• American Bariatrics is a free online Bariatric Support Group. Register for your free account and get access to all of our great features!

How did you tell your friends or loved-ones about your surgery? Did you?

Nymiria

Nymiria

Member
Hey friends!
I'm having the sleeve on June 1st and I can. not. wait!!!!!!!! I am so excited. I want to talk about it all the time - and there's the problem. I haven't told anyone besides my husband!
I feel like I want to tell my best friend because, well, she's my best friend and I know she cares for me and loves me - but I don't want to tell her because she's never struggled with weight and she can be a bit crunchy granola about things - which means me having a surgery would be the last thing she would do if that makes sense.
Should I tell her? How do I tell her? Do I tell other people when I start losing the weight or just keep it private? I'm honestly embarassed because there is already stigma about being heavy in the first place - and the biggest reason I am worried about telling people is I'm so scared if it fails. So worried about failing!
What did you guys do? Any advice? Thanks so much!
 
Everyone has to do what is right for themselves. I personally told everyone. I don't actually care what most people think. so, coworkers and such were no big deal. And I only had one negative comment, to my face anyway lol Not all of my family and friends were necessarily on board in the beginning but came around.

I made a decision to improve my health. Period. I wouldn't have to convince anyone of the health benefit of any other medical procedure, like having my appendix out or chemo, for example. A highly respected doctor at the University of Chicago, (who is not a weight loss surgeon btw), suggested that I look into WLS, as a "cure for obesity". Surely, he knows more about the health risks and benefits than some of the people who suggested I could "just do it on your own".

Some people will judge you. Some people will think they know that you had WLS even if you never tell them. Some people are worth explaining your thought process to. Others are not. But you do not have to justify yourself or your decision to anyone. If you choose to tell and your friend is less than supportive, send her a link to a video about WLS. There are lots of them out there, that explain that the changes obesity causes in your hormones and metabolism are almost impossible to overcome long term without WLS.

Good luck on your journey. BTW, we are ALL scared we're going to fail. That's natural. And useful.
 
I agree with Missy - everyone has to determine what is right for them. My first part of my journey, I ended up losing someone I thought was a best friend because of my choice to go forward. Other than that, most everyone had a positive reaction to my face, with the exception of the ExHole (who I was married to at that time in 2013). He wanted me to stay big because he could "control" me and the attention I received that way. That marriage ended (thankfully).

Fast forward to revision, which ended up being medically necessary (some of you know that whole story - it is in the articles for any that don't and want to). I was much more selective about who I told and how much I told those that I did tell. Not because I particularly care what people think, I just did not wish to invite negativity into my life.

Expect that everyone will not be as excited as you are about your choice. And anyone that is negative, don't let that invade your spirit.
 
I was very selective in who I told. I'm not a person that will qualify or justify my choices to random family/friends/co-workers/ or general all round asshats!

My husband and my girls knew - immediate family was the extent of people I shared my surgical choice with. Some immediate family members can be such sucky ass ball sacks - just not worth the effort.

It ultimately comes down to who you want to tell. If you have wonderfully supportive - non judgmental family and friends tell them whatever you want.

My husband has truly been my ride or die - in it till the end - support system. He's been with me through the good, the bad, the ugly, the what the hell, and even the fuck me sideways shit. He even went to most of my appointments. He's my rock through everything.

Please remember our spouses go through this with us. They can get just as baffled as we do. My husband found my "pointy" bits and thought I had knots - scared him to death.

Just remember this a T O O L - not a cure but it's one hell of ride! Enjoy it!
 
Told everyone and got good feedback from most. My husband was really the only person whose opinion mattered to me. My skinny bendy sister was my harshest critic, but her and I have never been close so I had no problem telling her to go to hell. My mom, who had bypass surgery when I was young and did not do well long term also had some choice words to say along the lines of failure and it being a permanent change to my body that might not work blah blah blah. You have made a huge decision to make a huge life change and that’s not easy. No one here took this decision lightly and without research and a whole lot of soul searching. Hopefully people will see just how good this will be for you from a health standpoint. Also, if you could “do it on your own”, you would have done it and if they truly know you they already know that. I have lost and gained the same 100 pounds all my life. I tried to do it without surgery and the weight always came back. It was time to get off the merry go round. I’m sure you feel the same.
 
