, though maybe not about walking more. I joined the YMCA and it became part of my day 6 times a week. I learned to swim. I walked the treadmills. I did light weightlifting. I've had ulcers and nausea during parts of my life, but I did what my doctor said, took the necessary medications, and over time, because I added movement, things got a lot better. I don't know what can be done for dairy allergy, but I know gastroparesis can be treated.

If you gained 10 pounds in a week, you must have been eating a lot of food. That's science. No way do you gain 10 pounds a week as a result of gastric bypass surgery. Start keeping a journal and write down every single crumb or slurp you put into your body. Be HONEST. If you actually weigh 10 pounds more after a week, you either have a serious medical condition or you're eating a lot of food.

And one of the most intense, powerful symptoms of obesity is a self-loathing eating disorder. I've got THAT, too. For that matter, anger is a powerful enemy. In AA, drunks say, "I'm so mad, I'm gonna drink AT you." Well, we eat at people or frustrations or messages or disappointment or loss or a million other emotions. That comes from a deep-seated self of inferiority or a response to abuse or other self-destructive behaviors that are TRYING TO MAKE YOU FAIL, so you can live up to some negative message that was probably planted there by a parent, or abuse, rape, violence, being robbed, or constant brainwashing that told you you're not good enough & never will be. For whatever reason, these attacks on our beautiful, pure souls manage to get through to our belief about who we are. You weren't born with them, but you've been trained to hate yourself on some level, for some reason. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

And some people, like me, are unable to see their true reflections in a mirror. This is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, where you just cannot see your true size, and/or see a hugely obese person when you're actually skinny.

There's so much more I wish I could tell you, but let me make a suggestion instead. There's a book I recommend passionately called The Only Diet There Is. It's not a food diet book; it's a diet from negative thinking. It helps you develop affirmations and you can use an affirmation anytime a negative though pops into your head. The trick is repeating the affirmation over and over, as many times as you need to, until the negative thought can't be heard anymore. One of my affirmations was, "Everything I eat turns to health and beauty." Try it. Say it until the negative thought goes away. Just as negative thoughts about what a failure you are will help you keep failing, positive thoughts will help you believe in yourself.

You are a work in progress. We ALL ARE. You're born innocent and (we hope) without cruel thoughts being thrown at you. But then, it seems everyone has an opinion about you, and attack you with the negative ones. One time when I was still obese, I was crossing the street in front of this pickup truck full of boys and they MOOOOOOOED at me, laughing their asses off when I burst into tears. At the time, it really hurt, and for a long time afterward. Now, I just tell it as a story and it doesn't hurt me. Obviously, there was something really wrong with those boys.

Here's my photo a year after RYGB surgery:

View attachment 5608

And just to simplify things, here's my photo before RYGB:

View attachment 5609

There was a time when I couldn't look at that photo. Now I'm SO GLAD I have it.

Smile. Cry. Read that book I mentioned. It's online in PDF format so you don't even have to buy it. Write yourself some affirmations, as a love letter to yourself. You're beautiful. Tell yourself that.

View attachment 5610

Thank you for trusting us with your story and sharing your frustrations. Now, please try to trust yourself and share love with your body and soul.
Click to expand...
Good plan
 
Roni said:
Diane is very wise and has guided and helped so many of us here. check out the information and book that she recommends.
Click to expand...

And if you want to be inspired, read the last year or so of Roni's posts. What she's been through is unbelievable, and all the hard work she's done at the same time is incredible. We're very lucky to have her here, and that she takes the time and care to support us all, even when she's been living through so much pain of her own. Thank you, Roni.
 
dianeseattle said:
First, let me say, You Have US. We're here for you and what you're experiencing has been experienced by others. You can scroll through years and years of posts and find people with similar challenges.

I lost 115 pounds and believe me, there was sagging where I'd never sagged before. But check out the post-op photo I've attached below. That's my "after" photo, and even if you can't see the doughy flesh and sagging that IS THERE, I wouldn't trade my new body for my old one for any reason. I'm 16 years out from my surgery and muscles and fat have shifted around, but compared to what I looked like at my highest weight, I couldn't care less. I was 57 years old in that photo and never felt stronger or younger.

I'm 72 now and I still have that outfit and can still wear it, though there's some added jiggle and obviously I look older, but I'd have the surgery again and again to get there. I'll post another picture after this post to show you how I used to look.

