Issue with family and support

[Roxannasparks]

Thank you so much all of you. I really appreciate it. I guess I just expected my immediate family to understand, but I was very mistaken. I’m divorced with a dog and have a couple close friends...but that’s about it. At least I have two friends who are very supportive. I unfortunately am very social and need to talk about things to people, so I’ve ended up going to three different support groups for various things, one being bariatric. I just feel like I’m surrounded by negativity so much because i have to be around my parents because they watch my dog because she has some serious anxiety issues and she’s really comfortable with them and they love her. But I get emotionally jabbed at by my mother constantly, my brother won’t talk to me...all because of my choices I’ve made to better myself and I find that pretty pathetic. I go to a therapist weekly, thankfully she’s helping me a lot but making me realize I have a lot of self confidence issues, while a support group is making me realize I’m trying to control everyone’s life, making it impossible to control my own, let alone make it enjoyable. So much to work on....gah!

Hey girl! Do not let yourself get down. Which surgery did you have? Sounds like a therapist is needed to build up your self esteem and learn how to ignore or block out all the negativity. I find that drinking a CHOCOLATE protein shake really eases my hunger and be sure you are drinking 48 to 64 ounces of clear uncarnonated drinks like Crystal light to keep your tummy full. Hang in there. I get my protein shakes from Amazon. They are called premier protein shakes. Yummy!

 

[Brenda2010]

I am brand new...joined yesterday. I have been following the comments made regarding non-supportive family.
I don’t want to tell my family.

I take care of my mom who had a stroke two years ago, after my father died in an accident last year. My mom was my greatest supporter, but she is more fragile now, so I can’t share with her. My brother, sister in law and my children would tell me not to have the surgery that I could loose the weight on my own.

I’ve been thinking about this and honestly I haven’t thought of one person I would want to share my decision to have the surgery with. I know lots of people, people who are friends, but they’re not friends I hang out with or share intimate things with. The person I shared my intimate thoughts and feelings with was my mom and although, she is still alive I cannot share the hard things with her anymore. This is one of the reasons I wanted to join this support group.

Hi Cyndy and welcome.

There is absolutely no need to tell anyone, this is for you. Like Diane, I have only told 3 people and never plan to tell anyone else. My mother is included in this group however, I waited to to tell her until about a month after surgery and I was feeling both physically and emotionally ready. I kept it very positive and upbeat since she's always had a strong, negative opinion about surgery. I told her that these surgeries are so common nowadays that it was a piece of cake and recovery was easy. Now of course, this is a very sugar-coated version of the truth but I knew that was the way to tell her.

Hopefully your recovery will be fairly smooth. If you are able to have laparoscopic surgery, it should be a lot easier. Mine was so I was in the hospital 1 night and then was able to come home. I live alone so I didn't have any help but was totally fine. Made sure to stock up on everything I would need before my surgery and just took it easy.

I agree with Diane about possibly seeing if you can get help for your mom, at least for the first couple weeks. You're going to have some pain in week 1 and probably be medicated and just want to nap all the time. If you're lucky like I was, you'll feel ok but still be really tired for a couple weeks as your body is healing.

For emotional support, we're here for you! Also, you may also be required to attend an in-person support group in your area. It can't hurt, you may meet someone who you can connect with, at least about this topic.

Best of luck to you in your journey, please keep us posted.

 

[Cyndy]

Thank you for yours and Diane’s response both of your thoughts and support are greatly appreciated.

I see a therapist about twice a month to talk about the stressors of being a caregiver. I was proactive in obtaining someone I could talk to shortly after I moved in with her. In addition, I have someone who comes in 5days a week from 8am - 4pm. Hopefully, when the time comes I will be able to have my surgery on a Monday to give me as much time as possible.

 

[Cyndy]

I laughed about the spider . A few nights ago, I was laying on the floor and my peripheral vision caught sight of something moving. I got up and seen a very large spider that didn’t look very friendly. It was as long as my thumb brown with a black stripe down the middle. I don’t know what kind it was and I didn’t want to stick around and find out

 

[Phinxy86]

Thank you everyone for your input, it’s much appreciated! I have developed a very close friendship whom I think would be beneficial for my healing process, and I’ve accepted my family as they are. Just dealing with coping now. I’m finding friendship elsewhere and acceptance elsewhere, like here and through in person support groups, and I’m doing much better emotionally. I’m a stubborn woman, which can and cannot be a good thing sometimes. But the main thing is I’m worrying about myself more and concerning myself less with others, as it should be. I’ve got my pup, whom I adore, and that’s what matters.