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Coming up on my two year anniversary and I still feel inferior to everyone!

R

Raevenn

Member
July 29th will be my two year anniversary and although I believe I've done very well...I still feel the need to hide myself away. I started my journey at 363 lbs at the age of 41. I'm 43 and I've dropped down to 179lbs...my goal is 160. I know that at this point I should be sooo happy with my progress, especially since I've had a fairly easy time. I developed an ulcer right after my surgery, but with a couple months of meds it healed and I haven't really had any other issues. I've had friends and family that had gastic bypass, lost a ton of weight, then put it back on...I was determined to not follow in their foot steps, so I made the decision to not go back to sugar at all. I've never even attempted to have any sweets, I don't drink soda, not even diet, and I measure all my portions. I've also had great success with eating all my meals from a salad plate to help with portion control!
With that said...I hate the way I look. Sure I can buy clothes off the rack instead of having to go to Lane Bryant or use a catalog site, but I have this huge deposit of skin around my waist that falls to almost mid-thigh. You can see it in every pair of pants I own. And let's not even mention my arms, thighs, butt, and even my calves. I've worked out with weights until I was ready to pass out for the last two years, but nothing has helped tighten the skin. I'm so thrilled with my weight loss, but this new issue has me hiding just as much as when I was almost 400 lbs. I'm single and alone and I don't see that ever changing because I could never let anyone see me...I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I see a therapist, but it's not been very helpful. Please tell me I'm not the only one feeling this way... :(
 
Raevenn-Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your fantastic weight loss. Your journey has been wonderful but I feel the pain you are going through. Although I am not there yet I'm sure I will have the same issue with excess skin as I get closer to my goal weight. I have said in the past that I do not plan on having any surgery to remove skin unless I have a medical issue like rashes or infections. Until now I haven't considered the psychological aspects. I have only seen a couple of other posts addressing loose skin but yours is by far the most compelling. For us ladies I think this is even more of a concern than for guys but I could be wrong. I'm down 57 pounds and my arms look terrible but I am dealing with it so far. When I look at them I just think that I have worked hard to earn the way they look *LOL* Sometimes we just have to laugh to feel better :)

The options are very limited: do nothing, lose more weight to see if the condition improves at all or have corrective surgery. I know for sure that most insurances cover the tummy tuck and arms but it varies for the rest of the surgeries. I'm sure this will change over time as more and more people have WLS.

Is there something preventing you from considering corrective surgery? I have heard it's not a pleasant thing to go through but the end result is a good thing, especially for someone who is having a difficult time coping. I don't know what else to say except to try not to be so hard on yourself. Afterall, you worked so very hard to lose the weight you did. Please make sure to come back to the forum to let us know how you are doing.
 
Hi Raevenn, Welcome. Congratulations on the weight loss and staying on track, I slipped a couple of times in the past two years but I caught myself and got back on track. I still have body issues and do not like looking in the mirror. I do have flab that I can't get rid of too, even working with weights, I have noticed my belly flab when I put on a pair of pants, I am not sure if others see but I am certenly self conciouse of it, I also have arm flab that I hear every once in a while when I run. Since my job has always been very physical involving lots of walking and hiking somy legs have very little fat so that is about the only area I don't have excess flab on. I still wont take my shirt off in public or even around friends because I don't like the way I look. I guess we have two choices 1 have corrective surgery to remove theexcess flab or 2 do our best to get comfotable with what we look like, my main reason for doing this was my health, but once we feel good I guess we want to look our best:eek: I don't want another surgery though so I will have to start feeling better about how I look. So you are not the only one who feels this way. Don't give up on yourself or other people, sometimes other will see in us what we don't see in ourselves. :cool: Tom
 
Hi Raevenn and Tom,

You both have described my biggest fear with this WLS, I have much more to loose so I am not at your point yet. I understand the self image issue, even though I am not as far as you I am down 88 pounds, I see no change in my apperance and find myself getting depressed over it. All I see is the same obese person looking back at me. So I can only imagine the skin issue.