I agree with so much that has already been said but just wanted to touch a little on your best friend. Would she be hurt if you didn't tell her? Or would she be too confrontational because you are doing this? I would do what is best for you first, but you know the kind of friendship you have. Just something to think about.

As for what I did... I had the Lapband many years ago. A co-worker and I both had it at the same time. We told everyone at work. We were lucky because no one appeared to be judgmental and they were quite supportive. I know that isn't the norm. There's usually someone who has their own opinion. If they did, they kept it to themselves. Since then, I had retired but still stay in contact with some of my ex-coworkers. The second time around I only told those really close to me. And for those who commented on my weight loss, I just said thank you and left it at that. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that your own personal situation often dictates what you decide to do. Above all, don't stress about it. Just do what you feel is right for you. Good luck!
 
TraceyT said:
I was very selective in who I told. I'm not a person that will qualify or justify my choices to random family/friends/co-workers/ or general all round asshats!

My husband and my girls knew - immediate family was the extent of people I shared my surgical choice with. Some immediate family members can be such sucky ass ball sacks - just not worth the effort.

It ultimately comes down to who you want to tell. If you have wonderfully supportive - non judgmental family and friends tell them whatever you want.

My husband has truly been my ride or die - in it till the end - support system. He's been with me through the good, the bad, the ugly, the what the hell, and even the fuck me sideways shit. He even went to most of my appointments. He's my rock through everything.

Please remember our spouses go through this with us. They can get just as baffled as we do. My husband found my "pointy" bits and thought I had knots - scared him to death.

Just remember this a T O O L - not a cure but it's one hell of ride! Enjoy it!
Click to expand...
You crack me up haha. Thank you for the advice! My husband sounds a lot like yours - my bestie .
 
JudyNY said:
I agree with so much that has already been said but just wanted to touch a little on your best friend. Would she be hurt if you didn't tell her? Or would she be too confrontational because you are doing this? I would do what is best for you first, but you know the kind of friendship you have. Just something to think about.

As for what I did... I had the Lapband many years ago. A co-worker and I both had it at the same time. We told everyone at work. We were lucky because no one appeared to be judgmental and they were quite supportive. I know that isn't the norm. There's usually someone who has their own opinion. If they did, they kept it to themselves. Since then, I had retired but still stay in contact with some of my ex-coworkers. The second time around I only told those really close to me. And for those who commented on my weight loss, I just said thank you and left it at that. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that your own personal situation often dictates what you decide to do. Above all, don't stress about it. Just do what you feel is right for you. Good luck!
Click to expand...
Thank you! Im thinking that I would feel hurt if she felt she couldn't tell me something so I think I'm going to tell her. And if she's my friend, she will love me through it. I agree though that it's not really for everyone else to know!!!
 
MANDY2910 said:
Told everyone and got good feedback from most. My husband was really the only person whose opinion mattered to me. My skinny bendy sister was my harshest critic, but her and I have never been close so I had no problem telling her to go to hell. My mom, who had bypass surgery when I was young and did not do well long term also had some choice words to say along the lines of failure and it being a permanent change to my body that might not work blah blah blah. You have made a huge decision to make a huge life change and that’s not easy. No one here took this decision lightly and without research and a whole lot of soul searching. Hopefully people will see just how good this will be for you from a health standpoint. Also, if you could “do it on your own”, you would have done it and if they truly know you they already know that. I have lost and gained the same 100 pounds all my life. I tried to do it without surgery and the weight always came back. It was time to get off the merry go round. I’m sure you feel the same.
Click to expand...
Thank you. Super encouraging and yes I feel the same way!
 
Update: I told my friend! It helps that I'm a hairstylist and was cutting her hair late last night - and while looking at the back of her head I told her there was something I needed to tell her that I was embarassed about but I felt like since she was my friend I needed to tell her....She goes., "you're scaring me" hahahahaha. So I told her - and the first thing she said was, "Wow ,you're getting that done? Good for you! I know a few people who've had it done." Turns out her sister and brother-in-law have had it done. I gave her a huge hug and told her I was glad she was my friend - she then told me that though her family lost a ton of weight originally, they gained back more than they lost but what can I say hahahaha.
 
