My husband hates my new body, not attracted to me

[Crimson1212]

Your post is full of generalizations that are just insulting. I can't even make all the comments I want to make but let me say how offensive your description of women is. Salons? Makeup? Budgeting for makeup & other glam products? Nails? Tanning? Pedicures? For that matter, you're insulting of men, as well, describing them as shallow creatures who go for looks first and if the looks aren't there, well, buh-bye! Nothing in your post resembles anything in my life at all. And I've been in this group a long time, since 2008, and I have NEVER read a post like yours. You have a serious problem and it's called SEXISM. If you don't think it's a big deal to talk about what is attractive and what is not, just remember that where sexism is about discrimination of one gender toward another, it's exactly the same as RACISM, where one race discriminates against another.

Also, in the time I've been with this group, which is about 95% female, I have heard the dear membership here describe the lowest self-esteem I could ever imagine, largely focused on their inability to believe they are beautiful just the way they are.

Yes, people have preferences. Some people like blondes. Some people like intellect. Some people like pink. There's not an art or emotion or geographical location that isn't at the top of someone's list and at the bottom of another's.

I was ditched by the man I was madly in love with after I had surgery. I didn't have any idea it would happen. It broke my heart. Do you think he cared? He didn't let on at all, though there are some physical features of my body that tend to fall on everyone's hit list. I still loved him and gave him everything he wanted. I had no clue he wanted me fat. If he had ever told me that or stated any preferences, I would have broken up with him before the surgery to spare both of us the pain and disappointment.

Lastly, this is a SUPPORT GROUP. That means we support each other and more specifically, we support our decisions to have this difficult surgery and get on a path back to health. If a man who is NOT a member of this group has a problem, he needs to take it somewhere else, because his criticisms are against our group's rules and guidelines, specifically the companies who PAY for this webspace and donate it to people who have had bariatric surgery. You might want to go to our home page and read them yourself.

I am a member and since its 95% women its a vacum. You only get one side. I was talking to the man and nothing I said was insulting. Maybe hard to hear the truth is a better description. I was in Macys the whole bottom floor, is dedicated to BEAUTY. Im not trying to be mean to you but saying something that is true about how the vast majority of women operate is sexist? You sound like someone who only lets in what makes you feel better about yourself and your choice. Well the choice alot of people make has a varying affect on the spouse or significant other - So next time a MAN shares there HONEST Feeling maybe my post will allow a little air in to your forum to see the other side of this. You dont have to like men or me or our reactions, and frankly I could care less what you think. I just see this is a space to validate your choice clearly not to discuss all the ramification to the other party - that is not the definition of support. The only sexism I see is in the forum and from you. Lastly stating the truth is hard - over 75% of women wear makeup everyday. You can go down the list of everything I said and there is not one false statment or lie about women. My point is makeup is a mask, its not the truth, but try explaining that to a woman. You dont see the real you which is what your forum is all about - lets all wear a mask and make each other feel good. I get it and you definetely will not hear from me again. I actually came here looking for support for a friend of mine who is struggling to stay with his 15 year relationship post surgery. I see from the comments he is screwed just like these other guys. Oh and i suggest you go read up on the definition of SEXISM because you said it several times. Saying the truth is not sexism, we are not excluding woman from anything here, how dare you use RACISM as a comparison. Your whole post is about your feelings - you care less if what i said has merit inside of the minds and hearts of men because it contradicts your emotional state of mind. The only truth is what the subconscious mind says is truth - i suggest you re-evaluate your belief system, or dont...I know cognitive dissonance when i see it. Thank you for the gaslight theatre.