That being said it is what is inside of us that counts, are body is our shell, not who we are as people, and as people I'm sure you are both beautiful. So to heck with the skin think of what accopmplishment you have made and what wonderful people you are and that is where true beauty lies.
 
I'm depressed as heck & don't see any difference though I've lost close to 10% of my body wt.
I too, wonder if I'll see the same pathetic person w/hanging skin, less the fat that used to puff it up so to speak.
Will I ever be able to wear "normal" clothes w/o an elastic waist ever again?
My husband says he loves me & the weight isn't a reason he doesn't or would leave.
I'd like to think that losing weight will improve frequency in marital situations.
Will all this excess skin just be more of a bad memory & complication?

I hurt a lot right now & have had an open surgery that went 14 inches vertically from above my pubi area up just under my breasts.
I call it my scar of survival since I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer Stage 1A at age 35 & only had to overcome this surgery to be cured.

I cry just about every single day at least once; I should be rejoicing but I'm not.
Is it possible that it's all so new & the scope of the surg was large & I'm still healing (large hiatal hernia + rny).

I share all of your thoughts & concerns so I may not have good advice but want you to know you're far from alone.
 
Raeveen, No one can tell us how we feel and we can hate ourselves at any point, but I keep thinking there are ways to cover-up some of the new flaws, but when we were up there in weight nothing could hide us, try a positive list, list all the positive things going for you now you have lost all this weight. See if there is a support group you could join with other people in the same place you are, keep coming back to this forum, we all need each other. I will keep you in my prayers.
Bobbi
 
Hi Raevenn,

I called one of our RNs in our program yesterday & shared w/her my feelings & symptoms; also, I took a tumbe off the second last step on our deck onto concrete below. Mind you I landed on my right side and am healing from a dislocated shoulder accident from May 15, 2012.

Nedra reminded me that no one goes into this surgery expecting to wear a hot bikini at the beach and win any beauty contests. We are doing this for us, to improve our health, life and well being. We can't compare ourselves to others. Are you better off today than you were 2 yrs ago? My guess is yes & should be celebrated.

Our life before the surgery is in the past and should be left there. A new life began after each of us had our surgery. Move forward w/confidence that you arrived at the decision after careful thought and consideration for yourself and life beyond.

Don't compare yourself to others, they have no idea what you've overcome and have been able to do in 2 yrs time. Is it normal to feel blue, absolutely. If it happens for too long you need to see someone about couseling and possible meds to help you at this point in your life. You don't deserve to feel inferior because you're not. None of this has been easy; I've never heard that from anyone. It requires a daily, constant effort but the results seem to support that the effort is worth the benefit. Also, I have yet to hear or read one person say that they wished they'd never had the surgery.

What's done is done, leave it behind. From running the numbers on my calculator you've lost 50.69% of your starting weight; that is AMAZING. More importantly, you have kept it off. Also you are less than 20 lbs from your goal if you choose to keep it at this figure.

I can't change how you feel & your most certainly entitled to feel the way you do but I just wanted to share what Nedra shared w/me and remind you of all the positives to celebrate rather than negatives to dwell one. Just think how much more difficult it was to move around in your body 2 hrs ago, how easily you tired and how any other medical situations have improved and possibly less medication you make take today.

Is it difficult to stop seeing the painful person we used to be rather than the healthier one in the mirror today; I imagine it is. But you are no longer the fat person you used to see. You've lost more than half of your body weight so in a sense you've lost half the person who made you feel inferior, unhappy & unhealthy.

I hope these words serve to make things a little easier for you. I'm feeling better today after my call to Nedra yesterday & she told me to call back again on Monday if I needed to. People care, people are proud of you and people admire and are impressed and encouraged by your accomplishments. There must be things you are proud of today that you've been able to overcome and put in the past. Hopefully your feelings of inferiority will join them.

A most happy, healthy anniversary to you from me, Mary in Milwaukee along with all the other, highly supportive members of this on-line support group.
 