Nymiria said:
Update: I told my friend! It helps that I'm a hairstylist and was cutting her hair late last night - and while looking at the back of her head I told her there was something I needed to tell her that I was embarassed about but I felt like since she was my friend I needed to tell her....She goes., "you're scaring me" hahahahaha. So I told her - and the first thing she said was, "Wow ,you're getting that done? Good for you! I know a few people who've had it done." Turns out her sister and brother-in-law have had it done. I gave her a huge hug and told her I was glad she was my friend - she then told me that though her family lost a ton of weight originally, they gained back more than they lost but what can I say hahahaha.
Click to expand...

Good! I'm glad that in spite of her family gaining weight back, she was happy for you.
 
They don't like to share a lot of statistics about regain, do they? From what I've read the majority of people will gain SOME weight back. Of course, I can't seem to find an official percentage of how many people regain or how much. The best estimates I've found for both range from 50-70%, of people regaining with about a 5-10% regain.

I find that scary but during the past 2 years I've learned over and over again that yes, it's a TOOL. And not like a hammer that any idiot can use. More like a table saw. You have to learn how to use it properly, maintain the blade and take the time to make sure you have everything set up correctly if you want clean lines aka a successful project. (3mom has got me dreaming of making a table lol)
 
missyinacage said:
They don't like to share a lot of statistics about regain, do they? From what I've read the majority of people will gain SOME weight back. Of course, I can't seem to find an official percentage of how many people regain or how much. The best estimates I've found for both range from 50-70%, of people regaining with about a 5-10% regain.

I find that scary but during the past 2 years I've learned over and over again that yes, it's a TOOL. And not like a hammer that any idiot can use. More like a table saw. You have to learn how to use it properly, maintain the blade and take the time to make sure you have everything set up correctly if you want clean lines aka a successful project. (3mom has got me dreaming of making a table lol)
Click to expand...
Seems like I read somewhere that after the original weight-loss, long-term rates were around 50% of excess weight. So that is still so much better than the roller-coaster ride of loss, regain, loss, regain more, etc.

I told a few people, but it turned out many others found out via the old-fashioned tell-all group where I live. They've been complimentary and seemingly supportive. My family and close friends were on board from the beginning, so that's what matters most.
 
MANDY2910 said:
Since we are in the subject… is the failure rate long term pretty high for WLS? Seems to be a pattern emerging. My mom included, but I thought she was an exception not a rule
Click to expand...
I was just watching a youtube video on this LAST NIGHT after talking with my friend - and it looks like YES after the 4 year mark mainly we will gain back about 10-15 pounds. Things vary but it's normally the aging process and that our pouch isn't as restrictive and tight as it was. BUT only 2% of people gain back a TON of weight if that makes sense? Like yes it is possible - but if we can stay on track we should be alright. The dr on the video even talked about the amount of calories that you can eat before you start gaining weight and it was crazy - I think it was like 1500 or more calories a day and you begin to gain - 1100-1400 you maintain and 1100 and below you lose. I never imagined that we'd eat that few calories!
 
missyinacage said:
Everyone has to do what is right for themselves. I personally told everyone. I don't actually care what most people think. so, coworkers and such were no big deal. And I only had one negative comment, to my face anyway lol Not all of my family and friends were necessarily on board in the beginning but came around.

I made a decision to improve my health. Period. I wouldn't have to convince anyone of the health benefit of any other medical procedure, like having my appendix out or chemo, for example. A highly respected doctor at the University of Chicago, (who is not a weight loss surgeon btw), suggested that I look into WLS, as a "cure for obesity". Surely, he knows more about the health risks and benefits than some of the people who suggested I could "just do it on your own".

Some people will judge you. Some people will think they know that you had WLS even if you never tell them. Some people are worth explaining your thought process to. Others are not. But you do not have to justify yourself or your decision to anyone. If you choose to tell and your friend is less than supportive, send her a link to a video about WLS. There are lots of them out there, that explain that the changes obesity causes in your hormones and metabolism are almost impossible to overcome long term without WLS.

Good luck on your journey. BTW, we are ALL scared we're going to fail. That's natural. And useful.
Click to expand...
I have only told 2 of my VERY close friends and my children. My husband and I know this is what I want and I don’t need all the “Debbie downers” telling me the reasons they think I shouldn’t. It’s my choice. I could not be more excited
 
Well I have told people close to me. I don't want to make it a public thing to everyone so if people ask I will say i did portion control(which techinically isn't a lie LOL) I just feel that people can be really judgemental and I didn't want anyone discouraging me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top