Limericks

[Dcepello]

When you're pushing rope sub par
Little blue pills will get only so far
You ain't cutting the mustard
and your getting flustered
Just remember to lick the jar

 

[Dcepello]

The emerald island of Gaelic he began
escaping the great famine was his plan
The wandering Irishman
ended up without a woman
Then somehow he ended up as Mexican

Family reunions we sat around like comedians
Pink and round, others dark an tan like Indians
blue and black eyes tweak
some a warrior's beak
Keeping us together, we were all Dominicans

I love my black and tan relative Mexican
White, pink, black or tan we are all American
From an Ezmeralda Isle
to the new world we did pile
Our dear old sire's name was Mac Moran

 

[Dcepello]

A cougar can't live on belt buckles
and boot leather the big cat chuckles
If your dinning on Texan
and you end up starve'n
You're scaring the crap out when you tackles

 

[Dcepello]

I know what "L" means
It's not in her genes
Tattooed and shaved headed
white T shirt and loose breasted
She just got busted from the Marines

 

[Dcepello]

The trouble with honey goo
at Christopher Robin's zoo
If you feed them
they will come, ehm
And you end up with plenty of poo

 

[Dcepello]

Reaching the limits of natural selection
The new order strives for perfection
Huxley and Clarke
saw the coming lark
Babes in space a new evolution

 

[Dcepello]

You might on the whole disapproved
But her life was certainly improved
Half of her life savings
for divorce court filings
To have 250 pounds of ugly fat removed

 

[Dcepello]

After Easter green grass and sun dresses
Bare shoulders inspire the lady's tresses
A young man's fancy
is often chancy
There on the grass where his manhood presses

 

[Dcepello]

Mistress Moon

Mistress moon has me at heel
Scratching behind my ear with zeal
The legs start to jump
She hits me on the rump
Horne doggie the way she makes me feel

 

[Dcepello]

We wore a horse suite made in Seoul
She was the front, I was the south pole
She wanted to change stride
I must have hurt her pride
She said to me, Go ahead be an arshole

 

[Dcepello]

Twelve pussyfooted steps for affliction
A crutch to escape daily friction
A dope of a cat
hooked on scat
This cat needs to work on her helium addiction

 

[Dcepello]

My frustration gets the best of me
Mercy mercy is my hunched back's plea
I admit my faults
with minimal results
But under my skin, this is my repartee

 

[Dcepello]

It's not about the size of your boat
or the one that got away, the old men gloat
What come around
goes around
What happens when you fish in a moat

 

[Dcepello]

She was a recent convert to religion
The novice was filled with elation
She didn't know how
because she took no vow
Her boy friend said, "She was Jewish by injection."

 

[Dcepello]

Twinkies and roaches will out live us all
Through extinction and nuclear down fall
Rubbed on the skin
this mighty quin
will protect you from an asteroid foul ball

 

[Dcepello]

Lillie Langtry sang like a little bird
Judge Roy Bean liked what he heard
Law west of the Pacos
had unrequited pathos
stretching the necks of those interred

 

[Dcepello]

May your stuffing be tasty and your turkey cause sighs
May your yams be delicious and your pie take the prize
May your potatoes have nary a lump
May your puddings stay plump
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!

 

[Dcepello]

Some space junk just sniffing around
57 dogs from the Soviet dog pound
Laika, was my favorite
canine orbital satellite
Fetching what goes up must come to ground

 

[Dcepello]

Texas City,

There is a place in Texas they call hell
Where the petrochemicals expel
noxious vapors unmatched
Cats have literally scratched
themselves to death trying to cover the smell

 

[Dcepello]

Young people pick no bones
They don't like old folk homes
They say if you want to see
old people themselves pee
They will go see the Rolling Stones