I'm so glad I joined this forum. Raevenn's comment is really an eye-opener to the many problems one can have even after everything "works out". Thank you, Raevenn but you are helping me more than I can help you. When the experts tell you to do the research before the surgery, I thought they meant read the statistics and medical papers. Duh.
 
I wasn't finished but I must have hit the send button.
Anyway, the only thing I can think of that you might consider is that women in their early forties can start going through peri-menopause and emotionally, it's like getting hit by a mack truck. Unless you live with someone who asks you every day "what's wrong??" it's hard to sort out that it might be a hormone thing.
I, personally, had to go on antidepressants at that time and I feel very good. I will try to get off them after surgery, but if I can't, so be it. It can be a wonderful tool that earlier generations of women didn't have.
 
Hi everyone! Years ago i lost enough wt to realize plastic surgery was a benefit i wanted. I had a tummy tuck and inner thigh reduction which i have never regretted. Gainging wt. Was my worst nightmare....but i will have more plastic surgery when it is time even if i have to pay for it. I am dealing with the same issues everyone else is about my body image. Yet the medical improvements outweigh the physical at least that is how i feel today. Wt. Reduction does effect our chemistry so know that the body and mind are always changing and it is ok to get the medical help we need. Great job everyone for caring. Elaine
 
Raevenn,

My heart goes out to you. I am 1/3rd the person I was 3 years ago; going from 320 down to current 127 or so. I have a fold, not too bad, but it's there and I could fly if I jumped nakie off of one of the mountaintops. LOL. Gotta love bat wings.

Here is what I want youto do and wrap your heart around it.....you have accomplished what very few people on this entire planet of billions of people have been able to do. YOU ARE IN THE TOP 1% OF THE POPULATION. YOU ARE SPECIAL. You have got to stop comparing yourself to people that have not even come close to what you have done. I sure as heck understand doing it, but wow, you are beating yourself down. Stop it!!!! Because, Darlin, they have nothing on you!

The Lord has given each of us different challenges in our lives. Yours...OURS...is the weight. You have already climbed up and over your physical challenge. Now you can quietly figure the rest out. The weight is gone. YAY. Now you say you want to look better. So make a plan.

My plan was to talk with my primary doc and see what I can do to have surgery to remove the extra skin. Easy peasy. The fold is medically necessary, as is removal of batwings. Both can cause rashes and infections. Yay! I went and discussed with dermatologist then plastic surgeon. Well guess what? No way do I want to go under the knife to have it all removed. But it became MY choice. Alternate plan.

Work out and hide it with clothes. NO ONE except my husband and children have EVER seen the wrinkly skin. Would I like to be perfect. Heck yes. But, Hon, no one is perfect. So...my plan...work it off. I know it can be done because inspite of being told it's skin you can't do it, I have seen too many athletes that have lost a lot of weight that look really good.

Maybe I'll give in one day, but it just plain scares me. So for now, I have chosen...those are the magic words... I HAVE CHOSEN my path to be the working out.

So...you have a decision to make..how will you handle this challenge. Sitting in your house hating yourself is NOT an option, nor is it a decision. So that is not a decision. LOL. Think on it, Darlin. Choose the path and work at it. If down the line it's not working...you can always change direction.

In the meantime.....you go get your hair done, I mean full blown hair done....wash, cut, perm, color, highlights..whatever. Then go over to the cosmetologist and get your nails done...then...and I know the men won't understand this one..but we ladies do...go buy yourself a nice bra!!!!

Then go out to a movie or theater ... anyplace public .... and Darlin... SMILE! You have earned it!

Let us know how you are doing.

I am thinking of you and will be..how can I not? You and I are fighting the same challenge. *smiles*

Life is great!