Your doctor is right, though maybe not about walking more. I joined the YMCA and it became part of my day 6 times a week. I learned to swim. I walked the treadmills. I did light weightlifting. I've had ulcers and nausea during parts of my life, but I did what my doctor said, took the necessary medications, and over time, because I added movement, things got a lot better. I don't know what can be done for dairy allergy, but I know gastroparesis can be treated.

If you gained 10 pounds in a week, you must have been eating a lot of food. That's science. No way do you gain 10 pounds a week as a result of gastric bypass surgery. Start keeping a journal and write down every single crumb or slurp you put into your body. Be HONEST. If you actually weigh 10 pounds more after a week, you either have a serious medical condition or you're eating a lot of food.

And one of the most intense, powerful symptoms of obesity is a self-loathing eating disorder. I've got THAT, too. For that matter, anger is a powerful enemy. In AA, drunks say, "I'm so mad, I'm gonna drink AT you." Well, we eat at people or frustrations or messages or disappointment or loss or a million other emotions. That comes from a deep-seated self of inferiority or a response to abuse or other self-destructive behaviors that are TRYING TO MAKE YOU FAIL, so you can live up to some negative message that was probably planted there by a parent, or abuse, rape, violence, being robbed, or constant brainwashing that told you you're not good enough & never will be. For whatever reason, these attacks on our beautiful, pure souls manage to get through to our belief about who we are. You weren't born with them, but you've been trained to hate yourself on some level, for some reason. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

And some people, like me, are unable to see their true reflections in a mirror. This is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, where you just cannot see your true size, and/or see a hugely obese person when you're actually skinny.

There's so much more I wish I could tell you, but let me make a suggestion instead. There's a book I recommend passionately called The Only Diet There Is. It's not a food diet book; it's a diet from negative thinking. It helps you develop affirmations and you can use an affirmation anytime a negative though pops into your head. The trick is repeating the affirmation over and over, as many times as you need to, until the negative thought can't be heard anymore. One of my affirmations was, "Everything I eat turns to health and beauty." Try it. Say it until the negative thought goes away. Just as negative thoughts about what a failure you are will help you keep failing, positive thoughts will help you believe in yourself.

You are a work in progress. We ALL ARE. You're born innocent and (we hope) without cruel thoughts being thrown at you. But then, it seems everyone has an opinion about you, and attack you with the negative ones. One time when I was still obese, I was crossing the street in front of this pickup truck full of boys and they MOOOOOOOED at me, laughing their asses off when I burst into tears. At the time, it really hurt, and for a long time afterward. Now, I just tell it as a story and it doesn't hurt me. Obviously, there was something really wrong with those boys.

Here's my photo a year after RYGB surgery:

View attachment 5608

And just to simplify things, here's my photo before RYGB:

View attachment 5609

There was a time when I couldn't look at that photo. Now I'm SO GLAD I have it.

Smile. Cry. Read that book I mentioned. It's online in PDF format so you don't even have to buy it. Write yourself some affirmations, as a love letter to yourself. You're beautiful. Tell yourself that.

View attachment 5610

Thank you for trusting us with your story and sharing your frustrations. Now, please try to trust yourself and share love with your body and soul.
Click to expand...
Thank you SO much! Thank you also for sharing your journey!
I will read this book for sure!
 
Roni said:
The first stages after surgery are truely a challenge. It is a matter of resetting your thinking that is the hardest. This is a place where you can share and find inspiration. Many of us have challenges as we go through this journey. Some of us have supportive people in our lives, some of us have people who try to make us feel guilty, and some of us don’t have a network of people to be there for us hence feeling alone. This site offers you a lot of resources in your new situation. Don’t be afraid to search, read and see that you really are not alone. You did the hardest part, jumping through all the requirements you are stronger and better than you are giving yourself credit for. Diane is very wise and has guided and helped so many of us here. check out the information and book that she recommends.
Click to expand...
Thank you! I will do this! It is nice to have people to talk to that get it.
 
I am in the same boat. I can’t eat anymore oatmeal
or yogurt. Nothing tastes good at all. I am trying so hard to try to introduce more food but I just can’t seem to find anything that sits right. I am always nauseous and I am also starting to regret this surgery. I am 5 weeks out and it is soo soo hard! I am crying almost every night. I am waiting for the day I feel good. Please someone tell me I will eventually be able to eat a variety of food (in my 5 oz meals) and not feel awful all the time!
 
