The negative way you answered my post, paragraph 2, does not help. I came here looking for help and some positive reinforcement. Maybe this site isn’t for me.
I know the mental BS, as you put it, is hard to manage. I am talking to a therapist to get the mind in a better place. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I know having the surgery is not the answer to weight loss that I would have to put everything into a new way of life, thinking.
I have not bought the cookies, candy, chips, ice cream. I can’t have that in the house and I live alone so no one is buying it.
I need help in what things to eat and what to stay away from. What are good proteins to eat? What has helped others when they have gained weight? I am looking for support.
Missy's post was well thought-out, intimate and supportive. I'm going to offer you a theory that I hope you'll ponder. You are having a lot of trouble so you came here asking for help. But instead of accepting the help gratefully, you let your EATING DISORDER lash out. It's not anyone's job to tell you what to eat or extend a great deal of specific help to anyone, but Missy actually did a really good job of trying to offer guidance.
You'll probably dislike my response as well, but just for a minute, consider that you are being victimized by your mental health as it relates to an eating disorder that's caused you a great deal of sadness and anger.
The trick to getting the monkey off your back is to be honest, humble, open to ideas, prepare yourself for a new kind of agony. What usually happens is there's some kind of shaming or criticism that worms its way into your emotional heart and makes you feel like shit. And no matter how much you know it's wrong, someone got their hooks in you and you can't get unhooked. Getting rid of that negative inner voice is a horror movie, and we all wish we could look away and it would go away. But unfortunately, we didn't deserve all that abuse to begin with, yet somehow, someone or something invaded our brains and lied to us, told us we were worthless, and eating was a warm fuzzy hug that was pretty, tasty, filling and wonderful.
If you're still listening, please let me suggest you do a search through the group and look for plans people have shared. I still eat sugar and drink soda, but not to excess, and I have no shame about it. I cook sometimes elaborate meals that are gourmet in nature, eat candy and cookies and cake in small amounts occasionally, and food isn't the center of my existence anymore.
And when you feel angry or sad or critical of yourself, stop right there. Whose voice is really talking to you? You were born perfect, full of love and joy. Along the way, people said nasty things to you or you got the wrong impression from photos of supermodels and superficiality. But you didn't deserve that.
I once crossed the street in front of a pickup full of rednecks in a nearby town. They mooooooed at me and laughed and hooted and said more rude things to me because I was fat. In my damaged heart, I cried and felt ashamed, like it was my fault. Like I should be thin. It took a few minutes but then I was able to shift my focus back to the jerks in the pickup truck and even though they were the majority and it was hilariously fun for them to mock me, I knew better. It's so ironic that there are mean things we'd NEVER say to a stranger we didn't find attractive, but in America, it seems perfectly okay to pick on the obese, or any person we think is ugly.
If you go to my profile page, you'll find a lot of nutritional information in two files I posted there. It may help answer the questions you're trying to find answers to.
In any event, when I read Missy's post, I thought, "This is just about the best, most helpful post I've ever read." I thought you were really lucky to get a response from her because it was so well-written and kind.
And I didn't respond to your post because honestly, it felt like something I might have written once upon a time. I knew I couldn't help you any more than I could've helped myself back then. But you do have all my best wishes and I hope you find answers to your questions. Don't be afraid to admit to your problems, do nutritional research, share all this with your therapist and take small steps to improve your life. I say this with love and understanding and hope that's okay with you.