Letrell
 
Hi everyone
I'm having the issue of a large "apron" also after losing 185 lbs.I suppose at around the two year mark(10 months from now)I'll look into the surgery.Our support group speaker 2 months ago was a plastic surgeon from our medical group who explained everything pretty well and I got to talk to one of the women that actually had it done.I deal with my body image on a daily basis like we all seem to do but I feel that the improved health outweighs the fact that I have to deal with some unwanted skin.Saying that,I need to add that I would rather it wasn't there!
I guess the bottom line is I care about my looks but I care more about the life of activity and energy that having the surgery has given back to me.I have many friends in and out of group that support me and the ones that don't,wellllll-Ya know how it goes---@#%@# em !!!! Did I mention I wore a size 60 pants and now my 34s are getting loose and my 4XL shirts are mediums and larges now
It's all about us anyway-Right !
Take Care Everybody
Ron
 
Thank you for your comment on my post. I just wanted to touch base and make sure you know that although I still have issues with my body...I have never regretted my decision to have surgery. I sometimes wish I would have done it earlier (I was 41), but then I remember why I waited...I knew I wasn't ready before. As I said in my original post I was determined to not be someone who went through the surgery and then gained the weight back. When I was ready I did it and I am very proud of my results. I am literally half the size I was before. I used to go to 'specialty shops' to buy clothes because I needed a 4x top and a
32w in pants...and of course they had to have elastic waists! (And let's not talk about the prices..) Now I walk into WalMart and buy super cute t-shirts in a XL that cost $7 and I can buy jeans...yes actual Wrangler jeans with a 34 inch waist! I knew I would never have a bikini body and I've never wanted to be a size zero, but I do wish I could at least get rid of the huge amount of skin and blubber that was left behind around my waist. I'd have the surgery, but I have one of the few insurances that won't pay for it, so I'm stuck. But it's okay...I would still do it again tomorrow just to be able to walk without get winded!
 
Raevenn-Hey, wear it proudly...you earned it my friend!!! If I were to ever notice a skin flap or batwings on another person I would know immediately how they got them and would probably have to restrain myself so I wouldn't give them a great big hug :) People get arrested these days for doing stuff like that to strangers *LOL*
 
I am 62 years old and will not have surgery to remove the extra skin. I have not lost nearly the amount of weight you ladies have and I don't know how things would be if I had. What I do know is you have done a wonderful job. You made a very difficult decision when you decided to take this journey. A journey that will last a lifetime. May God bless you and help you travel the rest of this journey with as little pain, physical and emotional, as possible.
 
I am so glad you said that, Pat!!!! I love it when I go for vitals and the question always asked is, Are you happy with the weight loss?". Yhey can tell by my batwings. When I tell them I lost just under 200 lbs I enjoy the comments that raise my feelings about myself just a bit more. Life is good.
 
I love these comments! I too am just about 2 years in and have had those doubts with body issues and the "pouches" that have now formed due to losing all of my weight. I once weight 311 and now down to 190. I do feel great and would never take back getting the surgery. I feel that it has opened up so much for me. Sure I still have the "fat girl" snydrome where I will go into a clothes section and go right to the plus department and realize that I do not belong there any more. It is hard, and some of my friends dont realize it, when I go shopping or out to eat. Some of my friends who dont know I had the surgery wonder why I eat like a bird, but it is all part about my new life. I too have the "bat wings" and sometimes mess around with my family and say that I can use my wings to file.. lol My mom doesnt really think its funny but I have a good humor side to me that needs to laugh at those things. It is very difficult I felt seeing pictures at first from what I was like before. It was such a changed.... I love the new me and try my best to continue to stay positive and only have those positive people around me. I hope that I can learn so much from this forum ( as I am a new member) that will help me continue on this journey :)
 
to robergnm - thank you so much for your answer to raevenn - it helped me also, and probably many others. this is my very first time on this site, (or anyother), and I am so very happy I found it! I have started to regain my weight, two years post RNY, and am really struggling. Have had enough soul-searching for today, but will be back here tomorrow to talk to many of you!
 
I haven't had the surgery yet but plan to lose about 110 pounds. I've already got belly flab from two child births. In your experience, do you think I'll have a lot more flab after losing the weight? Does Medicare cover cosmetic surgery for a tummy tuck if you have serious lower back problems. Any more excess flab will make my back pain worse.
 
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