Oh, ladies! I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I promise, it DOES get better. I had a fairly easy time of it but when my husband had his surgery, he was miserable for weeks. Much like the two of you he couldn't seem to eat anything without becoming nauseous and felt like he'd ruined his life. Now, he is down 120lbs and feels amazing. He tries to talk every obese person we know into having WLS.

A few tips to get you through the rough beginning:

1. Call your health care team. Insist on anti nausea medication. Its hard enough without feeling like you're going to upchuck all the time.

2. Don't try to eat the 4-5oz you were told you can eat. That is advice for later!! You just had at least 3/4 of an ORGAN removed. It is not fully healed. And, you're probably not actually hungry yet. You're mentally hungry. That is a whole different issue. (And the hardest part of this whole journey!)

3. When you advance to a new stage, only do so for dinner. And start with 1-2 oz to see how it settles. So, yogurt for breakfast, shake for lunch 1-2 oz of chicken for dinner (ground or slow cooked works better in the beginning stages) with a few tablespoons of mashed veg.

I found slow cooked foods easier to digest. Some things that worked well for us were chicken and salsa, ground turkey meatballs with spaghetti sauce, ground chicken used as a base for chicken parmesan, ground pork for a black bean chili .. That type of stuff. I still can't eat 5oz of steak.

Slow it down and give yourself time. It IS hard. It is also the best thing you will ever do for yourself. In another few months you're going to think so too!
 
So many doctors and groups do not adequately discuss the mental aspect of this journey. The first months to a year are what I found to be the most challenging mentally, with the first six probably the height of the challenge. The mental/emotional aspect is not just with our surgeries... any time you have a major surgery, there is an element of this mental struggle/depression, etc. My husband had it following open heart surgery, I had it following plastic surgery, and I could name other friends and family that have indicated the same with various surgeries. Hold tight... it DOES get better!
 
missyinacage said:
Oh, ladies! I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I promise, it DOES get better. I had a fairly easy time of it but when my husband had his surgery, he was miserable for weeks. Much like the two of you he couldn't seem to eat anything without becoming nauseous and felt like he'd ruined his life. Now, he is down 120lbs and feels amazing. He tries to talk every obese person we know into having WLS.

A few tips to get you through the rough beginning:

1. Call your health care team. Insist on anti nausea medication. Its hard enough without feeling like you're going to upchuck all the time.

2. Don't try to eat the 4-5oz you were told you can eat. That is advice for later!! You just had at least 3/4 of an ORGAN removed. It is not fully healed. And, you're probably not actually hungry yet. You're mentally hungry. That is a whole different issue. (And the hardest part of this whole journey!)

3. When you advance to a new stage, only do so for dinner. And start with 1-2 oz to see how it settles. So, yogurt for breakfast, shake for lunch 1-2 oz of chicken for dinner (ground or slow cooked works better in the beginning stages) with a few tablespoons of mashed veg.

I found slow cooked foods easier to digest. Some things that worked well for us were chicken and salsa, ground turkey meatballs with spaghetti sauce, ground chicken used as a base for chicken parmesan, ground pork for a black bean chili .. That type of stuff. I still can't eat 5oz of steak.

Slow it down and give yourself time. It IS hard. It is also the best thing you will ever do for yourself. In another few months you're going to think so too!
Click to expand...
Can I ask how long it took your husband to be able to eat “normal” approved foods and not feel nauseous? I know everyone is different but just trying to get some perspective. Thank you so much for your response.
 
I think you should notify your surgeon's office. They can prescribe you more anti nausea medication. It's okay to take it daily if you need it, and it sounds like you may need to. I would check in with your surgeon's team too and just let them know what you are experiencing. There were some days I was eating "approved normal foods" and still felt nauseous, even months after my surgery back in January. Good luck! I hope you feel better soon.
 
mam said:
I think you should notify your surgeon's office. They can prescribe you more anti nausea medication. It's okay to take it daily if you need it, and it sounds like you may need to. I would check in with your surgeon's team too and just let them know what you are experiencing. There were some days I was eating "approved normal foods" and still felt nauseous, even months after my surgery back in January. Good luck! I hope you feel better soon.
Click to expand...
Thank you!
 
I would say he was almost 3 months out before he could eat heavier foods without becoming nauseous. His tips (I just asked lol) were eat very slowly and only add one new food at a time. Once you can eat it without nausea, try another. I hope you feel better soon!!
 
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