Brenda2010
Member
Sigh... I've mentioned in several past posts that I kept my bypass surgery between me and the 3 closest people to me in my life. Most of my immediate family doesn't even know. I did have to disclose to my HR department since they would be seeing the paperwork from my doctor but told them to keep it confidential. They assured me that I didn't need to provide a reason to anyone, including my supervisor, other than I needed to take a 4 week medical leave. Well yesterday, exactly a year and a half later, I had a google meet with my boss and another coworker and we were joking about medical conditions coming up in our 40s and I mentioned my IBS. My supervisor asked, "Did that start after your gastric bypass surgery"? What???!!! I was stunned. Caught completely off-guard, I just said no and mumbled something about my gallbladder. I just needed to change the subject before it hung out there in the air. My heart was pounding, anxiety and anger at full force. I couldn't even tell you what was discussed after that.
Immediately after the meeting, I opened up a chat and wrote my supervisor that I had asked HR to keep my bypass surgery confidential and was very surprised that she knew about it, and that it was brought up in front of another person. She wrote back apologetically, saying she thought I told her. I said no, that I worked hard to keep it private. That when people asked about it back then, I just hinted about female issues so that the inquiry wouldn't go further. That the only people I told were my sister, brother in law and my best friend. That I had no choice about disclosing to HR since they'd be receiving my disability paperwork from my doctor. She wrote that she values confidentiality and that she would never ask HR why I someone was on leave. I told her that perhaps people suspected since I had lost so much and there was gossip. Maybe hearing that gossip, she assumed it was common knowledge? I have no idea how she found out but I'm sooooooo pissed off! Not to mention, bringing it up with this other woman present... She is the biggest gossip in the office and doesn't care for me. When I went into rehab in 2016, she was the one who everyone heard it from. So I'm outed, period. Confidentiality shattered. I feel like I was punched in the stomach. I asked my boss to speak with her and to please tell her to keep it to the 3 of us. I know this chick will not abide by that but I know my supervisor knows she's in deep if I hear from someone else that they heard it from one of them. I'd probably have grounds for a lawsuit. My boss is an attorney so she knows that this is big. She admitted that even if she thought I'd told her, she should have never assumed that I'd told everyone and mentioned it in the meeting with someone else there. Her last reply was that she must have deduced it since I went out for surgery, lost over 100 pounds and then I was open about my "skin surgery" (an insulting way to phrase it, all I ever called it was BODY CONTOURING surgery) a year later. She said she knows that many people have that done after bypass. So I'm being punished for her assumptions, correct or not.
Now I feel deceitful having had accepted compliments from people about the loss and not disclosing I'd had surgery. The diet plan that I told them I was following was what I was following, and I know that I still earned all the recognition I received for my hard work, but as many of you know, there are people who do not see it that way, will think it was easy for me and I could be perceived as a liar. No matter what, a lot of people are now going to have an opinion. I worked so hard on keeping this private... It was my decision and she stole that from me, a year and a half later.
I know that I can't let others' opinions matter but I am struggling to make my peace with this.
Thanks for listening guys.
Immediately after the meeting, I opened up a chat and wrote my supervisor that I had asked HR to keep my bypass surgery confidential and was very surprised that she knew about it, and that it was brought up in front of another person. She wrote back apologetically, saying she thought I told her. I said no, that I worked hard to keep it private. That when people asked about it back then, I just hinted about female issues so that the inquiry wouldn't go further. That the only people I told were my sister, brother in law and my best friend. That I had no choice about disclosing to HR since they'd be receiving my disability paperwork from my doctor. She wrote that she values confidentiality and that she would never ask HR why I someone was on leave. I told her that perhaps people suspected since I had lost so much and there was gossip. Maybe hearing that gossip, she assumed it was common knowledge? I have no idea how she found out but I'm sooooooo pissed off! Not to mention, bringing it up with this other woman present... She is the biggest gossip in the office and doesn't care for me. When I went into rehab in 2016, she was the one who everyone heard it from. So I'm outed, period. Confidentiality shattered. I feel like I was punched in the stomach. I asked my boss to speak with her and to please tell her to keep it to the 3 of us. I know this chick will not abide by that but I know my supervisor knows she's in deep if I hear from someone else that they heard it from one of them. I'd probably have grounds for a lawsuit. My boss is an attorney so she knows that this is big. She admitted that even if she thought I'd told her, she should have never assumed that I'd told everyone and mentioned it in the meeting with someone else there. Her last reply was that she must have deduced it since I went out for surgery, lost over 100 pounds and then I was open about my "skin surgery" (an insulting way to phrase it, all I ever called it was BODY CONTOURING surgery) a year later. She said she knows that many people have that done after bypass. So I'm being punished for her assumptions, correct or not.
Now I feel deceitful having had accepted compliments from people about the loss and not disclosing I'd had surgery. The diet plan that I told them I was following was what I was following, and I know that I still earned all the recognition I received for my hard work, but as many of you know, there are people who do not see it that way, will think it was easy for me and I could be perceived as a liar. No matter what, a lot of people are now going to have an opinion. I worked so hard on keeping this private... It was my decision and she stole that from me, a year and a half later.
I know that I can't let others' opinions matter but I am struggling to make my peace with this.
Thanks for listening guys.
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