Letrell
Member
Opening up with deep feelings is difficult for me...emotions equal weakness in my world. So I am really stepping out on dangerous ice bringing this up... My feelings on the past 3 years of my life.
I had to have the surgery...no real option for me other than a 5 year life-expectancy. I couldn't accept that. So here I am sitting at 120 lbs - down from 319.5. Silly to nickpick but I've lost 199.5lbs. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it. I hate taking 7 vitamins + fiber + liquid potassium several times a day. I hate that eating lettuce and 5 mins later I'm hurting and have to lay down. I hate hearing I'm borderline malnutritioned. I hate it so much when doctor's say..."this is what you need to do" when doing just what they said to the letter has made me so thin.
I hate that sometimes I just want a bite of steak or a pancake without feeling all clammy and ill and like I want to pass out.
I am so sick of dumping. I am so tired of men looking at me like I dont know what they want...like they think I WANT their attention.
I love being small but guess what? Ever try to find cute clothes for a 50 year old in a size 4?
It's as difficult as finding 3X.
I am scared to death of the impending tummy tuck and bat wing removal.
I want to just be me quietly in the background. I want to live to see my kids in college and the military.
Is it really so bad sometimes...not a whole lot but just every once in a while to just be alone and cry?
I wish those without our weight challenges could understand...ya know?
But I suppose those are two of the most used words in the human vocabulary... "I wish".
Just my thoughts today because sometimes it's just so hard.
Wishing all the best.
I had to have the surgery...no real option for me other than a 5 year life-expectancy. I couldn't accept that. So here I am sitting at 120 lbs - down from 319.5. Silly to nickpick but I've lost 199.5lbs. Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it. I hate taking 7 vitamins + fiber + liquid potassium several times a day. I hate that eating lettuce and 5 mins later I'm hurting and have to lay down. I hate hearing I'm borderline malnutritioned. I hate it so much when doctor's say..."this is what you need to do" when doing just what they said to the letter has made me so thin.
I hate that sometimes I just want a bite of steak or a pancake without feeling all clammy and ill and like I want to pass out.
I am so sick of dumping. I am so tired of men looking at me like I dont know what they want...like they think I WANT their attention.
I love being small but guess what? Ever try to find cute clothes for a 50 year old in a size 4?
It's as difficult as finding 3X.
I am scared to death of the impending tummy tuck and bat wing removal.
I want to just be me quietly in the background. I want to live to see my kids in college and the military.
Is it really so bad sometimes...not a whole lot but just every once in a while to just be alone and cry?
I wish those without our weight challenges could understand...ya know?
But I suppose those are two of the most used words in the human vocabulary... "I wish".
Just my thoughts today because sometimes it's just so hard.
Wishing all the best.