Unintentional hurtful words

[Kcuster83]

So, I have been with my wife for 17 years. We have been on the YO-YO life together forever. Usually it is me trying to loose weight and she eats what I cook so naturally she looses weight too.
Without getting into details, things have changed a bit. I believe she is an alcoholic, she obviously disagrees.

Anyway, this time around she has not lost any weight. She does eat what I cook, but I guess she is munching and/or the alcohol calories are adding up.
She is and has been VERY supportive since day one!

Point: The other day she asked me how much weight I had lost and that I look so skinny. When I told her she said "you are about to weigh less than me" and I said.. that has never happened because you usually loose weight with me so I never catch "down" to you. She then sharply responded "Well, I don't have half of a stomach".

It literally brought tears to my eyes and I said "That is an EXACT example of why I didn't want to tell people I had surgery". They discount my progress and my hard work and basically think the surgery did everything." as tears dripped from my eyes.
She then said sorry she didn't mean it like that. I really don't think she meant harm but it stabbed me like a knife!

This is literally the exact reason I chose to keep my surgery to myself.

Sorry for my rant, but I wanted to share with people I thought would understand why it was hurtful.

 

[Suthy]

It’s partly why I want to keep my surgery to myself. I’m sorry you were hurt. Is your wife having a hard time because she usually loses weight with you and now she isn’t? Maybe she is feeling a little threatened by your success. My sister and I are having an issue now with that. We have always had an unspoken competition with each other in the weight department, with her almost always being smaller. I can feel her becoming distant since my surgery, which is hurtful. I think sometimes it can take a while for people to adjust.

 

[Kcuster83]

It’s partly why I want to keep my surgery to myself. I’m sorry you were hurt. Is your wife having a hard time because she usually loses weight with you and now she isn’t? Maybe she is feeling a little threatened by your success. My sister and I are having an issue now with that. We have always had an unspoken competition with each other in the weight department, with her almost always being smaller. I can feel her becoming distant since my surgery, which is hurtful. I think sometimes it can take a while for people to adjust.

Maybe, I keep trying to motivate her. We can't make anyone do it. We know, no one could make us do it either.

 

[Jodle]

So, I have been with my wife for 17 years. We have been on the YO-YO life together forever. Usually it is me trying to loose weight and she eats what I cook so naturally she looses weight too.
Without getting into details, things have changed a bit. I believe she is an alcoholic, she obviously disagrees.

Anyway, this time around she has not lost any weight. She does eat what I cook, but I guess she is munching and/or the alcohol calories are adding up.
She is and has been VERY supportive since day one!

Point: The other day she asked me how much weight I had lost and that I look so skinny. When I told her she said "you are about to weigh less than me" and I said.. that has never happened because you usually loose weight with me so I never catch "down" to you. She then sharply responded "Well, I don't have half of a stomach".

It literally brought tears to my eyes and I said "That is an EXACT example of why I didn't want to tell people I had surgery". They discount my progress and my hard work and basically think the surgery did everything." as tears dripped from my eyes.
She then said sorry she didn't mean it like that. I really don't think she meant harm but it stabbed me like a knife!

This is literally the exact reason I chose to keep my surgery to myself.

Sorry for my rant, but I wanted to share with people I thought would understand why it was hurtful.

The first thing my sister said when I saw her just days after my surgery and when I was in some pain was, “so was it worth it just to look good?” I was hurt too. I have so many health issues because of my weight, and that made my decision to have the surgery. I didn’t even try to explain.

 

[missyinacage]

I feel like I am in a unique position here to see both sides, since my husband had the surgery well after me. (TLDR at bottom, since I'm a rambler!)

We all had WLS because its a scientifically proven method to lose a lot of weight. It IS a tool, yes. But its a nail gun, not a hammer. This is not to say we all aren't putting in a TON of work and making crazy sacrifices. (like no solid food for months just as one example lol) But we do have help. That's why we had the surgery!

Right around 2 years seems to be when your tool loses a little power. (Look it up) So, now I am struggling with a few pounds that I never had an issue with before and its not as easy to get it or keep it off. (Not to mention menopause, which adds a whole other weight issue!) I do know that the problem is ME and my choices. But sometimes its tempting to take those ready made excuses. The things I said about year 2 and menopause are true. They just aren't the whole story.

Dave is only 8 months out. Weight loss has slowed sure, but he's still doing a shake for breakfast, eating pretty much only 4 oz of protein for meals etc. SO, I get a lot of advice, intended to be motivating, on how to improve my situation. (Which to be fair, I also gave when this poor man had no tool at his disposal) But knowing all this, I still have to hold back from saying "Just wait! It doesn't stay this easy." Which would be not only hurtful but UNTRUE, as it is never easy, is it?!? And I've HAD the surgery. So, it's got to look a bit like magic for those who haven't.

TLDR You are on a path of self improvement and it IS hard work. But those around you don't have the same tools you have access to. Seeing you succeed can make your loved ones take a hard look at themselves, and the results are not always pretty. If they can mentally decide you're successful because you have something they don't, its easier to look in the mirror. Sometimes that leaks out in hurtful comments. Sometimes our comments about our success can be hurtful as well. Talk it out and give some grace. This shit ain't easy .. for anyone involved.

 

[KarenWV]

So, I have been with my wife for 17 years. We have been on the YO-YO life together forever. Usually it is me trying to loose weight and she eats what I cook so naturally she looses weight too.
Without getting into details, things have changed a bit. I believe she is an alcoholic, she obviously disagrees.

Anyway, this time around she has not lost any weight. She does eat what I cook, but I guess she is munching and/or the alcohol calories are adding up.
She is and has been VERY supportive since day one!

Point: The other day she asked me how much weight I had lost and that I look so skinny. When I told her she said "you are about to weigh less than me" and I said.. that has never happened because you usually loose weight with me so I never catch "down" to you. She then sharply responded "Well, I don't have half of a stomach".

It literally brought tears to my eyes and I said "That is an EXACT example of why I didn't want to tell people I had surgery". They discount my progress and my hard work and basically think the surgery did everything." as tears dripped from my eyes.
She then said sorry she didn't mean it like that. I really don't think she meant harm but it stabbed me like a knife!

This is literally the exact reason I chose to keep my surgery to myself.

Sorry for my rant, but I wanted to share with people I thought would understand why it was hurtful.

I feel sorry for your painful experience. ❤❤❤❤