I want to EAT something so badly right now. Just a small bite of a fry. It is killing me. I could sob.
I-slug, I've noticed you're fighting a really intense battle right now and you've been asking a lot of questions about what others have experienced. So I wanted to make more comments than I already have on this topic, which is really craving, related to the mental illness that is an eating disorder.
A lot of people don't recognize the cause of obesity as an eating disorder because they think you have to be anorexic or bulimic. But if you feel like you'll die if you can't shoot up some smack or snort some coke or smoke some crack, you would probably recognize that you have a drug addiction or dependency. Why would it be any different with food?
Overeating leads to death. Period. Obesity leads to an array or cardiovascular and pulmonary problems. It breaks down your body. It destroys your organs. It's the primary cause of so many secondary illnesses that lead to death. it damages your bones. It puts people in wheelchairs. It raises blood sugar and leads to diabetes. And it ruins your life while you're still walking around with everyone else in the world, even though you may not see it or feel it. It's been the leading cause of death in America off and on for as long as I can remember.
Embracing the mental illness angle, seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist or even an MD or ARNP is a very logical and kind step to take for yourself. There are medications unrelated to weight loss that can help lessen obsessive eating and cravings. And there are medications to support the organs and systems that are being medically threatened by morbid obesity.
The fact that people like us don't see this clearly when we need to underscores the fact that it is a disease, a mental illness, an addiction, that needs medical attention. Bypass surgery is such a blessing and as a medical procedure, is so sophisticated. We're so lucky if we qualify for the surgery. But we are constantly told it's not a cure, only a tool, and that's so important to remember.
The problem is, it's not a cookie-cutter solution. You may see similarities in others, but not identical, so not evenly treatable.
The hidden truth in bypass surgery is that it doesn't cure your disease.
The more time you spend accepting the fact that you have a lethal, incurable disease, the more logical it seems to take steps necessary to be able to live with it, to survive it and not to die mercilessly from it. I have watched obesity kills so many people in my family and among my friends. And I understand it intimately because I've had my throat burning from sticking my finger down it, trying to purge so I can eat more and more.
In this support group, we share our stories and we know it's safe to do that. I'm so grateful for everyone here who's been so supportive of me. I'm 16 years post-op, but I didn't find this group for a year or two after surgery. I was lucky I had just become so obsessed with hiking and camping that when I wasn't out in the wilderness, I was at the YMCA training and staying in top shape in my late 50s. But once I found the group and people started growing it back to a healthy size and committing to giving and receiving support, everything became so much easier.
I guess my point is that we choose our mindset and whatever we choose relates to our struggle with obesity. We can obsess over that pile of french fries our kid is eating,, or we can work on self-improvement and most importantly, self-love. Corny as that sounds, loving oneself is the hardest thing to do. Why don't we crave it as intensely as a french fry? Because it's just easier to eat the delicious, fatty, sugary, chewy, yummy thing we can't control and wallow in our desire for it.
So of course, I'm always advising reading good support books, and taking time to go to the gym or get outside. But I think it's just as important not to let ourselves fall into fantasies of overeating and bingeing. And if you can't find strong mental control, get a blank book and journal, or do it on your computer, setting goals for yourself, but not making those goals too hard to reach. The physical act of writing is powerful for directing what you want to think and do.
