Hi everyone! I have been to the required informational seminar and have an appointment with the surgeon scheduled for next Friday. I've been overweight for almost 20 years now. I did lose about 60lbs on Weight Watchers several years ago, but didn’t keep it off. I am seriously thinking about having the gastric bypass done, but my husband is not really supportive. He doesn’t understand why someone would want to have this type of surgery and practically starve themselves. He thinks diet and exercise are the answer to everything (not that he's skinny by any means, but he does work out some). I've tried explaining that it is just a tool, a reboot, and jump start if you will, to changing everything about my eating and exercise habits. He just doesn’t get it. He says that I don’t exercise now and that my lack of time to do it isn’t going to change. I'd like to think that without so much weight it would be easier to exercise and be active and that I'll find the time in my day. Every time I eat something he says 'You'll never get to have that again'. He's a really good cook and I think that is part of his problem. We also have a middle school aged young daughter and I'm not sure what kind of role model I would be if I do the surgery. I'd like to tell her that I'm doing this to be healthier, but I'm not sure what my husband would say to that. Is there any advice anyone can give me?
New Here
- Thread starter greenegal
- Start date
Missirenee
Member
Welcome! I'm sorry your husband isn't more supportive of you. It sounds like his objections are not completely accurate. Your surgery is a tool to help you eat less. Yes, there will be food restrictions in the beginning while you are healing, but eventually you will be able to eat almost anything you want. However, for most of us, it was the eating anything we wanted that got us to the point we needed weight loss surgery.
Why are you worried about your role-model image changing with your daughter? Are you afraid she will see this as a easy way out? At her age, she is capable of understanding that you have made a decision that will promote good health in your life, and will hopefully extend into your family's life as well.I think you should talk to your husband about respecting your decision, and not to be negative about this decision in front of your daughter. Parenting is hard enough without one parent trying to undermine another.
Many people think WLS is the easy way out. I know I did...it's not. We all still have to watch our calorie intake, and exercise to lose weight just like anyone else.
I wish you the best with whatever decision you make.
Why are you worried about your role-model image changing with your daughter? Are you afraid she will see this as a easy way out? At her age, she is capable of understanding that you have made a decision that will promote good health in your life, and will hopefully extend into your family's life as well.I think you should talk to your husband about respecting your decision, and not to be negative about this decision in front of your daughter. Parenting is hard enough without one parent trying to undermine another.
Many people think WLS is the easy way out. I know I did...it's not. We all still have to watch our calorie intake, and exercise to lose weight just like anyone else.
I wish you the best with whatever decision you make.
Tina
Member
Welcome! I just had my surgery on 3/05 and have no regrets! I have been fat my entire life. Even as a grade schooler a girl at school pointed out how big my ankles were in our knee socks and I remember it still today and that was 40 years ago! WLS is a tool, just to get you back to where you should have been in the beginning before stretching your stomach to hold a pound of food vs. 3-4 ounces. I would suggest you take your husband with you to your support group and first appointment with your surgeon and let him express how he feels. Most likely, it's an underlying feeling of he's going to lose you once the weight is gone. It doesn't make sense, but a lot of times our feelings don't. Hang in there, let your husband read all the bariatric articles, talk with the surgeon, and get his questions answered. Even a visit with the psychologist would probably help to get him on board. Good luck!
fkrebs
Member
Welcome. WLS is a very personal decision and having the full support of loved ones is great, sometimes you just have to move ahead without it. As the others have stated, this is just a tool, it is not a magical cure. You will go through some monumental changes, first in your eating habits and in how much you eat. As you begin to lose weight, your energy levels will go up and you'll be better able to exercise, walking is a great form of exercise. Then your attitude will change, my wife says I'm no longer a grumpy old curmudgeon, that I laugh a whole lot more and am always smiling. At work, my attitude has done a complete 180 from presurgery. I believe that once your husband sees the positive changes he will get on board very quickly and possibly even regret his current stance. Meanwhile, we're here to help you with any questions and we support you.
Frank
Frank